Really Got a Hold On Me
by Jordana Amore
Summary: Rachel's pain and insecurities over losing Finn to Quinn lead her into the path of a dangerous & devious man. As she struggles to stay afloat in her dark new world, those who care about her fight to help her. With Kurt, Puck, Finn, Jesse, etc. Set in S2
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** _Takes place shortly after Original Song, but not canon after that point. Will include some of what actually happened on the show, but will definitely go off course because I started it a couple of months before the finale and am just now getting around to editing it and fleshing it out._

_::And I should probably make this clear now so I don't waste anyone's time who is looking for a specific ship...there will pretty much be bits of Rachel with Puck, Jesse and Finn (and Kurt). Some of these relationships are strictly friendly, but there will be romance in later chapters. _

_I don't use a beta and my proof reading skills are pretty much negated by my lack of sleep, so I apologize for any typos or errors._

**I do not own Glee, its characters or ideas. I don't even own the TV I watch it on.**

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><p>The aluminum of the bleachers is cold against her legs and she wonders why she thought it was a good idea to wear such a short skirt in the harsh March weather. Just another stupid decision on her part, she thinks bitterly. Rachel looks out at the deserted football field, the season had ended a couple of months ago and there was not a jock nor cheerio in sight, even the grass was dead. She's thankful that God allowed her to have the small comfort of wallowing in peace.<p>

They had won Regionals, and largely in part because of her, but her happiness was short lived. She may have had the trophy now, but she still didn't have the boy, and as silly and not at all Streisand-esque as it was, the boy meant so much more. She had poured her heart out into that song and sung her feelings for all to see, and all she got was a goofy smile and a platonic hug. Finn may appreciate her talent, but he appreciates Quinn's looks more. They all do.

The sound of heavy footsteps clanging on the cheap metal planks brings Rachel out of her daze and she turns her head to see Puck climbing up the bleachers towards her.

"What's up, Berry?" he asks as he casually sits down and slides next to her. "Noticed you skipped Glee today. Maybe you're a little cooler than I give you credit for."

Rachel sighs tiredly and goes back to gazing off into space. "I didn't skip, Noah. I just decided not to attend Glee this afternoon."

"Are you sick?" Accepting the fact that he can't ask the question directly to her face, he settles for leaning back on his elbows and looking off into space with her. Maybe he could figure out what the hell was so interesting out there.

"No."

"Did someone die?"

Rachel shakes her head frantically and looks at him in horror. "No! Why would you even think something like that?"

Puck just shrugs. "So you're perfectly healthy and all your relatives are alive?" he summarizes. "Well, then I hate to break it to you, princess, but you skipped."

"Fine, Noah. I skipped Glee," she admits with a roll of her eyes. "But it's just an extra curricular activity, it's not like I cut class or something."

"Just an extra curricular?" Puck echoes in shock. "Maybe you are sick." His voice is light and smug and playfully mocking, and she finds an odd sense of comfort in his interest in her life, even if it did get her in trouble last time.

Rachel doesn't bother responding, instead she just shakes her head in a gesture Puck can't fully understand and once again turns her eyes away from him.

"So why'd you bail?" he prods not so gently.

"I can't go in there." She sounds so tired and Puck doesn't fail to notice.

"Why not?"

Rachel opens her mouth to speak before thinking better of it and snapping her jaw shut. "It doesn't matter." She feels so defeated, but surely he wouldn't get it, he'd just think she was being overdramatic.

"What's going on, Rach? Why are you out here feeling sorry for yourself?"

Puck knows from the way her body instantly tenses at his comment that he said the wrong thing. He had a tendency to do that. He thinks back to last year when they sat in this very spot and she tried to let him down gently after their week of dating. He remembers how her attempts to comfort him had failed because he felt so beaten down by the situation and couldn't see past his own anger and hurt, so he lashed out at her. He imagines that's probably how she feels right now and maybe he should be more sensitive.

"I'm not feeling sorry for myself! I just needed to think," she snaps hotly. "Why are you even here, Noah?"

He offers her a weak smile because he doesn't do apologies so well and presses on with his miserable attempt at comforting her. "I saw you sitting here all sad and alone, and I couldn't help myself. I'm a sucker for hot Jewish girls in distress."

"Do you really think I'm hot?" she asks him, her interest in the conversation suddenly spiking.

"Of course," he replies easily. "You know if I wasn't with Lauren I'd totally be looking to pop your cherry now that Finn's out of the picture.

"Do you have to be so crude?" she asks, her disdain for his choice of words clear in her voice and facial features.

"Yes."

She plays with the hem of skirt nervously as she rambles. "But you think I'm ok looking? I'm not too hideous, am I? I mean I know my nose is way too big and my eyes are dull and boring, and I could probably stand to lose a few pounds."

"Whoa, Berry, slow down. Your nose is perfect and your eyes are beautiful. And there's not an inch of fat on you. Where's this all coming from?" He looks at her curiously, because while he knew she was a little unsure when it came to romantic stuff, like how she'd always ask if the way she kissed him was right, and it was, because if there was one thing Rachel Berry knew how to work, it was her mouth, but he never suspected she was that insecure. After all, this was the girl who put together power-point presentations explaining why she should get the lead in every Glee competition.

"But Quinn is prettier than me. You'd pick her over me too, right?" she presses, a troubled expression on her face.

Puck doesn't bother to hide his annoyance at her self-deprecating words. "Is that what this is about? Finn and Quinn? Berry, come on-"

Rachel promptly cuts him off. "Why is he able to forgive her but not me? It's because she's prettier than me, isn't it?" she demands.

Puck can tell she's getting worked up and he just wants to put a stop to it because he hates when chicks get sad around him. He knows that's pretty ironic considering he's probably caused a lot of sadness in girls' lives, but he doesn't usually have to deal with the fallout. No one would expect him to clean up his own messes anyway. Except Rachel. She always expected more from him, more than even he thought he was capable of.

"Finn's a douche-bag," Puck states flatly. He's certain he's just solved her problem with that declaration, because clearly it's the truth and the truth sets you free or whatever, but Rachel continues on as if he hadn't said anything.

"I guess I'm just the conselation prize," she mutters. "The girl boys like Finn settle for when girls like Quinn are unavailable."

"Finn didn't settle for you... he was crazy about you." He can't believe what he's hearing because he really thought Berry had her shit together. Puck sort of wants to shake some sense into her, but he has a strict policy against laying his hands on a girl to do anything other than pleasure them.

"Because Quinn broke his heart. I heard what people said, that he must have gone temporarily insane to even consider going out with me." There's a brief pause, as if she's considering something, and when she speaks again her voice is softer, sadder. "You did the same thing, you know? You only went out with me because you couldn't have Quinn."

"Fine, I'm a douche-bag too," he admits. It's probably the most honest thing he's said in a while.

Rachel turns and looks at him hopefully, no longer content to direct her side of the conversation to the open field. "But if I was pretty, if I looked like Quinn, would you want to be with me?" she asks. "Hypothetically, of course, I'm not actually interested in rekindling our brief romance. I believe we make much better friends than lovers."

"I already said I'd tap that," he answers. "As is," he adds to drive home the point that he finds her attractive.

She sighs, seemingly disappointed by his answer. "So it's all about sex, is that it? If someone like me wants to keep someone like Finn around I need to give freely of myself sexually."

"What?" Puck's not sure he heard correctly because he could have sworn Rachel just offered to give out free sex.

"I'm saying I'm not pretty enough to not put out," she elaborates. "I should have known. No guy is going to stick around based on my looks alone, so what's the point if they're not at the very least getting physical gratification from me? Not too mention my grating personality is enough to drive even the most patient of boys away. I'd need to posses the sexual prowess of Jenna Jameson to keep a guy's interest."

Puck glares at her in surprise. Rachel Berry apparently knew of porn stars by name. And Rachel Berry was apparently dangerously lacking in the self-esteem department. "You're sounding crazier than usual, Berry."

"If I hadn't broken up with you because of my misguided feelings for Finn, you would have bailed on me too," she states solemnly. She doesn't realize she's being unfair in her assumption, because she truly believes it.

"You don't know that." Puck resents the implication. Sure, he may enjoy sex, but despite being a total sex shark, he could hold out for the right girl. And he would have never pressured Rachel into sleeping with him last year.

"Oh please, like you'd really stay with me if all we did was make out," Rachel bites back bitterly.

"I happened to like making out with you," he grins.

She can't help the small smile that passes her lips at his flirtatious admission, because maybe Noah did find something appealing in their make-out sessions. She feels good about that for a few seconds but it passes quickly. "But you wanted more."

"Of course. Who wouldn't?"

"So if I had sex with Finn maybe he'd still want me," Rachel concludes after a few moments of contemplation.

"Stop measuring your self-worth by what Finn thinks," he snaps harshly. "He's not perfect, you know. He broke up with you because of his stupid pride, not because he stopped loving you or because you weren't pretty enough. And doing something you didn't really want to wouldn't have helped matters."

"So why isn't he too proud for Quinn?" Rachel cries desperately. "She cheated on him too, and some might even say that what she did was way worse than our little make out session."

Puck runs a hand through his mohawk. He cared about Rachel but she could be so damn frustrating at times. "Look, I don't know how Finn's mind work, if it even works at all, but I doubt it has anything to do with your looks."

Standing up from the bench, Rachel turns to place a chaste kiss on his cheek. "Thanks for stopping to talk to me, Noah. I'll see you around."

Then she's gone. Puck just watches her walk away in confusion because he's pretty sure nothing he said got through to her.

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><p>Not much changes for Rachel after her talk with Noah. Sure, he was kind to her and made a point of striding up to her and cracking some ridiculously distasteful joke or uttering some wildly inappropriate sexual comment whenever he caught her gazing sadly at Finn and Quinn making out in the halls, and she'd laugh softly and allow him to lead her down the corridor, away from it all. But she still hurt.<p>

And since she couldn't hold onto Finn, she decides she'll cling to her other great love, Broadway. Maybe that's where she went wrong, she thinks, maybe she shouldn't have let herself fall so deeply in love with a boy in a small town because she was getting out of this place soon.

She refocuses her energy on vocal lessons, dance classes, and acting workshops. She keeps herself so busy that she hardly has the time to long after Finn. And it's almost enough, but she can't completely escape it because Quinn likes to rub Finn's back when they sit together in the choir room, and Finn grins at Quinn whenever he sings a cheesy romantic rock ballad during Glee.

Jesse shows up towards the end of March. UCLA seems to be taking its toll on him because his hair is longer and he looks older. He strolls through the auditorium doors one afternoon like he owns the place and effortlessly joins in on the song she was working on. Her shock at seeing him is evident, but she doesn't falter on her performance.

"Jesse," she says breathlessly after their impromptu duet comes to an end.

"Hello Rachel," he greets, a genuine smile playing on his lips. "It's good to see you again."

Rachel soon learns that college did indeed take a toll on Jesse, so much so that he failed out after the first semester and has been living at home since December. He didn't have the courage to face her, he tells her, and then he apologizes for the egg incident. She finds herself shrugging and telling him it's ok, that she forgives him, but really it's not ok. She does forgive him, because he seems sincere enough in his apology, but she still has some scars from being publicly humiliated and cruelly tossed aside by a boy she maybe sort of loved. Why couldn't anyone love her back?

"So what have you been up to since you've been back in Ohio?" Rachel asks once they get some of the initial awkwardness out of the way.

Jesse's eyes light up when he begins to tell her about an acclaimed director from New York currently working out of Columbus with a local play write, who has reportedly been garnering a lot of buzz. If the endeavor in Columbus is successful, they'd take the play off-Broadway in New York before inevitably hitting the Great White Way. And Jesse had been chosen as the male lead after a rigorous audition process, he reveals.

"Wow, that's amazing! Congratulations, Jesse!" she gushes. There's no bitterness or insincerity in her voice when she does so either because Rachel Berry is genuinely happy to see a Broadway dream realized, even when the dreamer cracked eggs on her head a year earlier.

"Thanks. But that's not even the best part," Jesse says excitedly. "I got you an audition. You'd be perfect for the part, Rach. It's about two kids from Ohio who wind up stuck in a life they don't want. It's angsty and a little dark, but passionate and romantic at the same time. Plus, the music is great. This is us, Rachel. We are this play" He speaks so passionately about the project that Rachel can't help but get pulled in.

Rachel sits momentarily stunned. "Me? Audition for a part in a real musical? With a Broadway director?" she finally stammers out in disbelief.

"Yes, you," Jesse replies sounding so sure of the idea. "I already showed Mr. Ellis a recording of you from Sectionals last year and he's willing to have you audition despite you're being a minor. Underage actors are significantly more difficult to work with, but he's willing to make an exception because you're that good."

"You showed him a tape of me?" she asks, a bit embarrassed but also flattered. She wonders what this Mr. Ellis is like and what he thought of her.

"I had to because I knew that once he saw you, once he heard you, he wouldn't want anyone else. Just be ready Friday after school, I'll pick you up. Ok?"

She takes a moment to think it over. It'd be a great opportunity to break into the business and a perfect distraction from Finn and McKinley in general. She'd have to get her parents' permission, but she doubts that'd be a problem. Rachel flashes Jesse a tight smile and nods. "I'll be ready. Thank you, Jesse."

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><p>::Thanks for reading. Drop me a review to let me know what you think if you have the time.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Thank you to all who have read, reviewed or put this story on alert. It means so much to hear what you thought or just get notice that someone's actually reading this. Once again, canon up to about Original Song and after that I just borrow some elements from the show and twist them to fit my plot or change direction completely.**

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><p>It was Monday when Jesse sprung the prospect of auditioning for her most important role to date on her, so Rachel didn't have much time to prepare for Friday's audition with Mr. Ellis. Luckily, she had a wide array of meticulously rehearsed song choices in her repertoire to serve her in such a predicament. Settling onto her bed, she calls Kurt that afternoon to share her excitement and maybe get some tips on song selection.<p>

"So Jesse, huh?" Kurt asks after she's through explaining the afternoon's events to him. "You sure this is a good idea, Rachel?"

"I know Jesse and I have history," she begins in response as her hands idly fidget with the ears of the stuffed money in her lap.

"A history of eggs," Kurt mutters contemptuously in interruption.

Rachel makes an expression of displeasure despite Kurt's inability to see it over the phone. "He made a mistake, Kurt. He's apologized and he presented me with a wonderful opportunity."

"Mmhmm," Kurt hums. "And what else has he _presented_ you with?" he asks suggestively. He couldn't stand Jesse St. James last year and his new found friendship with Rachel only makes him dislike the boy even more now.

"It's not like that, Kurt," Rachel insists. "We're just going to try to be friends and hopefully be able to work together."

"How do you know this isn't another one of his little games?" Kurt asks worriedly. "Who knows what his motives are this time."

Rachel sighs disappointedly and clutches the stuffed monkey closer to her chest. She had hoped Kurt would share in her excitement, not lecture her about Jesse. "He was sincere in his apology and that's what matters. Now, I'd prefer not to dwell on the past. How about you help me pick an audition song?" she suggests brightly as she folds her legs under herself so that she's sitting Indian style.

Her voice is so hopeful that Kurt can't bring himself to continue to rain on her parade with his skepticism, after all she had expressly asked them all not to a while ago. "Sure, what do you have in mind?"

After some heated discussion and light arguing with her friend, Rachel settles on "My Man" from Funny Girl as her audition piece. It was the perfect song to showcase her superior vocal ability and convey her impressive emotional depth. Even Kurt seems keen to the idea.

Rachel hangs up the phone and starts to go over the scene from the play she would read with Jesse on Friday. Jesse had supplied her with a copy of the script earlier and she was absolutely in love with the role of Emily. She needed this part.

Jesse suggests they meet to rehearse the scene the next day to work on their already existing chemistry and Rachel readily agrees. Showing that she has a good rapport with the play's star could only bode well for her, she figures. They meet Tuesday afternoon at Jesse's house and practice till 11pm when her dad phones her and tells her she better get home this instant. When they're not acting out the scene, Rachel is rehearsing her song and taking notes from Jesse after each run through. They repeat the process on Wednesday and again on Thursday, and despite the unreasonably short amount of time she had to ready herself, Rachel feels prepared for the audition.

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><p>Friday morning comes and Rachel struts down the halls of McKinley with her head held high and Barbra Streisand's voice blaring through her iPod headphones. Her Daddy always told her positive thought was key to success and she's much too busy imagining all the ways her life will change when she becomes a famous Broadway actress to be concerned with petty high school drama and teasing.<p>

"Hey Rach, wait up," Finn calls after her between second and third period. She can't hear him over the music playing directly into her ears so he jogs over and places a hand on her shoulder as she fingers the combination lock on her locker door.

"Finn," she greets cheerily when she spins around to find him standing before her. Rachel pulls the headphones from her ears and places her iPod in her locker. "What can I do for you?" she asks nonchalantly.

She still misses Finn and hurt to see him with Quinn, but she had the play to worry about now. Getting back together with Finn was no longer her top priority.

Finn doesn't return her friendly smile or match the ease in her voice. "Uh, I heard Jesse St. James is back and that you're doing some play with him," he blurts out.

Rachel makes no qualms about rolling her eyes and letting Finn know just how ridiculous she finds this conversation to be. Clearly Kurt was a bigger blabber mouth than she was.

"Yes, Jesse is back, and yes, I might possibly be doing a play with him if I'm fortunate enough to get the part." She continues to rummage through her locker for the things she'll need next period.

"What are you doing?" Finn demands causing her to stop her search. "Why would you want to be around that guy? Don't you remember what he did to you last year?" He sounds genuinely upset, maybe even angry on her behalf, but Rachel's not at all moved by his concern. Finn's interest in her life always seems to coincide with Jesse's presence and she's tired of the jealousy and confusion about her love life.

Rachel slams her locker shut harshly before violently whipping her body around to face her ex-boyfriend. "Do you remember what Quinn did to you?" she asks incredulously. Sometimes Rachel wondered if the boy was suffering from a terrible case of amnesia where the blonde was concerned. He didn't seem at all bothered by Quinn's past cheating.

Finn looks momentarily stunned and a bit confused. He hadn't connected the two. Jesse was a douche who played Rachel and Quinn was just Quinn.

"That's different," he stammers out after a moment.

"Why? Because she's Quinn? Because she's beautiful? She only _looks_ like an angel, Finn," Rachel points out. She's leaning forward intently and Finn knows from experience that she's about to lay into him. "Did she even apologize?" she continues. "Because Jesse did and he was sincere. If you can forgive her for lying, cheating, and deceiving you in the cruelest of ways, then why shouldn't I be able to forgive Jesse for a much less egregious offense? Besides, what happens between Jesse and I is really none of your business now that you've decided you want nothing to do with me."

"Rachel, that's not true. I still care about you. I don't want this guy to hurt you again," Finn argues somewhat truthfully and Rachel doesn't know if she wants to believe him or not.

"Look, thanks for the concern but I can handle my own affairs. And I don't think Quinn will appreciate you talking to me." She shakes her head and bites her tongue to prevent herself from revealing anything more about how she feels and then turns to leave.

Finn's face pales behind her. "Wait, you two are having an affair?"

Rachel makes an audible sound of disbelief before turning around to look at him one last time. "No, Finn," she says tiredly. "I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"

"You're not coming to Glee today?" He sounds sort of dejected, like he thinks he failed his mission, like maybe he's realizing he failed her.

"No, my audition is today at 5:00. Jesse is picking me up after school, we have to drive all the way to Columbus," Rachel explains.

She doesn't fail to notice how he frowns at the mention of Jesse's name. "Oh alright. Well, good luck, Rach. I'm sure you'll do great." The corner of his mouth quirks in a lopsided smile and she softens a bit.

"Thank you, Finn."

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><p>Jesse is waiting for her in the parking lot after school. He parks his black SVU in a spot that's clearly marked "Reserved for Faculty" and leans against the back bumper. When he spots Rachel jogging over to him in her delicate white and red floral dress he can't help but grin.<p>

"You ready for this?" he asks with an excited clap of his hands when she finally reaches him.

"I'm more ready for this than I've ever been for anything in my whole life!" Rachel exclaims excitedly.

Jesse laughs at her enthusiasm and gathers her in a quick hug before opening the passenger door and gesturing for her to step in. "After you, Emily."

Rachel's face lights up at the use of her potential character's name. "Thank you, Jake," she returns with a ridiculously wide smile.

She warms up her voice in the car since the long drive will leave them little time to prepare in the theatre prior to her audition. Jesse listens contently as she runs through scales and vocal exercises. He always had a soft spot for her voice. He could listen to her sing, or even just talk, all day.

The theater is empty when the pair enter through the back doors. It's not the biggest theater Rachel has ever performed in, the auditorium where Regionals was held is much larger, but it's certainly the most intimidating. She won't be judged as part of an ensemble today. If Mr. Ellis doesn't like her it can only be her own fault. She loves the spotlight but the sheer weight of it is still a little daunting.

"Mr Ellis is probably in the office in the back. Come on," Jesse says grabbing hold of Rachel's hand and dragging her down the center aisle.

The office is situated amongst the dressing rooms and staging areas in the back of the stage. Rachel glances in wonder at the props and pieces of scenery designed for the play as Jesse leads her down corridors and around corners.

Giving Rachel's hand one last squeeze, Jesse knocks on Mr. Ellis's office door. There's a muffled call for them to come in and Jesse opens the door and steps into the tiny room. "Mr. Ellis," he greets. "This is the girl I've been telling you about, Rachel Berry."

The man puts his pen down and carefully looks Rachel over, taking his time to rake his eyes over every inch of her. Rachel takes the opportunity to study him in return. Mr. Ellis looks to be in his late 40s, his hair is graying and his forehead wrinkles in thought, but he's quite distinguished looking in his three piece suit and designer glasses. Rachel decides he looks like a director should look.

"God, you're a baby," the older man remarks after his examination.

Rachel can't help but look insulted at the remark. Maybe she should have dressed more grown up.

"She can look older with make-up," Jesse returns hastily. "The part only calls for her to be twenty or so, it's not like we're supposed to be middle-aged divorcees."

Mr. Ellis purses his lips together and returns to his observation of Rachel. "Alright, let's see what she's got," he sighs. If Rachel didn't firmly believe in her abilities she might be a little put off by his obvious lack of enthusiasm over auditioning her, but instead she's determined to give him something to get excited about.

The trio leave the office and walk around to the front of the stage. Mr. Ellis takes a seat in the tenth row and Jesse and Rachel position themselves in the center of the stage.

"You got this," Jesse whispers before taking his mark.

Rachel only nods before launching into the scene she had prepared with Jesse. It's an argument between their two characters and she has no problem unleashing her anger on him. Where the script calls for Emily to reach out and slap Jake, she delivers such a stinging smack to Jesse's face that both he and Mr. Ellis wince. She had held back while rehearsing with Jesse because she wanted the action to seem more authentic. The scene ends with her begging her lover not to give up on them and she puts all the pain and hurt of the past two years into her performance. When she finishes she's not even sure if the tears on her face are real or manufactured.

Her hands are shaking with adrenaline when Mr. Ellis calls for Jesse to step off to the side so that she can sing. He doesn't offer any critique of her acting, just a curt nod and cryptic smirk before he scribbles something in his notepad. "And what will you be singing today, Miss Berry?" he asks, looking at her over the rims of his glasses.

Rachel straightens her shoulders and looks up confidently. "'My Man' from Funny Girl."

"Ah, more Barbra. Ambitious, aren't we? Well, get on with it then."

Rachel loses herself in the song, completely forgetting Jesse's note not to get too carried away with the emotional aspect of the piece and instead focus on the technique. He accompanies her on the piano and although she never glances over at him, Rachel can feel his eyes on her back as she sings. The last note leaves her breathless and it takes a moment for her to gain her bearings and realize Mr. Ellis is applauding.

"Outstanding!" a voice booms out from the audience. Mr. Ellis is standing now, gathering his notes and briefcase. "I didn't think a high school girl could pull off the emotional maturity of this role, and I only agreed to meet with you because Curly over there insisted, but Rachel, I think you'll do just fine. We start rehearsing Monday afternoon. Good job, kid," he finishes with a wink.

Mr. Ellis quickly disappears out a side exit and Rachel is still starring wide-eyed at the swinging door when Jesse wraps his arms around her waist from behind and lifts her off the stage floor.

"I knew it!" he yells excitedly. "I knew you'd be perfect for this!"

"Oh my God, Jesse... I got the part! I got the part!"

Jesse sets her down and spins her around to face him. "I know, Rach. I was standing right there," he grins playfully. "Was there ever any doubt?"

She smiles happily before leaping up to hug him tightly. "I can't believe it. Thank you for getting me this audition and for working with me this past week."

"Glad I could one day say I had a hand in getting the critically acclaimed and wildly famous Broadway star Rachel Berry her first big break," Jesse says with a flourish. "Even if it was a little painful," he adds rubbing his cheek exaggeratedly.

"Sorry about that," Rachel blushes. "I wanted it to seem real."

"Well it certainly felt real," Jesse returns with a laugh. "Besides, I probably deserve a slap or two." He doesn't need to elaborate because he can tell by her sad smile that Rachel understands he's once again apologizing for the events of last year.

"Jesse, this is going to change everything. I can feel it." Rachel slips from Jesse's grasp and squeezes her eyes shut as she tries to mentally save the moment in her head. She wants to remember how she felt at this very second forever. Opening her eyes again and turning back to Jesse she says, "Can you imagine if this play makes it to New York and we get to play the roles we originated here on Broadway? All our hard work will have actually paid off."

"I know. It's amazing. You're amazing," he muses staring down at her. There's a tense moment of silence before he leans down and captures her lips in a kiss.

"Jesse," Rachel breathes out breaking the kiss. "We can't."

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><p><strong>Thoughts? Concerns? Suggestions? ...feel free to leave a review. Thanks again. <strong>


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's Note: Ok, I hate to do this, but I've changed the tense of the story. I've written it out of order and realize that I've slipped between past and present tense at times. While this started in the present tense, the parts of the later chapters I already have written are in the past tense so I decided to write this middle portion in past tense as well. Not sure why I started it in present tense to begin with, it's awkward to write like that. Sorry about any confusion, I know it's a big no-no in the writing world to switch tenses, but I promise I'll stick with the past from here on. **_

_**Please note this story takes place during last season, so Rachel is still a junior. **_

_**I don't really like where I left this off and wanted to add more before updating, but I decided to just put it out there as is because I've taken so long already. **_

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><p>"We can't."<p>

Jesse's eyes were still closed when she pulled away and Rachel was thankful he couldn't see the horrified look on her face. "I'm sorry Jesse, I just don't think this," she paused to gesture between their two bodies, "is a good idea right now."

Jesse released an audible sigh and shook his head. "Don't apologize. I shouldn't have done that. I got caught up in the moment."

"We're going to be working together now and I don't want to complicate things," Rachel explained cautiously. "I just think we'd be better as friends. For now." She wasn't ready to completely eliminate Jesse as a possibility because she did have feelings for him, but the feel of eggs cracking on her skull was still too vivid and her love for another boy had yet to fade.

"I understand. I'm sorry. It won't happen again," Jesse assured her. "Unless of course it's scripted," he added with a grin.

Rachel smiled brightly to signal her acceptance of his apology and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear with a nod. "Alright, then lets just forget this happened and move on."

Jesse returned her smile but not her sentiments. Sure, he got caught up in the excitement of Rachel landing a dream role, but really he'd been thinking of kissing her since he saw her in the auditorium on Monday. The moment had just seemed like the perfect reason, but he was wrong. She didn't feel that way about him anymore and he really couldn't blame her. He was still marveling over the fact that she forgave him in the first place, but Rachel Berry was full of surprises and too forgiving for her own good. If all she wanted was friendship then he'd do his best to keep things friendly, he owed her that.

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><p>The following Monday, Finn approached Rachel at her desk just before their third period History class began. He'd been curious about the audition she mentioned Friday all weekend, but he wasn't sure if he could text her over the weekend and ask about it. They were just barely friends now and sure friends would be interested in that sort of thing, but Quinn wouldn't have been pleased if she found out he was texting his ex-girlfriend. So he didn't, but he really wanted to know if she'd be seeing that jerk Jesse every day.<p>

Rachel was scribbling contently in her notebook when Finn walked over and peered down at her, trying to see whose name was in the hearts she'd been drawing. His face contorted in confusion when he failed to recognize either name. "Who's Emily and Jake?" he asked abruptly, forgoing any pretense of concealing his snooping.

She looked up, clearly started by his voice, before flipping the notebook shut and flashing a toothy smile.

He kind of felt like a weirdo for spying on her, but he couldn't help looking. He felt even worse about the way Rachel slammed the notebook shut, as if she didn't want him in her business anymore.

"Oh, no one," Rachel finally answered. "Those are just the names of the characters in the play I'm doing with Jesse. Guess I've just had work on the brain," she smiled shyly.

Finn didn't mean to frown, but he definitely felt the corners of his mouth tug down to express his concern. He caught it pretty quickly and just hoped Rachel didn't notice before he corrected himself with a smile. He really was happy for her, he just wished Jesse wasn't involved in this play because he suspected the guy was just as much of a douche as he was last year and Rachel didn't deserve that.

"So you got the part?" he asked after awkwardly staring at her hands for a few seconds too long.

"Yes, I start rehearsals this afternoon," Rachel beamed proudly. "And it's such an amazing part," she gushed.

"Great. Can't wait to see you in it," he told her genuinely.

Rachel brightened at the idea of people coming to see her, she had been so focused on getting to perform in a real play that she hadn't even stopped to think about all the people who would be watching in amazement. "You'd come?" she asked hopefully.

Finn grinned down at her affectionately. "Of course, Rach. I wouldn't miss your big break."

"Oh, it's going to be so amazing!" she exclaimed with an excited clap of her hands.

Finn just smiled and took the seat to her left. Quinn wasn't in this class so he wouldn't catch crap from her for sitting next to Rachel. It wasn't like Rachel would ever break her intense focus during class to turn and talk to him anyway, but he kind of just liked being next to her.

* * *

><p>The rehearsal schedule for the play was a bit intense, but nothing Rachel couldn't handle. The company only had two and a half months until opening night and that meant rehearsal three nights a week and all day Saturday and Sunday. On the days she didn't have play rehearsal, Rachel had Glee practice, but she basically got to perform in some capacity every day of the week so she couldn't complain. She did have to forego all of her other extra curricular classes and activities, but it was a sacrifice she was more than willing to make.<p>

Jesse once again picked her up after school Monday to take her to the first day of rehearsal. "Hey, Emily," he greeted with a smirk.

"Good afternoon, Jake," Rachel returned happily.

"You excited to meet the rest of the cast?" Jesse asked once they had been driving for a while.

Rachel nodded and tugged on her seat-belt a bit. "Excited but nervous. I hope they like me," she answered honestly.

Jesse answered without diverting his eyes from the road, his voice even, "Being liked isn't everything, Rach. I'm sure they'll all be wildly jealous of your talent and resent you for it. Not to mention, you were the last person cast, which means we've all had time to bond and now you're basically just walking into the lion's den unarmed. And most of them are older...harder… bitter. Your fresh face and bright optimism will only remind them of all the opportunities they missed out when they were younger."

Rachel could feel her chest tighten with anxiety. "Oh my God! I didn't even think of that! You guys bonded? When?" she asked frantically. "Oh no, I'm going to be the cast outsider! I won't be invited to any parties and they'll all make fun of me when I'm not around! Jesse, maybe this was a bad idea."

Laughter from the driver's seat broke Rachel out of her panic induced rant. "Why are you laughing?" she demanded. "Don't you laugh at me!"

"Rach, relax. I made all that up. I was just messing with you." Jesse glanced over at the clearly irritated girl besides him and chuckled. "I can't believe you fell for that."

Rachel glared in annoyance at Jesse before extending her hand.

"Ow! What'd you hit me for?" he asked after Rachel slapped at his shoulder. It was so delicate and girly that Jesse hardly felt it, but he still felt the need to make a dramatic show of being wounded.

"I can't believe you'd do that! You know how nervous I am about this!" she accused angrily.

"I'm sorry. I was just trying to make you laugh." He paused to glance at her and removed a hand from the wheel to stroke her thigh assuredly. "Look, I met some of the cast already. They're nice people, they'll like you. Don't stress it."

"Easy for you to say," she grumbled, crossing her hands over her chest petulantly. "You're charming. I didn't have a single friend I hadn't made out with till Kurt and I got over our differences a couple months ago."

"You make out with all your friends?" Jesse asked in surprise. "Even the girls?" Why didn't he know that about her?

Rachel huffed and rolled her eyes. "I meant that the only people who were ever nice to me were the boy I've dated, and that never lasted," she clarified. "I know how everyone at school sees me and I just want this to be different."

"It will be, Rach," Jesse told her softly. "These people are like us. They get it."

"I hope so," Rachel conceded. Turning to get a better look at Jesse, she pressed on, "Do you think Mr. Ellis will regret picking me? Should I try to tone down my personality? Mr. Schue is always saying I have a terrible attitude. Maybe Mr. Ellis will think the same if I question his direction. Should I not voice my opinions? I know no one likes to be told when they're doing something wrong, but sometimes I just can't help it! What if his vision is dreadful and his direction is boorish?" she asked in horror. "Do I bite my tongue and carry on as if I'm ignorant of his flaws?"

"Well, I wouldn't go around calling his work dreadful and boorish," Jesse suggested dryly. "But I wouldn't change anything about how you conduct yourself either. Mr. Ellis knows what he's doing and he picked you, that means something. And trust me, he already knows you're insanely over the top from your audition."

"I was not over the top in my audition!" Rachel cried in outrage.

"You slapped me and then cried during your song!"Jesse protested.

"Both of those things were not only appropriate, but necessary and authentic to the performance!" she defended hotly.

Jesse had to admit Rachel's audition antics were authentic, she wasn't just putting on a show. "I know, Rachel. That's why you got the part, because you bring your emotion to the character, and all your craziness that goes with it. If you start pulling back because you're worried about people liking you then your performance is going to suffer for it. Just go in there and do what you were hired to. If you get some new friends out of the deal, then great. If not, then who cares? You'll have your awards to keep you company in the future. There's no better friends than Tony and Oscar," he finished with a confident grin.

Rachel turned away from Jesse to consider his words. He was right in a sense, the most important thing was that she performed her role well, but was it so wrong to want a little more out of the situation? She had expected to find an automatic support system when she joined Glee, she thought she'd get a mentor and a collection of friends with a shared interest, but she wore on Mr. Schue's nerves and irritated her peers. She was determined to make this play work on both the professional and personal fronts, because while she was fond of trophies and hoped to garner many in her career, she didn't think they'd make very good friends.

They pulled into the theater's parking lot 10 minutes after rehearsal was meant to start. Despite rushing out of school as quickly as possible and practically racing down the highway, it was still a considerable drive to Columbus to make 5 times a week. Rachel didn't mind long car rides, they were relaxing and a great opportunity for listening to music, but she hated being late.

"Hey Jesse and the new girl are here!" a male voice bellowed from the stage when the door to the theater slammed shut behind Jesse and Rachel.

A young woman scrambled to her feet from her spot on the stage floor before calling out, "It's our elusive stars!"

"Sorry we're late," Rachel began apologizing as they made their way down the center isle. There was about a dozen and a half people scattered on the stage and in the first few rows of the theater. "It's a bit of a drive and my chemistry teacher held us a few extra minutes last period."

"Chemistry?" the owner of the male voice, a man who looked to be in his mid twenties with sandy brown hair and green eyes, asked. "I failed high school chemistry twice, I can't even imagine how hard it must be on the college level."

As Rachel and Jesse neared the stage the blush of embarrassment on her fact became visible in the lights. "Um, actually, I'm still in high school," she admitted sheepishly.

"High school?" the woman repeated incredulously. "How old are you?"

Rachel wished the stage would open up and swallow her whole. "Sixteen," she answered meekly.

There was looks of shock passed between the two before the man spoke. "And we thought Jesse was the baby of the bunch," he laughed. "Don't worry, Jess. You're still the most immature. And the ugliest." He gave Jesse a light punch to the shoulder before slinging an arm around him and laughing.

"Shut up, Luke," Jesse retorted amicably.

"So, do we get to know your name?" the woman asked, her smile showing she meant no harm.

"Oh, how rude of me!" Rachel exclaimed extending her hand to shake her co-star's. "I'm Rachel Berry."

"I'm Mandy," the woman returned before gesturing to the man. "And this moron is Luke."

"Hey! I'm no moron! And don't worry, Rachel," Luke continued to Rachel. "We'll take care of you here."

Rachel smiled gratefully, more than relieved that they weren't giving her a hard time about her age. "Thank you. It's wonderful to meet you both. Is this the whole cast?"

"Just about," Mandy answered as she scanned the theater. "This is pretty much the whole gang. Except Julia, Scott and Karen, but they're around here somewhere. I'll introduce you to everyone."

Jesse looked around and noted the absence of their director. "So is Mr. Ellis in his lair?" he asked Mandy and Luke knowingly.

Mandy rolled her eyes. "I don't know what the hell he does back there all the time. He must be trying to give J. D. Salinger a run for his money in the creepy but brilliant loner department. I'll go let him know we're all accounted for," she volunteered before disappearing backstage.

"Guess I should go let Scott and Karen know their smoke break is over," Luke added before excusing himself.

Soon Mr. Ellis made his way to the stage with Mandy and another a young woman trailing behind him. When they reached Jesse and Rachel, the young woman introduced herself as Julia and explained that she'd be playing the part of Emily's sister. It was then that Rachel learned that Mandy's and Luke's characters were the childhood friends of Jesse's and Rachel's characters and the four would have quite a bit of interaction.

Luke returned with the last two members of the main cast. "Hey Rachel! This is Karen and Scott," he announced cheerily. "Don't let their old age fool you, they're surprisingly agile for senior citizens."

Rachel blushed on their behalf and greeted each of them with a shy smile and a polite handshake. They were older, maybe early 50s, but certainly not senior citizens. Mandy then linked her arm through Rachel's and shuffled her off to meet a group of cast members sitting in the back left corner of the stage.

Rehearsal got under way and Rachel soon let go of her anxiety over her cast mates liking her. Everyone seemed relatively friendly and she was almost sure she wouldn't be taking any icy cold drinks to the face while in their presence. They all seemed much too mature for those types of juvenile antics anyway.

Mr. Ellis was intense and worked them hard, but Rachel appreciated his work ethic. He didn't smile a whole lot and tended to bark out gruff but imaginative directions at random. During their first break, somewhere around 8pm, Rachel approached the surly director with her script in hand. He was seated in row that fell somewhere in the middle of the theater scribbling notes on his copy of the script. "Mr. Ellis?"

The older man looked up from his papers to peer at her. "Yes?" he greeted.

"I have a question," she began before pausing to allow him a chance to object to her badgering. When he continued to stare at her expectantly she went on. "Should I be playing Emily more vulnerable? Because I read her as confident and head strong, but her circumstances are pretty trying, so I was thinking there should also be a sense of vulnerability there."

Mr. Ellis put his papers down on his lap and focused his full attention on his young female lead. "I think you're bringing an adequate amount of vulnerability to the part, Rachel," he said seriously. "After all, vulnerability is pretty ingrained in someone your age. Teens are all brooding and emotional."

"Adequate?" Rachel echoed in horror. She hated the word adequate, she wouldn't settle for being anything less than extraordinary.

"Remember she's not a victim, but she's no hero either. There's a duality to Emily. You need to be strong yet soft at the same time," Mr. Ellis elaborated.

"But is it ok?" she asked as she chewed on her bottom lip. "I mean my portrayal. Is it ok?"

"It's still early. You're on the right track, but we'll work on it more. Vulnerability is not a weakness, Rachel. It's a rawness. It's a feeling of exposure," he replied. Mr. Ellis placed his clipboard on the seat next to him and stood up, locking his eyes with Rachel's and stepping closer to her. "What are you feeling right now?"

"What?" Rachel squeaked out. Her director's proximity was making her incredibly uncomfortable, but she couldn't tell him that.

He leaned further into her personal space and maintained his intense eye contact. "How are you feeling at this moment? Are you overwhelmed? Scared? Nervous?" he challenged darkly.

"Yes!" she answered emphatically.

Mr. Ellis laughed and relaxed his gaze. "See, you're vulnerable because this is unfamiliar and scary, but you're not crying in the corner, are you?"

"No, of course not!" Not even she was that dramatic.

"Well, that's what I need you to bring to Emily," he declared. "A determination, with a little bit of hesitation. But don't turn into a sad sack. Those two parts of her may be battling it out, but she's not letting the soft part win. Do you understand?"

Rachel nodded and smiled. "Yes. Thank you."

Mr. Ellis gave her shoulder an affectionate squeeze and excused himself to his office. Rachel skipped off to join Jesse and the others on their dinner break.

* * *

><p>On the ride home, Rachel gushed about the play and Mr. Ellis and confided in Jesse that she thought Mandy and Luke might really like her and maybe they could all hang out some time. She was talking so excitedly about rehearsal that she failed to notice when Jesse finally drove into Lima.<p>

"Slow down, Rach," Jesse laughed as she recounted a joke Luke told. "I was there too, remember?"

"Sorry," Rachel replied ducking her head in embarrassment. "It just went really well today and I'm so happy. Didn't you think it went well?"

Jesse nodded his agreement. "Yes. Very well. Remind me not to give you coffee after 6 ever again though."

It was nearly midnight when she walked through her front door. Her fathers had called her at ten before they went to bed to say their good nights and instruct her to get right to bed when she got home. Initially, they were less than thrilled with the idea of her taking on such a time consuming endeavor, but they trusted their daughter and knew how much doing this play meant to her. So after some careful consideration and in depth discussions of schedules and rules, they finally agreed. She'd have to forego her morning elliptical routine in order to sleep to 7:30 am and get the 7 hours of sleep a night her fathers mandated, but she didn't mind too much. She was also warned that if her grades slipped even the slightest bit, she'd be pulled from the production immediately. Her dads were the kindest people she knew, but she didn't doubt their threats. So every free minute she had, including all her free periods at school and breaks at the theater, was spent studying or doing homework. She was busy but she was loving it.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Thanks to all those who've read, reviewed or put this story on alert. Please let me know what you think. <em>**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed or put this story on alert. We should be getting to the drama soon, just stick with me. Just to remind everyone once again, this takes place last season during junior year, after Regionals, but before Nationals. **

* * *

><p>The Tuesday after her first rehearsal was going surprisingly well for Rachel at school. She wasn't slushied once and the day's only low point came when Santana openly mocked her purple tights in the hallway, telling her that those tights paired with her green polk-a-dot dress made her look like the world's most unappetizing bunch of grapes. Still, the insult only caused her stew for a second or two before she forged on.<p>

Sure, it still hurt when her classmates taunted her, but Rachel Berry was sort of over high school. Perhaps she was getting a little ahead of herself, because landing the role in Mr. Ellis's play certainly didn't guarantee her success in the future, but she was pretty confident that she was currently closer to her goals than anyone else at the school, and that made her feel pretty good. She already knew there was something more waiting for her outside of the walls of McKinley, while most of her peers couldn't see beyond high school or Lima.

The play didn't rehearse on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which worked out perfectly for Rachel because Glee met on those days. She entered the choir room and quietly took her seat, but was promptly swarmed by her fellow club members, asking questions about the play and when it would open. Rachel, of course, fielded their inquiries graciously, excited to be the center of attention without prompting.

Mr. Schue was pretty supportive about the whole thing, assuring Rachel he'd be in the audience on opening night. She smiled widely and told him she'd reserve a seat for him in the front row next to her fathers.

Kurt, fresh off his transfer back to McKinley from Dalton Academy, also promised he'd be there on opening night, with Blaine in tow. He informed Rachel that he already had his outfit picked out and asked if the production team needed any help with wardrobe.

Puck asked her if there would be any nudity in the play. Rachel responded with righteous indignation before explaining that there were a couple of "scenes of passion," but if Puck was looking for something salacious, he should stick to Cinemax. Puck just shrugged and said that "scenes of passion" sounded hot enough and that he too would be there.

Tina and Mercedes mentioned possibly going together, and Mike and Sam agreed that it might be cool to check it out.

Finn looked like he wanted to join the conversation, but Quinn's scowl and firm hand on his arm kept him from doing so.

Rachel couldn't help smiling throughout the first fifteen minutes of practice. Her teammates not only seemed happy for her, but were actually interested in seeing her perform.

The group began to discuss Nationals and Rachel was honestly a little surprised because Nationals were still a couple months away and they never started rehearsing for a competition this early.

When Mr. Schue asked if anyone had any ideas for their setlist, Quinn's hand instantly shot up.

"I think Finn and I should sing a duet," she suggested primly, pointedly glaring at Rachel as she she spoke. "Since we're together now I think it would be wise to use our chemistry to our advantage while performing. Plus, we make great spokesmodels for the club. We're both popular and aesthetically pleasing, the judges will love us."

Finn looked kind of embarrassed and squirmed uncomfortably in his chair. He wouldn't mind singing with Quinn, but he didn't think their looks would please the judges all that much.

"A bag of rocks has more chemistry than you guys," Santana snarked, causing the group to laugh appreciatively.

Mr. Schue seemed hesitant about the idea. "Okay, maybe. Did you two have a particular song in mind?"

"Something way better than that god-awful 'Faithfully' mess from last year. This way we might actually win," Quinn replied bitterly.

Rachel considered defending her and Finn's Regional performance from the previous year, but quickly swallowed the urge. She knew she and Finn did an amazing job with the song and their last place finish didn't reflect the quality of their performance, but she also knew there was no use in explaining so to Quinn.

"I thought me and Rachel sounded pretty good together last year," Finn muttered with a shrug. It was evident from the way he nervously shifted his eyes around the room that he was a little afraid to admit such a thing in front of his girlfriend.

"So you would rather sing with that _thing_ again than sing with me?" Quinn snapped harshly.

Finn pulled his hand from his girlfriend's grasp and ran it over his face tiredly. "Of course I want to sing with you, but Rachel and I killed it at Regionals last year."

"We lost, Finn! So you two weren't that great. Or are you so stupid that you forgot?" she shrieked.

Rachel couldn't hold her tongue any longer and rose from her seat to address the blonde. "Don't call him stupid! He's not stupid and that's not a very nice thing to say to your boyfriend."

Quinn caught the way Finn's lips twitched into a smile at Rachel's words and shot out of her seat to point threateningly at Rachel. "Listen, you ugly little freak, don't think you're going to get your grubby man-hands on my guy again!"

"Hey! That's enough!" Mr. Schue shouted over his students, hoping to diffuse the situation before it escalated. "Quinn, Rachel, please sit down. I'm very disappointed with the shouting and name calling I'm hearing in this room. You guys are supposed to be a team."

"Ugh, I'm so over this Rachel, Finn and Quinn drama," Santana said with a sigh. "Can we please get off this relationship merry-go-round because I'm getting seriously nauseous."

"There's no drama," Rachel answered. "Finn and Quinn are together and that's that. I'm not sure why I was attacked today," she continued with an annoyed glance in Quinn's direction, "but I think it'd be best if we simply moved on."

"Yes. Thank you, Rachel. Let's move on now," Mr. Schue said trying to reign in his students. "So does everyone agree that we should perform a duet at Nationals?"

There was a chorus of nodding and mumbled verbal agreements.

"But I don't think Finn and Quinn should get it just because they're dating, or doing whatever it is people call not having sex with each other," Puck called out. "I mean who says whoever duets has to be romantically involved? Can't we just pick the two people who will perform together the best?"

"Yeah," Mercedes agreed readily. "I'd love to duet with my man Kurt."

"You two would sound amazing together!" Rachel gushed, earning herself a smile from both Kurt and Mercedes.

Mr. Schue considered Puck's proposal. "Okay. Maybe we can hold some auditions. I'd like to decide who will do the duet first, and then we can set the leads for the group piece accordingly," he told the kids. "We know Finn and Quinn will be trying out, and I take it I can add Mercedes and Kurt to the list as well?"

Mercedes and Kurt exchanged a wink and a carefully practiced handshake before nodding their consent at their teacher.

"Anyone else?" Mr. Schue wondered as he wrote the four students' names on the white board.

Puck cleared his throat and straightened up in his seat. "I'd like a crack at it."

"You want to sing lead at a competition?" Mike pipped up.

Puck shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest menacingly. "Yeah, imagine how badass our duet will be with me on lead male vocals," he replied smugly.

"I don't do duets, Puckerman," Lauren interjected. "I admit Glee club hasn't been the total suckfest I thought it would be, but I ain't getting up in front of all those people and singing a sappy love song with you."

"Rach, how about you sing with me?" Puck asked leaning forward and looking down at her from his seat on the top riser.

"Um," Rachel began hesitantly. "I would love to, Noah, but," she trailed off glancing towards Mercedes and Kurt, "I got my chance to shine at Regionals and others deserve their shot now."

"Come on, Rachel. Just go for it," Kurt urged. "Everyone who wants to audition should get the chance, and you know you want to."

"Yeah," Mercedes agreed. "And we don't need you to bow out on our behalf. Kurt and I are gonna bring it and we'll win this thing fair and square," she said with a grin.

Rachel laughed and chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully. Of course she would love to sing lead at Nationals, but she had a lot of opportunities that some of the others didn't and maybe it wouldn't be fair to take another.

"We should go with whichever pair is the best, and if that includes Rachel then who cares if she got to sing at Regionals? I just want to win," Sam added.

"Ok," Rachel conceded softly. "I would be honored to audition with you, Noah."

Puck clapped his hands together loudly. "You're going down, Hudson," he taunted from behind his friend.

Most of the group paired off to discuss auditioning for the coveted duet at Nationals. Mike and Brittany decided to bow out, leaving Tina and Artie to audition together. Santana cajoled Sam into auditioning with her, going on about how he was the only one left and how she wasn't about to pass up the opportunity to beat both Rachel and Quinn at something just because all the normal-mouth-sized people were taken.

"You sure Lauren won't mind that you're singing with me?" Rachel asked when Puck came down to join her in the front row.

"Nah, she's cool. She's not the jealous type." Puck turned to wink at his girl, who was too busy playing Tiny Wings on her phone to respond.

Rachel smiled. "So did you have any ideas for our duet?"

Finn spent the next 20 minutes of Glee zoning out while Quinn railed at him for not supporting her earlier and accused him of still being into Rachel. He couldn't really deny it because he was starting to think that maybe he _was_ still into Rachel. He hated that Quinn called her ugly in front of everyone because he knew how insecure Rachel was about her looks, and he hated that he didn't defend Rachel against Quinn the way Rachel defended him when Quinn called him stupid. But Quinn was his girlfriend and she could be seriously scary when she was pissed off. Maybe he should text Rachel an apology or something.

He glanced over at Rachel, who was chatting animately with Puck on the other end of the choir room. She had her pink binder in her lap and was writing and gesturing frantically while Puck alternatively nodded and rolled his eyes. Finn wondered what they would sing, if it would be a love song, and if they would stare longingly into each other's eyes as they performed. Rachel had the most expressive eyes he'd ever seen. Sure, Rachel had assured him that she wasn't interested in Puck romantically, and that her little dalliance with him before Sectionals was done out of pain and spite, plus Puck had Lauren now, but part of him was a little worried that they'd fall for each other while practicing some cheesy romantic ballad.

Finn felt guilty for having these thoughts, he shouldn't be worrying about who Rachel was rehearsing plays with or practicing love songs with. He was with Quinn now and she deserved his undivided attention, but he definitely was worried. He didn't want Rachel falling for some other guy again and he knew how easily Rachel fell. When he broke up with Rachel, officially broke up with her at the Christmas tree lot, he was _so _angry and hurt that he really thought he'd never want to be with her again, but the pain was starting to fade. Rachel made a mistake, but so had he. And maybe he rushed back into things with Quinn because he thought it'd help him get closure, he thought he'd be able to find out how things would have played out last year if there had been no baby drama, but he was starting to realize that it wasn't just Quinn's cheating with Puck and lying about Beth that broke them apart, they just didn't work together. He wasn't happy with Quinn, and from the way Quinn was currently yelling at him he had a feeling she wasn't happy with him either.

Quinn's voice pierced through his thoughts sharply. "So what do you think? Finn? Finn! Are you even listening to me? Finn!"

Finn looked at his girlfriend dumbly for a moment. "What?"

"I said we should do that Taylor Swift song as our duet. What do you think?" Quinn asked, annoyance detectable in her voice.

"I think we should break up."

Quinn froze. "What?"

"I, uh, no," Finn sputtered, waving his hands and turning in his stupid plastic chair that was too small for him to focus on his girlfriend. "I didn't mean that." Except he absolutely meant it, he just didn't mean to say it out loud in front of the entire Glee club at that precise moment. And he definitely didn't mean to say it so loud that the rest of the club would hear and stare at them intently.

"You didn't mean to break up with me in front of a room full of people? You didn't mean to embarrass me?" Quinn asked scornfully. "It's that goddamn tranny, isn't it?" she demanded, drawing Rachel's attention from across the room. "She's been throwing herself at you since you dumped her and you fell for it. I can't believe this is happening again!"

Finn tried to calm down Quinn as the rest of the group looked on hungrily, the couple was putting on quite the show and they were a rapt audience. He tried to explain that he thought they'd both be happier apart, and then apologized for breaking up with her in the worst possible way, but Quinn continued to rant and blame Rachel for his decision. Finn knew she was just upset, but he really wished Quinn would stop calling Rachel a troll and a transvestite because that wasn't cool.

Mr. Schue dismissed the club, but everyone stayed in their seats listening to Quinn berate Finn, except Rachel, who slipped out of the room somewhere between the third and fourth insult Quinn hurled at her.

* * *

><p>Rachel was looking forward to Wednesday's play rehearsal. School had been tense all day as Quinn shot her withering glares and Finn did his best to corner her into a conversation she wasn't yet ready to have. She had escaped the worst of Quinn's wrath and successfully managed to avoid Finn all day, but she was physically and emotionally drained. Jesse pulling up into McKinley's parking lot at 3:00 o'clock sharp was a welcomed sight.<p>

"Long day?" Jesse asked when she slumped down into the passenger seat and closed her eyes.

"Very," Rachel answered simply before reaching out and turning the radio volume up. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the long ride to Columbus.

* * *

><p>The next couple of days passed in a blur. Rachel was still avoiding Finn, which was clearly confusing the boy, while throwing herself fully into play rehearsal. She spent the majority of Thursday's Glee practice working with Noah on their audition piece so that she wouldn't have to respond to Finn's pleading looks.<p>

"What's with you and Hudson?" Puck asked as he tuned his guitar. "It's like you two are never on the same page when it comes to being into each other."

Rachel shook her head regretfully. She wasn't even sure what her problem was now, all she knew was that she had finally gotten to a pretty good place without Finn. She had the play, and a few new friends, and she didn't want to go back to feeling like she did before all that came along. And if things with Finn didn't work out _again_, she'd definitely be back to being the sad hopelessly love-sick girl she was before she landed the role of Emily. She wanted to be with Finn again so badly, but she absolutely hated being that girl. Maybe with a little more time she'd be strong enough to take another chance with Finn.

"Can we just work on the song, Noah?" Rachel asked tiredly.

Puck smirked at her over his guitar. "Sure thing, Princess."

* * *

><p>But time was apparently not on her side because the very next day Finn blocked her path into their third period History class.<p>

"What's going on with you? I thought you wanted to get back together?" he asked, his large frame easily filling the doorframe.

Rachel gazed under his arm to see Mrs. Handley still seated at her desk, the day's lesson yet to begin. "We have class, Finn," she said as she tried to squeeze past him.

"No, we're talking about this now. We're way more important than some stupid history class," he declared.

Rachel let herself be led away from the classroom door by Finn's strong hand on her elbow. "I did want to get back together. I still do," she admitted quietly once they found themselves in a near empty corridor.

"So why are you avoiding me like I have some sort of community disease?" the boy implored.

"Communicable," Rachel corrected. "And I just need some time. I'm confused, Finn," she answered truthfully.

Finn furrowed his brow. "Confused about what? About us? What's there to be confused about?"

With a quick glance around the clearing hallway, Rachel sighed, "These last few months. You and Quinn. Everything. I'm so tired of fighting for a boy who doesn't want me."

"I want you!" he cried earnestly. "These last few months were a mistake. I should have never gotten back together with Quinn. I was upset, ok? You know what it's like to do something stupid when you're upset, don't you?" he finished, his voice growing more cutting in tone.

Rachel frowned at his allusion to her brief indiscretion with Puck. "Yes. And I also know what it's like to not be forgiven for doing something stupid when you're upset," she replied coldly. "I have a lot going on right now, Finn. I can't just drop everything and come running back to you because you decided you want to give it another go!"

"I'm not asking you to drop everything!" Finn said exasperatedly. "I just realized how miserable I was without you and how much better everything is when you're around. I tried so hard to get over you, but I couldn't, and why should I get over you when I could have you? When we could have each other?"

"Finn," Rachel started warily. She had wanted this for so long, she had spent hours imagining Finn coming to this very realization in dramatic fashion and rushing to find her so that he could deliver some over the top romantic speech about how much he loved her, and now he doing just that, but she wasn't overcome with the need to throw herself into his arms like she did in her daydreams. Instead she was afraid of what would happen this time around and kind of pissed about what had happened last time. "You just broke up with Quinn," she reminded him. "I won't be the other girl."

"You're not the other girl!" Finn insisted. "You're _the_ girl. The _only_ girl I want. The only girl I'm ever going to want."

Rachel could feel her resolve faltering. She wanted to smile, or cry, or just kiss Finn right then. He was so cute when he was determined, and she really did want this just as much as he seemed to. "Let's just give it some time, Finn. We keep jumping into things and then we wonder what went wrong. I know I hurt you and I feel terrible about it, but I've been hurt too. So take some time to get over Quinn and then we'll talk. You focus on yourself for a bit and I'll focus on me. Ok?"

"I am over Quinn! I was never even under Quinn!" he argued, his eyes widening comically when he realized what he'd said. "I didn't mean it like that!" he added quickly. "I mean, it's true we never... I never was under her in any sense…I mean we did stuff, but she's still into that celibacy thing, well back into it I guess after the whole baby mess, which is cool because I know you're into it too, but not because of religious stuff like Quinn, but just because you are, and I'm totally fine with waiting for-"

"Finn," Rachel cut off. "Stop talking."

Finn chucked nervously because Rachel was sort of smiling and didn't seem all that angry about his case of verbal diarrhea. "I can't believe Rachel Berry is telling me to stop talking," he joked.

"I'm a little shocked myself," she agreed with a smile, "but you were sort of embarrassing yourself."

His eyes darkened and he reached for her hand. "I'm serious, Rachel. I don't need time. I just need to be your boyfriend again."

Rachel reached up to turn the collar on his plaid shirt down with a small smile. "I can't do it again, Finn," she said softly. "Losing you broke my heart, and I'm a completely different person when my heart is broken. I can't become that person again."

Finn seemed to realize that this was something Rachel needed. "Okay, I'll give it some time. We don't have to rush back into anything, we can be friends for now, but Rachel, I'm not giving up on us being together. _Really_ being together. So do whatever you need to do and I'll be here when you decide you're ready," he said firmly, his trademark lopsided smile in place.

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><p>On Sunday, after the whole cast had rehearsed for six hours, Mr. Ellis dismissed everyone except for Rachel and Jesse. The director said he wanted some alone time with his lead actors.<p>

Rachel didn't think anything of the extra rehearsal time because she and Jesse had a lot of scenes together and it only made sense that as the leads they put more time into the production.

After running through two different scenes under Mr. Ellis's watchful eye, the older man joined his young actors on stage.

"Not bad," he said circling the pair thoughtfully. "But Jesse, I want you to be angrier in the kitchen scene. More forceful. Your girl just betrayed you. You're pissed! And Rachel, more desperation, more hunger. Emily has screwed up and is now throwing herself at Jake in hopes he'll stay. You need to convince him staying in Ohio is worth it. Can you do that?"

Rachel nodded. "Yes, I'll try."

"Don't try, just do it!" Mr. Ellis snapped, startling the girl. "Let's do it again."

Rachel and Jesse did the scene three more times. It wasn't the only time the script called for the duo to kiss, but it was definitely the most passionate of the kisses they were to share. Despite their history, or maybe because of it, Rachel thought her chemistry with Jesse was rather palpable and was surprised to hear Mr. Ellis critique the scene as forced and rigid.

"Maybe you're just too young to get it," Mr. Ellis sighed after Rachel pulled away from Jesse's embrace.

Rachel straightened as if she'd just been slapped. "What? No! I'm not! We'll do it again, we'll keep doing it till we get it right," she insisted.

Mr. Ellis walked the length of the stage a couple of times as if he was contemplating something. Jesse looked at Rachel and shrugged, if he was anywhere near as upset at their director's criticism as Rachel, he wasn't showing it.

"I'm hungry," Mr. Ellis announced out suddenly.

Rachel wondered if it was a requirement for all directors to be slightly crazy, like maybe their creativity came at the cost of their sanity. Mr. Ellis wasn't outright insane, but he was definitely a little odd.

"Should we take a break? It is getting late." Jesse suggested. It was after seven o'clock and he wouldn't mind some dinner.

"You should. And go get me an eggplant panini from Gino's. I need to work with our young starlet here," Mr. Ellis said dryly. "Maybe she'll understand what passion means by the time you get back."

Jesse gave Rachel a sympathetic smile. He had done a couple of plays at UCLA and knew what it was like to work with a difficult director, although most difficult directors didn't send him to Italian restaurants on the other side of town to get eggplant. "I'll bring you back a salad," he told her before leaving the stage.

Rachel bit her lip nervously. Was her performance really bad enough to require one-on-one attention from Mr. Ellis? She didn't want to question her director, but she thought he was being a bit hard on her.

"Would you like me to read the lines again?" Rachel asked hesitantly. She had initially appreciated Mr. Ellis's intensity and passion for his project, but she had to admit he could be a bit scary when he got worked up.

Mr. Ellis rested his hands on the back of one of the wooden prop chairs that was meant to serve as Emily and Jake's kitchen furniture. "Sit down, Rachel."

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you think. <strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Bumped the rating up from T to M for this chapter. It's a little graphic, so be warned. **

**Also, I know next to nothing about theatre so I'm sort of just winging it with the stage stuff. Sorry for my ignorance.**

**Thanks to all those who read, reviewed, or put this on alert... please let me know what you think. **

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><p>"Sit down, Rachel."<p>

Rachel eyed her director curiously. The direction itself wasn't strange, the opening of the scene did call for her to be sitting down, but there was something strange, something dark, about Mr. Ellis's command.

Casting aside any doubts as unfounded paranoia, Rachel took a seat, neatly smoothing down her skirt as she did. She turned her head to gaze up at Mr. Ellis, who was still standing behind her with his hands on the chair's back. The man seemed busy pondering something off stage so Rachel turned forward again. But his silence and proximity was too unnerving to stand.

"Uh, Mr. Eliis?" she started cautiously.

He cut her off with the lift of his hand. "I think I made a mistake."

"A mistake?" Rachel questioned, turning in her chair to look at the man.

Mr. Ellis nodded. "Yes. This was a mistake. You were a mistake. You're too green for this role, Rachel. You're not ready."

Rachel gasped in horror. "No! I'm not! I'm ready. I'm so ready!"

"I cast you not only because of your talent, although that was obviously a large part of it," Mr. Ellis said thoughtfully, "but because I thought you wanted it more than anyone else. Now, I'm not so sure you really want it."

"What?" Rachel exclaimed, outraged by the claim. "Of course I want this! No one wants this more than me! I've been picturing my first staring role on stage since I was 3 years old! I want this. I want this more than anything!" She started to jump out of her chair, but Mr. Ellis placed his hands on her shoulders to keep her from doing so.

Mr. Ellis shrugged, although his heavy hands on Rachel's shoulders prevented her from turning to see the gesture. "Well, I don't feel it. You don't act like you want this, Rachel."

"I'm trying! Please, tell me what I need to do. I want this performance to be perfect," the girl pleaded desperately. Rachel had always been fairly confident in her abilities so hearing such a scathing critique was a hard pill to swallow.

"You need to make me feel it. Can you do that, Rachel?" he asked lowly. Mr. Ellis started to knead his hands into Rachel's shoulders, massaging her muscles gently. "Can you make me feel it?" he repeated.

"I, uh, I think so," Rachel answered, her body squirming uncomfortably under the older man's touch. She wasn't quite sure what her director was doing, or how to get him to stop, so she babbled on nervously. "Should I re-read the scene? I could probably annunciate my lines more, that might help convey Emily's passion better. I think-"

"Your annunciation is fine, Rachel," Mr. Ellis interrupted briskly.

Granted she hadn't worked with many directors, but Rachel was pretty sure this wasn't normal behavior.

"What about blocking? Do I need to work on that? I thought I had it down, but if you think-"

"No. That's not it either. God, you're so tense," he said.

The pressure of Mr. Ellis's hands on Rachel increased and her shoulders tensed from the firm contact. Rachel tried to shrug off his hands, but he just pressed into her flesh harder.

"Mr. Ellis, I don't think… I don't really need a massage," Rachel squeaked out meekly. She knew she was on thin ice with the director, he had already expressed his doubt about her, and she didn't want to upset him, but he was making her so uncomfortable and she just had to say _something_.

"I'm just trying to loosen you up. Maybe then you'll be able to feel it," Mr. Ellis countered. "You're not feeling it, Rach. You're not making the audience feel it. You need to make me feel it."

Finally, he broke the contact and walked around to sit in the chair opposite Rachel, who was relieved to be free of her director's touch.

"Feel? Feel what exactly, Mr. Ellis?" she asked, slightly confused by the man's instruction.

"Seduction! Want! Desire!" Mr. Ellis shouted, slamming his hand down on the small wooden table that sat adjacent to the two chairs with each word. "Emily is a temptress. She knows how to get what she wants. Do you?"

Rachel startled at his fury. "I-I don't know," she stammered.

"Your seduction of Jake is flat. It's completely unbelievable that any man would be tempted to sleep with you," he said simply.

Rachel scrunched her face in offense and drew back, clearly insulted by the statement.

"I'm not saying you're not attractive," Mr. Ellis elaborated straightforwardly. "You're a beautiful girl. But you're not desirable. You need to be sexy, you need to make Jake want you more than he wants to go to California."

"I'm sorry, I don't know how. I don't think I'm cut out for sexy," she admitted in a small voice, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. She considered herself a pretty skilled actress, but she didn't believe sexiness was something that could be faked and she was certain she didn't possess it naturally.

"Nonsense!" he declared decisively. "You just need to loosen up, you need to be comfortable with your sexuality on stage, or no one is going to buy into Jake's desire for you."

Rachel nodded dully, unsure of how she was supposed to be comfortable with something she didn't possess.

Mr. Ellis pulled his chair closer to Rachel's, his knee grazing hers lightly. "So are you?" he asked lowly. "Are you comfortable with your sexuality, Rachel?

"I…I suppose so," she lied.

Mr. Ellis looked unconvinced. "You suppose so? You don't know so? Have you ever even been with a man?" he inquired, his eyes raised in amused curiosity.

"Excuse me?" Rachel sputtered in surprise. "I don't think that's relevant. I'm perfectly capable of fulfilling this role with or without sexual experience!" Her voice was increasing in pitch, the bluntness of his question throwing her off balance.

"Oh my. Are you a virgin, Miss Berry?" Mr Ellis pressed, his voice smug and scornful.

Rachel shook her head in disbelief and sat up straighter in her chair. "I-I really don't think that's relevant. And I must say I find this line of questioning rather inappropriate, Mr. Ellis. My personal life has no bearing on my ability to perform as this character, and I would much rather not discuss my sexual history."

"Relax, Rach," Mr. Ellis said with a chuckle. "See, that's just what I was talking about. You're so uptight. You can't even discuss sex like a mature adult."

"I am not uptight!" Rachel protested hotly.

Mr. Ellis laughed openly at her indignation. "Don't worry, I think it's cute. But wouldn't you rather loosen up so you can nail this part? Emily is a sexual being."

"Of course," she conceded, "but like I was trying to say before, what I lack in experience, I make up for in ability and determination-"

"My God, you talk too much," the director cut her off, obviously uninterested in Rachel's explaination. "Let's just rehearse the scene, I doubt anyone will expect much from an unknown kid anyway. We'll just have to re-cast when we make it to New York."

Rachel jumped forward anxiously, her knees knocking into Mr. Ellis's. "No! I can do this! I'll prove it to you, I promise!"

"There you go! There's the fire! Now, let me show you what I was talking about," he replied, matching her urgency with his excitement. "I'll read as Jake."

Mr. Ellis flipped through his copy of the play until he found the scene they were working on. He read the lines Rachel was used to hearing Jesse recite.

Much to Rachel's surprise, Mr. Ellis went in for the scripted kiss. She had only rehearsed that part with Jesse, whom she was more than comfortable kissing, and wasn't sure how to react. Sure, she had done her share of readings with Mr. Ellis over the last week, but he never acted on the directions before. Besides, the scene called for Emily to kiss Jake heatedly, not the other way around, but Mr. Ellis had definitely initiated the kiss.

Just as quickly as he had kissed her, he drew back and slapped the play against his knee. "You see? I'm talking about passion! About desire! Emily wants to devour Jake, she wants to give him a reason to stay. Do you understand?" Mr. Ellis asked.

"I, um, yes. I think so," she replied hazily.

"Then show me," he prompted.

Rachel was thrown. "What?"

"Show me," Mr. Ellis urged, "show me you want to devour me."

"You want me to kiss you?" Rachel implored uncertainly.

"It's part of the scene, isn't it?" he countered, as if her reservations were completely unfounded.

"Well, yes," Rachel agreed hastily, because it was indeed part of the scene, but he was her director, and older than her fathers, and it was just _too_ weird. "But shouldn't I be rehearsing this with Jesse? I'm not sure what good it would be practicing this particular scene without him."

"Stop blabbering and start acting, Rachel! Now, show me!" Mr. Ellis demanded loudly, pounding his fist on the table in irritation.

Rachel delivered a quick peck on the lips where the play called for Emily to desperately kiss Jake after an argument in their kitchen. She just couldn't kiss a man her fathers' age like she would Jesse, or Finn, or any other boy she was interested in.

Mr. Ellis seemed unimpressed with her kiss. "You call that a kiss? Fire, Rach! Where's the fire? The want? The need?" he asked dramatically.

"I thought that was more than sufficient."

"Sufficient? Is that what we're aiming for? You want to be a sufficient actress, Rachel?" Mr. Ellis challenged.

"No, of course not! I want to be the best!" Rachel insisted, outraged at the accusation. Rachel Berry strived for the best, not settled for acceptable.

Mr. Elli's eyes flashed with power. "Then show me!"

Rachel couldn't suppress her frustration at Mr. Ellis's implication. She needed to prove him wrong, she knew she could play this part better than anyone else. Swallowing her hesitation Rachel leaned in and firmly pressed her lips against her mentor's. She had to show him she could do this.

"What was that? You call that passion?" Mr. Ellis cried in disgust. "This is passion!" Without warning he grabbed her face between his hands and slammed his lips against hers, pushing his tongue into her mouth when her lips parted slightly in shock. She had limited experience with stage kisses, but she knew enough to know that tongue was not required.

Rachel managed to pull out of his firm hold after a few moments and scrambled to her feet hastily, her fingertips ghosting lightly over her just kissed lips.

"Mr. Ellis, I don't... I think maybe we've rehearsed enough for today. Jesse isn't even here to read with me, perhaps it'd be best if we postponed working till he returns."

"You don't think I'm a suitable stand-in for that curly-haired pretty boy?" Mr. Ellis asked darkly, the edge to his voice frightening.

Rachel shook her head franticly. "No, no you make a wonderful Jake," she said trying to placate him. "I just think it's important that Jesse and I work on our chemistry for the play, you know?

"Chemistry? What would a virgin know about chemistry?" he scoffed. "You're doing it again and this time I don't want to sense any hesitation from my lead actress, or I won't hesitate to find someone who could properly play the part!"

Rachel was taken aback by Mr. Ellis's tone. The man sounded _so_ angry and upset, and she didn't doubt his threat to recast the part. He did take a risk in giving her the role in the first place, as Emily was a few years older than she. It was Mr. Ellis's faith in her to play such a mature role that first sparked Rachel's professional admiration for the man, but now he was just inspiring fear and anxiety in her.

So once again, Rachel dutifully took her seat opposite her director on the stage and began to recite her lines. She hoped her delivery wasn't too compromised by her nerves, but she was pretty sure her hands were trembling slightly.

When it came time for the kiss she tried to push aside any feelings of doubt or discomfort and just go for it. She was supposed to be a professional, and professionals didn't get thrown by having to kiss an older man. Besides, if she took further issue with it Mr. Ellis would definitely send her packing and she wouldn't be able to ever show her face in public again if she got fired from her first real role.

Rachel closed her eyes and leaned forward to kiss the older man. She decided she'd fight the urge to instantly pull away and maintain the kiss for at least three seconds in hopes that the extended duration would translate into the passion Mr. Ellis was looking for. However, when the three seconds was up and Rachel tried to break the kiss she felt herself being pushed back in her chair by her director's hands on her shoulders. Mr. Ellis had latched onto her lips and wouldn't let go, again his tongue found entrance into her mouth. She pushed at his shoulder but it did little to move him. She told herself not to panic, that he was just committing to the role, he was an intense person after all, but when his right hand moved up to grab her hair in his first tightly and his left hand dropped to brush up and down her ribcage, she couldn't help it. Again, Rachel pushed at his chest, this time more forcefully, mumbling protests against his lips.

"That was good! You're almost there," Mr Ellis told her finally breaking the kiss and releasing his hold on her hair.

"I think I should go." When Rachel tried to stand, Mr. Ellis's hand at her side gripped the fabric of her blouse possesively, stalling her movement. She was more than uncomfortable now, she was outright scared.

"We were finally getting somewhere and now you want to leave?" His hand flew up to grab hold of her upper arm. "Is that any way for a dedicated actress to behave?" he asked, shaking her threateningly.

Rachel started to strain against his grasp. "I'm not comfortable performing this scene with you," she admitted.

"Of course not," Mr. Ellis laughed. "Little miss virgin isn't comfortable with a simple kissing scene." He yanked her closer to him and kissed her again. "Does that make you uncomfortable, Rachel?" he mocked as she tried to wiggle out of the embrace. "Look at you, you're practically squirming in your seat." He leaned forward to whisper in her ear. "You see, I think you're turned on right now, but you don't know what to do about it because you're so goddamn naive. But I can show you. You just have to let me." He sucked her earlobe into his mouth and placed his free hand on her upper right thigh, just at the hem of her skirt. "Do you want me to show you, Rachel?"

"No, I want to go," she replied shakily as she continued to squirm in her chair. Certain that she about to cry, Rachel shut her eyes and hoped this wasn't actually happening.

"So uptight," Mr. Ellis said with a shake of his head. "You need to loosen up, sweetheart." He slipped a hand under her skirt and between her thighs.

Instantly, Rachel clamped her legs together in an attempt to stop his traveling fingers.

"What are you doing?" she shrieked, her free hand flying to grab hold of his wrist. "Stop it!"

Using his arm as leverage, Mr. Ellis pried her legs open just enough so that his fingertips could graze the front of her panties, still holding her left arm at bay with his other hand.

"Shh, just relax."

Rachel recoiled from the touch. "Please, I don't want to do this. Just stop!"

He pushed harder, finally cupping her through the thin layer of cotton. "You need to feel it, Rachel. This will help you."

She struggled harder, his grip of her arm growing tighter with each thrash of her body. She turned, pushed and pulled till she worked herself off the chair and crashed onto the stage with a loud thud.

The action shocked them both and for a moment Rachel froze, sprawled out on the stage, looking up at a man she had trusted only an hour ago, with absolute horror and panic in her eyes. Mr. Ellis seemed to regain his bearings first and flew from his chair wildly. Rachel gasped with the realization that she was not yet safe and scrambled to get up. But he was faster and threw himself down at her, his large body easily pinning her to the stage.

"Why are you doing this?" Rachel cried as she tried to wrestle herself out from underneath his heavy mass.

"I said relax!" Mr. Ellis yelled, his face a mask of madness as he grasped Rachel's shoulders and shook her so violently that her teeth rattled. He smothered her face and neck with kisses as she screamed and struggled beneath him. He pressed his arm firmly against her chest to immobilize her and slid his other hand under her skirt, grasping at her thighs, groping and drawing them apart. Then, his fingers snaked under the thin fabric of her panties and slammed into her.

"Ahh!" she cried out. "Stop! Please don't do this!"

"You need to feel it, Rachel," he repeated. "Let me help you."

It hurt so much at first that Rachel saw spots behind her eyelids, which remained squeezed shut as Mr. Ellis continued to pump three fingers in and out of her, seemingly oblivious to her protests and tears. Her body shook with every forceful thrust of his hand between her legs. But eventually the sharp stabbing pain turned into a dull ache, then a deep burning and finally a bubbling tingle. She knew what was coming, she had done extensive internet research on the subject when she was with Finn, just in case, but she needed to fight it. She couldn't allow herself to do _that_.

"Please," she whimpered. It was humiliating enough to be at his mercy, spread out on the floor with his hand between her legs like this, she wouldn't further embarrass herself. "Ow-oh...p-please stop," she breathed raggedly.

"I don't think you mean that," Mr. Ellis rasped. "I can feel you, tight and wet, trembling around my fingers. You're so close. I knew you wanted this. Needed this. Go ahead, Rachel, let go. Come for me. "

No!" she spat, crying in earnest. "Please just stop it!"

"Come on, baby. You're almost there. Just let go." He quickened his pace, muttering dirty words into her ear as he manipulated her body. "That's it. You like this, don't you? You dirty little slut, I knew this was what you needed."

Rachel felt her walls clench and spasm involuntarily and let out a strangled sob. That was it, she had lost the last bit of her dignity.

"There you go," Mr. Ellis cooed with a slick smile. He rose to his feet, wiping his fingers on Rachel's skirt as he stood. "That's enough for tonight. And remember, Rachel, if you want this, if you and St. James ever want to make it, you have to play the part," he warned.

And then he was gone, leaving Rachel crying in a heap of pain and confusion on an empty stage.

Rachel remained unmoved for several minutes, taking shaky blubbery breaths and starring up at the stage lights wondering if she had really been assaulted by a man she respected, or if it had all been some sort of sick daydream. But as the fog in her head cleared, the ache between her legs throbbed and she was filled with an overwhelming sense of panic. Abruptly she pushed herself to her feet and took off running for the exit. Her legs felt like jelly and her stomach ached with nausea, but she needed to get out of there.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Thanks again for reading and reviewing. Please continue to heed the M rating on this story, although I don't think anything is too graphic, there are mentions of assault and such. **

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><p>Rachel bolted out the theater's double doors and into the parking lot, her heart pounding as her feet hit the pavement.<p>

"Whoa!" a voice rung out when she hit something hard and unyielding. "Rach, where's the fire?"

Drawing back to look up at the obstacle in her path, Rachel released a breath of relief. "Jesse," she said.

Jesse held a brown paper bag, filled with Italian take-out, and grinned down at his ex-girlfriend with fond amusement. He found her dramatic antics incredibly endearing.

"Where are you running off to? I thought Mr. Ellis wanted to rehearse some more tonight?" he asked.

Rachel shook her head frantically and reached for Jesse's arm. "No! We have to go! We have to leave right now," she said trying to drag him towards the car.

Jesse brandished the brown paper bag for Rachel to see. "But Mr. Ellis sent me to get his dinner, I assume he wants to eat it."

"No! He's not hungry anymore. He-he left. We have to go home," she insisted.

"What's going on, Rach? Why are you so out of breath?"

Rachel pulled on his arm more desperately. "Nothing! I just really want to go home. I-I don't feel too well so Mr. Ellis called it a night and left. Please, let's just go. I need to get home."

"Well, wouldn't want this to go to waste," Jesse said with a shrug as he pulled Mr. Ellis's panini out of the bag and unwrapped it. With his mouth full of eggplant, he spoke again, "this is pretty good, want some?"

Rachel declined the offer with a shake of her head and a look of disgust. She led Jesse to his SUV while scanning the parking lot for signs of the director.

Once they'd been on the road for a few minutes, Jesse glanced over at Rachel, who was staring out the window listlessly. "You sure you alright, Rach?" he asked. "You don't look so good."

Rachel stared at Jesse for a moment too long before speaking. "Cramps. It's that time of the month," she mumbled, sure he wouldn't press her about such a distinctly feminine ailment.

Predictably, Jesse let the subject drop with a solemn nod. He may have considered himself more advanced than most of his knuckle dragging male counterparts, but even he wasn't advanced enough to be comfortable talking about a girl's menstrual cycle.

They drove the rest of the way in silence, Rachel curled up against the passenger side window in hope that Jesse wouldn't notice the tears in her eyes or the way she sniffled. The farther they got from Columbus, the less restrictive the tightening in her chest felt.

When they were about 30 miles outside of Lima and the idea of facing her fathers made her want to burst into tears all over again, she considered telling Jesse what had happened back at the theater, but she couldn't bring herself to go through with it. He looked so content singing along softly to the show tune mix CD they worked on together, bobbing his head and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel in perfect rhythm. Occasionally he'd look at her out of the corner of his eye and mention something that happened at rehearsal with a smile. Mr. Ellis said she would put Jesse's career in jeopardy if she didn't play the part and go along with it, and what if Jesse thought the same? What if he didn't believe her? Or got mad at her for messing everything up? She couldn't possibly tell him.

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><p>Rachel repeated the cramps story for her dads the next morning and they agreed to let her stay home for the day. Since it wasn't something more serious, they didn't insist on staying with her and left for work after exchanging promises to check in and dropping paternal kisses on her forehead.<p>

She tried to make up for the sleep she couldn't get the night before, but it was useless. Every time her eye lids fell closed she would be plagued by visions of Mr. Ellis hovering over her with his hand between her legs and awake with a start, looking under the covers to make sure no one was touching her. She had showered when she got home the night before, but she repeated the process thoroughly that morning when she finally decided to drag herself out of bed.

The play rehearsed that afternoon, but the thought of seeing Mr. Ellis again made Rachel want to vomit. She texted Jesse around noon and told him she was feeling worse and wouldn't be able to make it to rehearsal. He texted back saying he'd let Mr. Ellis know and told her rest up and feel better. She didn't have a long term plan, but knew she couldn't face the director again.

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><p>Tuesday was business as usual. Rachel went back to school, gratefully welcoming the distraction, and acted like nothing happened. Finn was his usual charming self and greeted her by her locker.<p>

"Missed you yesterday," he said with a warm smile. "History class was extra boring without you."

Rachel laughed softly, but quickly sobered. She shouldn't be laughing, she didn't deserve to. "Sorry, I was ill," she told the boy.

"Feeling better?" Finn asked. He sounded genuinely concerned and his sincerity made it hard for Rachel to look him in the eyes. She had previously imagined she'd be reunited with Finn soon, their agreement to slowly work their way back to each other had been progressing nicely, but now she was sure he wouldn't want her if he knew the truth.

Rachel nodded and swallowed thickly. "Yes."

"Cool," he replied with a smile. "Come on, I'll walk you to first period." He offered her his arm and she timidly linked hers through it after a moment, reminding herself that it was just Finn and she would be safe with him.

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><p>Rachel had been focusing so intently on not thinking about Mr. Ellis or the play that when Jesse showed up after school on Wednesday she was ill-prepared for the conversation she needed to have with him.<p>

Slipping into the passenger seat, Rachel reached out to stop Jesse from turning the key in the ignition. "Hold on," she began hesitantly, wringing her hands in her lap nervously.

"We're gonna be late, Rach," Jesse told her.

"Just give me a second, ok?" she said, trying to work up the nerve to say what she needed to.

Jesse let his hands fall into his lap and stared back at her expectantly.

"I'm quitting the play," Rachel stated in one quick breath.

"What? Why?" Jesse demanded, the surprise evident on his face.

"It's not working out, I just have a lot on my plate right now with finals coming up and Nationals," Rachel lied. "I shouldn't have tried to take on another activity at this time."

Jesse did little to conceal his shock and displeasure. "This isn't just some after school activity, Rachel! This is a real musical, with an acclaimed director and a shot at working in New York City! You won't get too many opportunities like this in Ohio," he stressed. "And you're just going to walk away? After I stuck my neck out there to get you an audition?"

He looked so angry and hurt that Rachel felt herself shrink away from him. It wasn't her intention to compromise Jesse's future, but she just couldn't see Mr. Ellis again.

"No, Jesse, you don't understand," she said, her voice cracking slightly.

"This is your first real role and you're going to throw it away over some tests and a show choir competition? This is unbelievable!" He shook his head from side to side and turned to glare out the window in disbelief.

"Jesse, please...you don't understand," Rachel pleaded again, her eyes starting to water. She needed him to understand, to not be so angry and just understand why she needed to quit, but she couldn't tell him the truth.

Turning back to her, Jesse spoke with disdain in his voice, "I understand perfectly. I put myself on the line for you here and after I convinced Mr. Ellis that you'd be perfect for the part, despite your age and lack of experience, you're going to bail and make me look like an idiot!"

"Jesse, I'm really sorry. I'm not trying to make you look bad. I just can't do the play."

Jesse continued to unload his anger, clearly blindsided by Rachel's announcement. "He'll never want to work with me again! He certainly won't keep me on when he moves the production to New York. I'll never make it to Broadway! I'll be lucky if I get a part in the Lima community production of Grease after this!"

Rachel tried to blink away the tears that were threatening to fall. She didn't mean to disappoint Jesse, she'd never wish to keep someone from realizing their Broadway dream, but she couldn't stomach the idea of facing Mr. Ellis again. But Jesse was so upset and she hated being the reason for it.

"Jesse," she said, attempting to cut off his rant.

"My career is over! And I didn't even get to have thrones of screaming fans hound me at the stage door," Jesse cried dramatically, tossing his head back against the headrest.

Rachel sniffled and discretely swiped at the tears she couldn't contain. "Just forget I said anything, ok? I'll do it. I'll do the play. I just need to re-arrange my schedule."

Jesse looked hopeful, the sudden change in his demeanor jarring. "Are you sure?

Rachel forced a smile. "Yeah, I'll figure out a way to make it work. You're right, you did put your reputation on the line for me, I can't just walk away. I'll just rework some things."

"Great!" Jesse exclaimed with a clap of his hands. "Don't stress about school or Nationals, if anyone can do it all it's you."

"Yeah," she agreed quietly, marveling at how easily Jesse could slip from outraged anger to charming flattery.

Rachel fidgeted nervously in her seat the entire car ride to Columbus. She was so jittery that Jesse remarked twice about her needing to decrease her caffeine intake. But it wasn't caffeine coursing through her veins, she hadn't had a single cup of coffee that day, it was trepidation. She wasn't sure what the atmosphere would be like at rehearsal, or how things would progress from where she left off with her director. Would Mr. Ellis pretend like nothing happened? Would he want to do it again? She knew once she showed up, there was no going back. She'd be giving Mr. Ellis the okay to do it again. He'd probably think she enjoyed it since she came back for more. Maybe if she stayed with Jesse and the others the entire time, Mr. Ellis wouldn't have the chance to get her alone. All she had to do was avoid being alone with him and it would be okay, he couldn't do _that_ in front of everyone. She just had to stay out of his way and everything would be fine, Jesse would get to go to New York after the show's Columbus run and she'd stay in Lima till graduation, far away from Mr. Ellis.

But of course, Rachel's plans always had a way of exploding spectacularly.

* * *

><p>"Where is everyone?" Rachel asked Jesse as she glanced around the empty theater.<p>

"Since we couldn't rehearse any of Jake and Emily's scenes Monday without you, Mr. Ellis thought it would be beneficial to focus on us today. The rest of the cast has the day off," Jesse answered, completely unaware of the panic gripping his ex-girlfriend.

That definitely put a kink in Rachel's plan. Without the majority of the cast present, she'd have less people to attach herself to in hopes of avoiding unnecessary contact with Mr. Ellis. He could easily send Jesse off on some ridiculous errand again. Rachel's heart pounded heavily in her chest, her head felt hot, and her feet were rooted firmly to the carpet, unable to move towards the stage. With only Jesse as a buffer, there was a greater chance of Mr. Ellis being able to single her out.

"Ah, she's back!" Mr. Ellis called out from the side of the stage. He had presumably just walked out of his office and was holding a binder full of notes in his arms. "Thought you might have run off on us, Miss Berry. This world is not for everyone," he said pointedly.

Realizing Rachel had stopped moving, Jesse placed his hand at the small of her back and guided her towards their director. "Rachel can handle anything you throw at her," he told the man confidently.

"Oh, I'm sure she can," Mr. Ellis agreed with a dark smirk.

Rehearsal began, and although Rachel physically recoiled every time Mr. Ellis approached them to offer a new direction or flinched whenever he placed a hand on her shoulder to change her stage position, she was sure Jesse wasn't aware of the battle raging inside her head or the sickness creeping up on her. She knew her performance was seriously lacking and her focus obviously misplaced, and while she caught Mr. Ellis giving her a few looks, he never mentioned anything out loud.

Her attempt to stay in Jesse's presence at all times was proving more difficult than she imagined. The boy was constantly moving, randomly jumping off stage to check his text messages, or rushing backstage during breaks to fix his hair. Not to mention his frequent bathroom breaks, thanks to the copious amounts of black coffee he drank. After following him to the restroom for the second time in two hours, Jesse fixed Rachel with a curious look.

"What's up?" Jesse asked. "You've been acting funny all day."

Rachel shook her head, afraid that Jesse might have caught on. "Nothing."

Jesse grinned. "Alright, guess I can understand a girl's desire to stay close to Jesse St. James."

Thankfully, he dropped the subject quickly and rehearsal continued. They worked on one of their duets and a couple of scenes inside Jake and Emily's apartment. Rachel made the effort not to freak out and run after Jesse every time he walked away from her, telling herself that Mr. Ellis wouldn't do anything with Jesse 20 feet away. But that didn't stop her from following him outside or backstage during breaks.

Around 7:30pm they decided to take a short dinner break at Mr. Ellis's suggestion. Rachel was slipping her coat on to accompany Jesse to the Japanese restaurant around the corner when Mr. Ellis stopped her.

"Rachel, wait," the director called out. "I need to fill you in on what you missed Monday. We made some significant changes to the second act. Let Jesse pick up the food, we'll go over my notes."

Rachel froze. "Jesse can explain it all to me," she insisted.

"Yeah, I don't mind," Jesse interjected. "We didn't change too much anyway. I'm sure Rachel will catch on quickly."

"I think I can do my job, Mr. St. James," Mr. Ellis said glaring at Jesse. "Now, let's go Rachel, I don't have all night and I want you ready to go over this with Jesse when he returns. I'm sure you two will survive the brief separation," he finished drily.

Jesse backed down easily, unwilling to push his director's buttons. "I guess I'll go pick up the food," he said excusing himself.

Rachel wanted to call out to stop Jesse from leaving, but she couldn't force her mouth to form the words. Despite all her efforts, she was exactly where she didn't want to be, alone with Mr. Ellis. He had managed to dismiss her defenses so easily.

Mr. Ellis dropped his binder of notes on the stage floor, the sudden noise causing Rachel to jump.

"Well," the older man began as he stepped closer to Rachel, "now that I got you away from your bodyguard for a minute, maybe we can address some unfinished business."

Rachel looked around anxiously, futilely searching for refuge in the empty theater. "Unfinished business?"

"Yes. You see, Rachel, when someone does something nice for you, it's only right for you to reciprocate," Mr. Ellis told her, his tone condescendingly stern.

"Reciprocate?" Rachel questioned. "But you-"

"Yes," he interrupted, "a good girl returns the favor. Are you a good girl, Rachel?"

"I..I really should go," she said, retreating from the man.

With a couple more long strides Mr. Ellis reached the trembling girl. "No one's going anywhere. There's still the matter of payment for our little tutoring session the other day."

"But I didn't want to do that! You forced me!" Rachel shrieked.

"Forced? Forced!" Mr. Ellis repeated angrily. "Is that what you've been telling people? You ungrateful little slut!"

"No I haven't told anyone!" she cried out.

Mr. Ellis sneered in satisfaction at the confession. "Good, because if you did you would have to tell them how much you enjoyed it, how much you wanted it."

Rachel shook her head frantically. "I didn't want it!"

Chuckling darkly, Mr. Ellis wrapped a hand around Rachel's wrist. "Is that why you came around my fingers? Because you didn't want it?" he growled.

"You were..that's because you...I..I didn't want to," Rachel stammered. "I tried to stop you!"

"Please, do you really think anyone will believe that? You were practically begging me to touch you. Thought you'd screw your way to the top," he said with a roll of his eyes.

"No! That's not true!" She didn't want it, wasn't that obvious?

The grip on Rachel's wrist tightened and Mr. Ellis drew the girl closer to his body, lowering his voice when he spoke.

"Well, that's what people will think when they find out," he told her. "No one will believe a little nobody like you got this part without some help. Is that what you want people talking about?" he asked suggestively. "You want people to be gossiping about how Rachel Berry had to seduce the director just to get a part in a Columbus theatre production? Imagine what they'll think of you when you get to New York and your lousy reputation follows you," he paused to let the threat sink in before continuing on, "Imagine what will happen to Jesse when casting directors find out he's responsible for a whore like you."

Rachel's eyes widen, her outrage providing her the strength to tug her wrist free so that she could point an accusing finger at the older man. "Those are all lies! You can't do that!"

"Oh, but I can, and I will," Mr. Ellis said, a sly smirk slipping onto his face. "And lets not forget your poor sweet parents. What do you think they'll have to say when they find out their precious little daughter has been whoring herself out for a chance at stardom?"

"I wouldn't do that! I didn't even want to do it! You made me!" Rachel cried.

The slap was so abrupt it didn't register with Rachel until Mr. Ellis's hand was back balled at his side and her face was stinging with redness.

"Enough with the lies! The world is full of talentless sluts who try to earn their way by fucking anyone with a modicum of power. What makes you think people will think you're any different?" he asked hotly.

Rachel pressed a hand lightly to her bruised cheek as she started to cry plainly. "Because I am," she answered quietly.

"Come here," Mr. Ellis cooed, frowning at the angry mark on Rachel's cheek as if he wasn't responsible for it. He pulled the petite girl into an one-sided hug and attempted to quiet her cries by rubbing soothing circles on her back. "Shh, it'll be ok. Don't cry. I don't want any of that to happen to you, do you?" he asked softly.

Rachel shook her head no, struggling to control the sobs wracking her tiny body.

"Then just do what I say and I'll make sure everything is taken care of. Ok?" Mr. Ellis implored gently.

Rachel nodded dully. She just wanted this to be over with.

"Good, now it's time for you to take care of me," Mr. Ellis said.

Stepping back from the distraught girl, Mr. Ellis started to unbutton his slacks and lower his pants. "Go on."

Rachel starred back at him blankly. She shook her head no, unable to verbalize her protests. Mr. Ellis placed both hands on her shoulders and started to push her down on the stage. "Go on," he urged once more, this time more firmly.

She didn't know how or why, but Rachel felt herself yield to the pressure of Mr. Ellis's hands and lower her body to kneel on the stage in front of him. She just couldn't ruin Jesse's career or break her fathers' hearts with her careless behavior. If Mr. Ellis told everyone what she had done, she'd never be able to live with the humiliation. So something took over her body and instructed it to do what her mind couldn't.

Mr. Ellis threaded his hands through her hair so that he could tug and guide her head to his liking. Rachel cried the whole time, and when Mr. Ellis finished and released himself at the back of her throat, she found herself choking and gagging on the foul tasting white fluid.

"Swallow it," he instructed.

And she did, because she had turned off her brain and couldn't possibly feel any worse than she did at that moment.

After zipping his pants back up, Mr. Ellis pulled Rachel up by the elbow and thrusted a copy of the play into her hands. "Good girl. Now, take it from the top of Act 2," he said calmly.

* * *

><p>Staring at the ceiling in her bedroom later that night, Rachel realized Mr. Ellis had been testing her and now he knew she'd do anything with the right type of prodding. Showing up after that first incident on Sunday must have cemented his belief that she was nothing but slut who would get on her knees for anyone who had something to offer. She had put herself in a terrible position and had no idea how to get herself out of it.<p>

* * *

><p>It happened 7 more times before she stopped counting. Sometimes he'd touch her like he did the first time, and other times he'd make her take him in her mouth. At first she'd protest, beg like the pathetic girl she had become and try to persuade him not to, but a few forceful smacks and a handful of well thought out threats eventually shut her up for good. She doesn't stop crying, but that doesn't prevent Mr. Ellis from coming up with excuses to be alone with her during rehearsal.<p>

She knew she was sick for going back time after time, but she doesn't know what else to do. It was too late now anyway, she didn't do anything about it after the first incident and now everyone will think she wanted it because she let it go on. But she won't be responsible for Jesse's failure and she can't risk her fathers and the rest of the world knowing what she's become. So Rachel continued to show up at rehearsals and obediently followed Mr. Ellis whenever he called her into his backstage office for his special brand of instruction.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading, reviewing, or putting this story on alert. The feedback has really helped me stay focused. **

* * *

><p>Rehearsals grew to be nightmare for Rachel. What she was once so excited about had become a constant source of fear and dread. She never knew when Mr. Ellis would dismiss everyone but her, or call her into his office for a private meeting. And no matter how many times it happened, she still hated herself allowing it every time. Most of the time Jesse and the rest of the cast were around to offer some protection, but Mr. Ellis had a way of getting what he wanted. So she'd find herself backed against the wall of her director's office with his hand down her pants, or on her knees in front of him, wondering if anyone knew how truly disgusting she was.<p>

It was the middle of April when Jesse started to question Rachel's frequent one-on-one sessions with Mr. Ellis.

"So what did Mr. Ellis want to talk to you about?" Jesse asked as they drove back to Lima together one night.

"Oh, he just wanted to give me some notes about my performance," she answered after a pause.

"He must have a lot of notes. You're in there all the time," Jesse said.

Nothing in Jesse's voice or demeanor indicated suspicion, but Rachel still felt uneasy about his inquiry. She shifted nervously in her seat, her cheeks flushing as if she'd been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Did Jesse know what she was doing with Mr. Ellis in that office? Maybe he wouldn't so surprised if she confessed. She saw her chance, the opportunity to come clean, to tell someone she got herself into a terrible mess and didn't know how to get out. Jesse would probably be disgusted with her for letting it get to this point, but he might be able to help her get out.

"Yeah, well I guess I'm not as good an actor as you," she said sadly. No, she definitely could not tell him.

"That's crazy, Rach," Jesse said glancing at her quickly. "You're the best one on that stage. Mr. Ellis probably just knows talent when he sees it and wants to help nurture your gift."

Rachel mumbled something inaudible and Jesse just shrugged before turning his attention back to the road completely.

* * *

><p>The days started to bleed together for Rachel and she sleepwalked through them expertly. With the play, glee club, school, homework, her fathers, and life in general she was pretty busy. Fortunately, her hectic schedule and heavy workload provided the perfect cover for the times someone caught onto her unusual behavior.<p>

Kurt had invited her to a late movie one Saturday night, preempting the invitation with the very valid arguments that he hardly saw her outside of Glee anymore and that he knew she was free Saturday nights after rehearsal, but she politely declined. She needed to rinse Mr. Ellis out of her mouth out that night, thoroughly.

She and Noah had planned to meet a couple times a week during lunch to work on their duet audition, but she was feeling particularly down one day so she locked herself in a bathroom stall and cried for 40 minutes instead. When he found her later and accused her of ditching him, Rachel offered some lame excuse about needing to catch up on homework she had fallen behind on. Puck just rolled his eyes and suggested some of the excuses he used to get away with not handing in assignments.

When Finn caught her staring off into space for the entire duration of their History class she alleviated his concern by claiming she was just a little tired from rehearsing for the play and practicing with Noah. Finn told her to take it easy on herself and get some rest because he had no idea she couldn't do either.

Her fathers questioned why she always came home from weekend rehearsals and went straight to her room, without so much as saying hello to them. Rachel couldn't explain that she needed to shower away the filth from her body before she faced them, so instead she said she was just eager to get her homework done since she didn't have much time during the week to do it.

She hated lying to the people she loved, but it was all she could do to keep her world from completely unraveling. If anyone knew the truth about the kind of person she had become, they wouldn't want anything to do with her.

She and Finn were still taking things slow. They really only saw each other in school, but he sat next to her in Glee and during History. At lunch he bought her a fruit salad whenever he noticed that she had no food in front of her and tried to engage her in conversation. Rachel was no longer the easily excitable chatterbox she was last year, or even just a couple of months ago, but she knew she couldn't withdraw too much or it'd be suspicious. So she returned Finn's smiles, although dimly, laughed at his jokes, although weakly, and bantered back and forth with him, albeit half-heartily.

When Finn asked her to junior prom one morning, saying that he knew they still had to figure some things out but he really wanted to share the evening with her, Rachel easily agreed. Really she hadn't even thought about junior prom because it was over a month away and she didn't really think about anything other than what a disgusting disappointment she was, but Finn was so sweet and adorably nervous about the whole thing that she forgot for moment. She forgot that prom meant slow dancing to cheesy romantic music, dressing up in tacky dresses and suits, and being close to someone special. She forgot that she wasn't a girl who deserved any of that.

Once she agreed to go to prom with him, Finn assumed that they were officially back together. He held her hand between classes and gave her quick kisses she never returned when they parted in the halls. Rachel never objected because she honestly loved Finn and he was comfortable and familiar and she just wanted to feel like herself again. So they got back together without talking about getting back together, something Rachel would have never gone for a few months ago.

* * *

><p>Not much changed at first because Rachel didn't really have the time to hang out with Finn outside of school, but Finn was eager to spend more time with her. He never bugged her about how busy she was, or made her feel guilty for not seeing him, but he knew her schedule. So he planned their first official date night on a Tuesday after Glee.<p>

They picked up where they left off all those months ago, sprawled out on Finn's bed making out after dinner at Breadstix. At first Rachel was a little hesitant about kissing Finn so intensely, but she told herself she was being silly because it was just Finn and once upon a time she actually really enjoyed kissing Finn. Besides, she didn't know for sure that she didn't want to kiss Finn, she had gotten so used to doing things she didn't want to do that she sort of forgot how to tell the difference.

Not that Finn's kisses were anything like Mr. Ellis's. Finn was soft and sweet and he told her she was beautiful as he gently laid her down on the bed. He wasn't forceful or rough and he didn't call her names or threaten her. But despite all their differences, she still had a hard time separating the two when Finn's tongue dipped into her mouth like Mr. Ellis's had so many times. So she checked out, she removed herself from the moment and went to the place in her head that was distant and safe, the place she went to whenever Mr. Ellis started to touch her.

Rachel's mind was on autopilot when Finn's large hand slid down her ribcage, past her hip bone and to her thigh before finding refuge under the fabric of her blue and yellow checked skirt. His hand rubbing her thigh caused something inside her to stir, the contact too familiar.

Since Rachel didn't appear to be objecting to his exploration, Finn trailed his hand up her thigh towards her center and let his fingers graze her skin through her panties. He wasn't pushing for more, he just wanted to touch her and she was allowing him to. He wondered if maybe their time apart had loosened Rachel up because he never got this far in the past.

But something inside Rachel's head seemed to snap and she tensed visibly, her breathing suddenly growing erratic. She snatched his wrist with one hand and pushed at his chest with the other, forcing him to sit up and toss his legs over the side of the small bed.

Finn looked surprised and ashamed. "Oh damn, I'm sorry Rach," he apologized. "I thought it was ok. You weren't saying anything. I'm really sorry, I didn't mean...I don't expect anything," he trailed off.

Rachel climbed off the bed silently, her eyes glassy and distant.

"Don't go, Rachel. I didn't mean to," Finn pleaded in panic. He had just gotten her back and had already managed to screw it up. "I just got carried away because it's been so long since I've touched you," he continued. "We can just hang out and watch that documentary you brought over, I don't even mind that it's not in English."

Rachel positioned herself to stand between his legs, briefly looking past her once again boyfriend before ducking her eyes and sinking to her knees. She reached for his fly and started undoing his belt without a word.

"Woah, Rach! What are you doing?" Finn cried out with a squeak of disbelief. He reached out a hand to stop her, but as soon as her soft delicate fingers dipped inside his boxers and brushed his dick his movements stilled. He sucked in a shaky breath and tried not to embarrass himself right then.

It only took Rachel a few seconds to free Finn's penis from his jeans and boxers completely. He unconsciously assisted in the process, lifting his butt off the mattress so that she could slide the material down just enough to get a hold of him. Finn was pretty excited about the new direction their relationship was about to take, but he was also really confused because Rachel wasn't saying anything.

"Are you going to..." He didn't get a chance to finish his question because without the epically long discussion he expected before she'd even consider moving past second base, Rachel's lips were wrapped around him. "Oh my God, you are," he said, his eyes wide.

Finn sensed something was different with his girlfriend, but the way she was moving her tongue around as she bobbed her head back and forth was making it hard for him to think clearly. "Rachel," he breathed out heavily. "Are you ssh-ooh-god-s-sure about this?"

He wasn't sure why he was asking, she seemed pretty determined at the moment, but it didn't _feel_ right. Sure, it felt amazing, but this wasn't like Rachel. He didn't really have time to analyze the situation though, because Rachel was _really_ good at this and he had never had much endurance in this department to begin with.

When he felt his body start to shudder he somehow managed to form a coherent warning, because although this particular act was new to him, Puck had once told him that girls didn't like to be surprised. "Oooh my God...Rach...I'm gonna come."

Rachel halted her task abruptly, pulling her head back to look up at him through thick damp eyelashes. Finn was doing his best not to whine at the interruption when he noticed the sad blank look in her eyes.

"It's ok," she said meekly. "It's ok. This is what you want, right?"

Her voice sounded so sad and small, and Finn was pretty sure those were tears on her face. But he didn't have the chance to process her words or the broken way she said them because almost immediately her mouth was back on him, sucking and swallowing, pulling him over the edge. He screwed his eyes shut tight and let out a string of throaty groans as he climaxed. When he finally opened his eyes again Rachel was sitting back on her heels, wiping at her mouth sheepishly and refusing to look at him.

"Fuck, Rachel. What the hell was that about?" He jumped from the bed, yanking his boxers and jeans up in the process. "Why did you...when did you learn to do that?" he sputtered out.

Finn started to pace the small room franticly, running a sweaty hand through his hair. He wasn't sure what he was more upset about: the fact that she didn't seem into it but he let her do it anyway, or the suspicion that it wasn't her first time. Was she dating someone while he was with Quinn? Was it that asshole Jesse? Was he responsible for Rachel's surprising new skill? The thought made Finn sick.

Rachel remained on the floor of Finn's bedroom, her hands folded neatly in her lap and her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. She shrunk back slightly whenever Finn's frenzied pacing brought him near her.

"You're not supposed to be angry," she mumbled, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Mr. Ellis was never angry _afterwards_, he always had sweet and encouraging words for her when she finished.

"I'm not angry. I'm just surprised," Finn told her. He pulled her up gently and guided her to sit beside him on the bed. "Listen, are you ok? You seem kind of not yourself." He had so many questions, but he wasn't sure how to actually ask any of them. She just looked so small, smaller than he had ever seen her look before, and she still wouldn't look at him.

Rachel looked up at him eagerly. "You didn't like it? I'm sorry. If you tell me how you like it, I'll be better. Just show me what you want and I'll do it," she promised.

"What? No! God, Rachel, that's not what I meant," Finn cried, horrified by his girlfriend's words. "I'm just worried about you. Is everything ok?"

"I'm fine, Finn. Can you take me home now? It's getting late." She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and looked away from him.

Finn didn't bother pointing out that she had over an hour till her curfew, or that they still had a lot to discuss, he just gathered her into a hug and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She didn't respond, her attention seemingly elsewhere.

"Alright," he sighed at her unresponsiveness. "Let's go."

They walked past Kurt, who was watching TV in the living room, on their way out of the house. When Kurt called out to Rachel to say good night, she didn't even raise her head to acknowledge him. Finn offered his step-brother a sympathetic shrug before following his girlfriend out to his truck.

The car ride was silent and uncomfortable. Finn stole concerned glances at his girlfriend while Rachel absently traced shapes on the passenger side window with her index finger. She didn't turn to look at him once.

"Rachel," Finn said hoping to start a conversation.

"Don't, Finn," she interrupted in a small voice.

"We should talk about what went on back there," he told her. All the time he spent around Rachel in the past must have rubbed off on him, because pushing for uncomfortable talks about sex and feelings or whatever, well that was supposed to be her thing, not his.

"There's nothing to talk about. It was justa blow job." She still won't look at him.

Finn wasn't sure he heard her right. _Just a blow job?_ It took a promise of raising their future unborn children in her faith just to get her to allow him to touch the sides of her breasts, and now she was casually giving blow jobs? Something wasn't right. Up until tonight he couldn't even imagine Rachel saying the words, forget about performing the act. Well, of course he imagined it, but that was just for his own pleasure. He never actually expected her to do to it, at least not so soon, and not without some sort of lecture on physical intimacy.

"What's gotten into you?" he asked as they pull up to her house. Finn had no idea what had happened in the time they were apart to change her so drastically, but he just wanted the old Rachel back. The Rachel who begged him to teach her how to play the drums and loved to wear his jacket when it got cold. The Rachel who giggled whenever their noses bumped while making out and talked endlessly about anything and everything. He wanted the Rachel who didn't want to have sex till she was 25 years old.

Rachel quietly said good night and slipped out of his truck.

* * *

><p>Finn couldn't shake the feeling that he made Rachel do something she didn't want to. So he took his frustrations out on his bedroom door when he returned home from dropping her off.<p>

The repeated loud slamming brought Kurt to his abused doorframe.

"What'd the door ever to do you?" Kurt asked his step-brother with a small smirk.

"Not now, Kurt!" Finn shouted, abandoning his door slamming for that Kurt could enter the room. He wasn't in the mood for Kurt's snarky comments.

Kurt took it upon himself to sit atop of Finn's desk, picking up a pencil and carelessly twirling it between his fingers. "Gees, calm down. What's going on?"

Finn shook his head regretfully, he couldn't exactly explain the night's events to his step-brother, could he?

"It's Rachel, isn't it? She looked pretty upset when she left. Did you guys break up yet again?" Kurt ventured, somewhat bored by the idea of more relationship drama between the two. He had seen Rachel earlier in the evening, when she and Finn first returned from Breadstix, and although she wasn't exactly her lively loquacious self, she did at least stop to say hello to him before Finn whisked her away into his bedroom. So something must have happened in Finn's room to cause Rachel to leave so surlily.

Finn's head snapped in Kurt's directions. "You thought she looked upset?"

"She didn't even notice the Patti Lupone exclusive biography I was watching when she passed by," Kurt answered.

"Damn it! I knew something was wrong. I should have stopped her." Finn's wasn't too sure who or what that was, but judging by the way Kurt said it, it was apparently cause for concern.

"Stopped her from doing what?" Kurt asked.

Finn debated whether or not he should be talking to Kurt about this. Sure he was his step-brother, but he was also Rachel's friend and a notorious gossip. But he needed to tell someone.

"Look Kurt, if I tell you something, can you be cool about it?" Finn questioned.

Kurt let the pencil he'd been twirling fall to the desk so that he could focus more intently, he wasn't used to Finn sounding so serious. "What are you talking about, Finn?"

"You're not going to run and tell Mercedes or Tina everything I tell you right now, are you? Because that'd be really messed up of you and Rachel will probably never talk to me again if you do," Finn explained in a rush.

"Relax, Finn. I won't tell them anything. Now spill. What's got you so riled up?" Kurt had seen Finn mad a couple of times, but he had never seen him so upset and confused.

"Ok," Finn began, taking a seat on the bed opposite Kurt. "Tonight me and Rachel...took things to the next step."

"You had sex?" Kurt shrieked. It seemed a little soon, they had_ just _gotten back together.

"No! And shut up before mom and Burt hear you!" Finn shot back with a panicked expression.

"Well then what's the next step if it's not sex?" Kurt asked in genuine confusion.

"Oral," Finn mumbled, rubbing the palm of his hand into his neck awkwardly. "Well she did...on me."

"Oh...ew!" Kurt exclaimed. "Why are you telling me this? Go to Puck if you want to brag about Rachel going down on you."

"I'm not bragging! Just listen, will you?" Finn said, exasperated by Kurt's reaction. He raised his hands in plea to shut Kurt up and continued on, "Before she did that, we were just making out and stuff, and I kind of accidentally touched her, you know? Down there. I didn't mean to, I just got caught up in the moment. And it wasn't even anything serious, just a feel over her underwear."

Kurt scrunched his face in disgust. "I don't need details, Finn. Is this going somewhere?"

"She freaked out, Kurt. Like really bad. Usually she just rolls her eyes and slaps my hand away with a laugh, but she like totally freaked out. She completely froze and started hypertensing."

"Hyperventilating," Kurt corrected absently.

"Right. At first she pushed me away and I tried to apologize because I was sure I had blown it, but then all of sudden she's," Finn trailed off.

"Blowing you?" Kurt offered, smirking slightly at the word play.

Finn didn't notice. "It was _so_ weird. One second she's pushing me away and breathing all crazy and then she's kneeling in front of me and su-"

"Oooh-kay! I get it! No need to paint me a picture," Kurt interrupted. He fixed his step-brother with a curious look. "Finn, I hate to point out the obvious here, but shouldn't you be happy about this?"

"Happy that my girlfriend looked like she was going to cry while she was," Finn paused and glanced around worriedly before lowering his voice, "while she was, you know, going down on me?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I'm sure she wasn't as upset as you think. She was probably just worried she was doing it wrong or something."

"Oh no, she _knew_ what she was doing," Finn countered confidently. Rachel had definitely done it right.

"Gross," Kurt said. He still wasn't getting the dilemma here. Rachel had not only performed oral sex on Finn, but apparently performed it exceedingly well. So why did his step-brother look so pitiful?

"No, Kurt, you don't get it. It was like something took over Rachel's body and made her do it. She looked like a sad robot or something. I'm pretty sure she was like actually crying during it. And then when it was over she acted like it was nothing. You know how big a deal these things are with Rachel, but now she's saying _'it's just a blow job'_ and we don't need to talk about it? Rachel needs to talk about _everything_!" Finn cried in frustration.

"She said that?" Kurt couldn't imagine Rachel being so nonchalant about the whole thing. Rachel wasn't really nonchalant about anything, she was assiduous and high strung, and she had a plan for everything.

Finn nodded.

"Did she say anything else?" Kurt pressed.

"When I asked her if she was sure she said that it was what I wanted, but that's all," Finn answered.

Kurt shrugged. The whole thing did sound very un-Rachel-like, but if he had learned one thing from spending time with her the past couple of months, it was that Rachel wasn't always what she seemed.

"Maybe she's still a little insecure about the Quinn thing and thinks she has to step it up in the bedroom if she wants to keep you around," Kurt suggested after some consideration.

"Why would she think that?" Finn wondered out loud. "She didn't need to do that. I want to be with her because I love her, not because she gives good head."

Kurt frowned. "Once again, _gross_."

"I don't know, Kurt. She doesn't seem like herself lately. She's like empty, you know? It's like she's here but she's not," Finn explained. "I should have stopped her."

Kurt sensed the very real guilt in his step-brother's voice and just wanted to help assuage some of the worry. But no matter how vivid a picture Finn painted, Kurt still had no way of judging Rachel's behavior for himself, so he couldn't exactly dismiss Finn's concerns or say for certain that Rachel wasn't upset. He did know that Finn wasn't really the type to overreact or exaggerate, and he very rarely picked up on subtle clues, so Rachel's distress must have been pretty palpable if it managed to stop Finn from enjoying her alleged oral talents.

"Finn, you didn't do anything wrong. Rachel's a big girl and even if she did it for the wrong reasons, she still made the decision to do it. It's not like you forced her into it. But before it happens again, maybe you should try to get her to open up about whatever it is that's bothering her. It could be nothing."

"Yeah, alright. Thanks, man," Finn said, clearly unmoved by the conversation. It didn't matter to him that he didn't force Rachel to do it, because she clearly didn't want to it and he just let her anyway because it felt good for him. He felt like the worst boyfriend ever.

Kurt hopped off Finn's desk. "No problem. Now if you excuse me, I have to go bash my head against a wall to rid myself of the mental images you've just supplied."

Although Kurt's speech hadn't really helped to alleviate any of his guilt, Finn was grateful he got it all off his chest. Kurt may not have been appalled by his behavior, but he was. He knew Rachel well, and the girl who robotically got on her knees for him was not his Rachel. And no matter what Kurt said, he should have stopped her. Now he needed to figure out what was wrong and fix it, so he could get his Rachel back.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Hope this next chapter is to your liking. I sincerely appreciate all those who have been following this story. Please leave me a review to let me know what you think.**

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><p>Kurt made a bee line for Rachel's locker the next morning. Sure, he promised Finn he wouldn't gossip about the situation, but he never agreed not to go directly to the source. Besides, Rachel was his friend now and he thought she could use a friendly ear.<p>

"Busy night?" Kurt asked as he pulled up beside Rachel.

Rachel didn't bother to tear her eyes away from her locker, which she was frantically rummaging through. "What are you talking about, Kurt?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing," he replied in a sing-song voice before leaning back against the locker next to hers with a far-away smirk.

Locating her chemistry textbook and binder, Rachel slammed the locker door shut and noticed Kurt's expression. "Seriously, why are you looking at me like that?" she questioned, a quizzical look on her face.

Kurt smiled impishly and gestured to the books in her arms. "You have a test in Keller's class today?" he asked, remember she had mentioned needing to study over the weekend when she turned down his invitation to hang out.

"Yes," Rachel answered flatly.

"That wouldn't happen to be an_ oral_ exam, would it? Because I hear you excel at those," he said pointedly. Kurt couldn't help but chuckle a little. His intention for their early morning chat was of course to determine Rachel's mental and emotional state for himself, but he couldn't pass on teasing his new friend first.

"What? No, it's Chemistry, why would I..." Rachel trailed off, her eyes widening when Kurt's implication hit her. Her first thought was that Kurt knew about her dirty little secret, but after convincing herself that it wasn't possible because Kurt didn't even know Mr. Ellis, she realized what the boy was actually getting at. "Finn told you!" she snapped hotly, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

Kurt laughed at Rachel's panic. "Yeah, but cut him some slack. He was worried and feeling guilty," he explained. Sure he enjoyed ruffling Rachel's feathers a bit, but he also really cared about her.

"Why would he feel guilty?" Rachel asked, bewildered. Did Finn feel guilty about letting someone as gross as her do that?

Kurt shrugged and pushed himself off the row of lockers to walk with her. "He thinks he made you do something you didn't want to. Said you freaked out on him for touching you, but had no problem going down on him."

"I-I didn't freak out," she said softly.

Rachel didn't think Finn noticed, it was just a little hiccup. She _hated_ when Mr. Ellis touched her like that, her body's reaction always made the guilt and humiliation much worse than when she performed oral sex on him. Sometimes when Mr. Ellis's fingers would start playing at her panties, she would hastily grab for his belt and start fumbling with his fly. If she was lucky he would simply let her suck him off and not push his fingers into her. It was degrading and disgusting to get on her knees for him, but it didn't physically _hurt_ like the alternative, and she never felt like her body betrayer her afterwards. It hurtso much when Mr. Ellis thrusted his hand between her legs and slammed into her because she was always dry and not at all ready for that sort of invasion, but worse than the physical pain was the fact that he didn't stop till she came. And eventually she always did. Not being able to control herself was much more humiliating than giving him a blow job. So if she had to choose between the two acts, and she had learned that being alone with Mr. Ellis meant either one or the other, or sometimes both, but if she had the choice, she would rather be degraded than humiliated.

She was just trying to avoid humiliating herself like that in front of Finn, and she thought that it was what Finn really wanted. It was what Mr. Ellis expected after he caused her to make a mess of her panties, either immediately or later on, surely Finn was looking for the same thing. So she figured if she gave Finn what he wanted first, then she wouldn't have to humiliate herself at his hands.

"According to Finn you were practically in tears," Kurt disclosed, his voice breaking into Rachel's thoughts. "I believe he referred to you as a sad robot."

Rachel wanted to argue with Kurt and tell him that it wasn't true, but she didn't really remember. The task had become mechanic for her. If she remained too lucid during the act she'd have a harder time blocking it out later.

"Kurt, you can't tell anyone about this!" she cried out. Her eyes pleaded with him.

"Relax, Rach. I'm not looking to broadcast your new found oral fixation, but tears and blow jobs don't mix," Kurt said.

Rachel whipped her head from side to side to scan the hallway for eavesdroppers. "Will you lower your voice!"

Kurt rolled his eyes but allowed her to pull him close so that she could keep her voice at a whisper.

"And I wasn't crying," she added. She probably was, but Kurt couldn't possibly know the truth so she decided a little lie wouldn't hurt. She had been lying to so many people now. "I was just nervous. I'm not exactly experienced in that department and Finn has been with Santana and has dated Quinn twice. I just don't want him running off with some pretty little cheerleader again." It was a pathetic lie, but Rachel knew Kurt would buy it because she was kind of pathetic too.

"That's what I told him," Kurt declared triumphantly. He halted their movement and came around to face his friend. "Look Rach," he began, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I understand you being a little insecure with Finn's past flip-flopping and what not, but pushing yourself to do something you're not a hundred precent comfortable with is not the solution. It's not healthy, ok?"

Rachel blinked a few times in surprise. Kurt not only believed her, but was offering her well-meaning advice.

"You're right," she offered in the most sincere voice she could muster. "Thank you, Kurt. I'll be sure to talk to Finn about my concerns." She forced a small smile to her lips and walked away.

Although Kurt found her sudden understanding a bit suspicious, he didn't press the issue. He was happy he'd at least be able to tell Finn that Rachel confirmed his original suspicion and it wasn't something more sinister like Finn had thought. He would also be happy if Finn never shared those types of details about his and Rachel's relationship again.

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><p>Rachel walked into the History class she shared with Finn ten minutes late that day. Her intention was to avoid having to talk to Finn before class started. She was never tardy so Mrs. Handley dismissed her carefully crafted apology before she even got it out. She stole a glance at Finn, who looked ready to jump out of his chair at her arrival, and sat down.<p>

When the bell rang to signal the end of the period, Rachel gathered her belongings hurriedly and sprang from her desk. She knew she couldn't avoid Finn forever, but she had no idea what to say to him right now.

But Finn's long legs and athleticism made it difficult for her to out maneuver him. He caught up to her in the hallway easily.

"Rachel, wait. We need to talk," he said, stepping in front of her.

He looked exhausted and wary, like he was up all night, and Rachel felt terrible for causing him to worry like Kurt had said he was. She followed him into an empty classroom so they could talk. They seemed to be playing this cat and mouse game a lot lately when it came to addressing their issues.

"I'm sorry," Rachel blurted out once they were out of earshot of the student body. "I shouldn't have done that."

Finn rubbed at his eyes tiredly. "Look, don't take this the wrong way, but what the hell was that last night? I don't even know what happened. One second we were just making out and the next you're..."

"I know. I'm sorry," she cut him off. She didn't need to hear a recap of last night's events. "I thought you wanted me to... but I obviously made you feel uncomfortable, so I apologize."

"No, you made me feel good...I mean, it felt great," Finn admitted guiltily. "But you didn't seem like yourself. I thought we'd at least discuss it before we did something like _that _because we always discuss things.I wasn't expecting you to do that... I hope you know that. That's not what I was trying to get you to do when I...that's not why I touched you... I just want to be near you and I like touching you, but only if you want me to... I didn't want you to do that... I mean, I _do _want you to if _you_ want to, but you didn't seem like you really wanted to and I just let you, because... well, it felt good, really good. But you didn't have to and you never have to again if you don't want to."

Rachel swallowed the lump in her throat. She didn't deserve a guy like Finn. "I'm sorry," she said again. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Don't apologize. Just tell me what's wrong," Finn pleaded. "Because I know there has to be something wrong."

"There's nothing wrong," Rachel said.

Finn threw his head back in frustration. "That's garbage, Rachel! I know something is wrong. Last night...that wasn't you. You haven't been you for a while. Just tell me what's wrong! Is it something I did? Please, just tell me and I'll fix it," he demanded. He needed to know what had caused this change so he could correct it and get his girl back.

Rachel shook her head. She could never tell him. "Finn, you didn't do anything wrong," she repeated. "I'm just tired, ok? I've just been really tired and worried about losing you again." The lie burned in her throat, but the truth would shatter them. Finn would never look at her the same again if he knew.

Finn stepped closer to her, cupping her head in his hands and peering down into her eyes. "I'm not going anywhere. You won't ever lose me."

She squeezed her eyes shut tight willing herself not to cry and nodded.

"I love you," Finn told her.

Rachel nodded again. "I...I love you too," she squeaked out.

With his hands still on either side of Rachel's face, Finn leaned forward and kissed her. And for the first time since they got back together, Rachel returned his kiss. She didn't feel any doubt or confusion, she just felt Finn.

They parted and went to their separate classes, but Finn wasn't entirely convinced that there wasn't something more to Rachel's behavior. Sure, she had every reason to be tired with her crazy schedule, and he understood her being insecure about their relationship considering their complicated past, but he had seen Rachel tired and insecure before and it was nothing like last night. That was something entirely different from anything he had ever seen. He knew there was something she wasn't telling him. Rachel had always been so open, but lately she was quiet and evasive. She used to tell him _everything,_ even things he had no interest in, so withholding information was really unlike Rachel and it definitely made him worry.

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><p>Jesse picked Rachel up for rehearsal that afternoon and carried on a heavily one-sided conversation with her during the drive to Columbus. Occasionally Rachel nodded or offered a soft laugh whenever appropriate.<p>

Mandy greeted them inside the theater when they arrived. "Hey, so did you guys hear we're getting a new musical director today?" she asked.

"But we're halfway into rehearsals. What happened to Felicia?" Jesse returned, inquiring about the woman who had served as their musical director since the start of rehearsal.

Mandy shrugged and popped a piece of gum she pulled from her pocket into her mouth. "She got a job offer in L.A as the music supervisor on some stupid teen movie. Guess she thought it would be a better opportunity than taking a gamble on a musical based in Ohio."

Jesse nodded. He was mildly annoyed at the idea of having to acclimate to a new musical director's instruction, but he understood Felicia's decision to take the better job. "So did you meet her replacement yet?"

"Yeah, just for a minute. She's kind of a bitch but she seems to know what she's doing," Mandy told them. "She's backstage with Mr. Ellis. I think you two are going to be working with her today, so good luck."

Luke shouted to Mandy from the other end of the theater and she excused herself with a cheery smile and wave. Rachel smiled back and took a seat in the house of the theater. She had liked working with Felicia because running through musical numbers with her offered a reprieve from Mr. Ellis, but she was sure she'd like Felicia's replacement just as much for the same reason.

"Alright, everyone! Can I have your attention?" Mr. Ellis called out as he strolled onto the stage. "We have a new member joining our team today. As some of you know, Felicia took a job out in California, but don't fear, she left us in very capable hands."

Had Rachel not been avoiding eye contact with Mr. Ellis, she would have recognized the woman trailing behind him.

"Everyone," Mr. Ellis continued, "this is Miss Shelby Corcoran. She'll be working with us from here on."

Rachel's head shot up and she instantly met Shelby's eyes. Her mother and Mr. Ellis were standing side-by-side on the stage she had lost her dignity on weeks ago.

"Well... small world, isn't it?" Jesse asked with a mirthless laugh.

Shelby's eyes narrowed in on Rachel and Jesse and from her steely expression it was obvious she had no idea her daughter and former student were a part of the cast. She addressed the group briefly, thanking Mr. Ellis for the opportunity and assuring the group that she'd work hard to make sure they'd be prepared for opening night.

And then Mr. Ellis laid out the day's schedule. Rachel learned she'd be working with Shelby on one of her solos while Jesse, Luke and Mandy rehearsed a scene from the first act on stage. Because they only had the theater to practice in and no studio, all musical instruction took place backstage in the greenroom, which held a simple upright piano. Mr. Ellis often grumbled about the accommodations not being what he was used to in New York, but they had managed to make do so far.

Rachel led Shelby silently to the greenroom, refusing to meet her eyes. Shelby tried to put her hand on Rachel's shoulder to get her attention, but Rachel shrugged it off and quickened her pace. Rachel felt like she was going to be sick. Shelby was way too close for comfort. Now there was one more person she'd have to worry about keeping the truth from. The weight of her secret was becoming too much to bear and she was terrified she'd crumbled underneath it.

"Rachel," Shelby started when they stepped into the greenroom. "I didn't know you were working with Richard. He told me he discovered someone very special for the lead, but I had no idea he meant you. He's a very accomplished director, you should be proud of yourself. I'm proud of you.

Rachel crossed her arms across her chest protectively and glared back at her mother. Proud of herself? How could she be proud of what she's done?

"It's good to see you again," Shelby said after an awkward stretch of silence.

"Let's not," Rachel bit off, suddenly finding her voice. "You were very clear about not wanting me in your life last year, so don't pretend this is some happy mother-daughter reunion. I doubt you would have taken the job if you knew it entailed seeing me every day."

Shelby inched closer to her daughter. "Honey, that's not true."

"Don't call me that!" Rachel snapped. "You don't get to call me that! You don't get to walk away and come back like nothing happened!" Of course Rachel's biggest concern now was making sure her mother never found out what she was doing with Mr. Ellis because Shelby would undoubtedly tell her fathers and ruin her life, but she also had some residual bitterness from Shelby's last foray into her life.

Shelby was clearly taken aback by Rachel's anger, but before she got a chance to explain herself they were interrupted by Mr. Ellis.

"How's it going back here?" he asked, cheerily gliding into the room with his hands clasped behind his back.

"Great," Shelby answered, glancing at Rachel out of the corner of her eye as she spoke to the director.

Mr. Ellis ambled over to Rachel and swung an arm around her shoulders. Rachel tensed at the contact. "So Shelby, what do you think of our bright young star here? Promising, isn't she?"

"Very," Shelby agreed.

"She was a little stiff when I first got a hold of her, but I think I've broken her in pretty well," Mr. Ellis said with a dark laugh, his arm still gripping Rachel's shoulder tightly.

Rachel met Shelby's eyes and part of her wanted to cry out, to beg her mother to get this man away from her. But instead she settled for taking a few shaky breaths in an attempt to calm herself.

"Well, I'll let you two get to it. Rachel, when you finish up here we can go over that thing we discussed," Mr. Ellis continued with a wink, his smirk revealing his true intentions only to Rachel.

Rachel's chest started to heave with the breaths she couldn't quite force out. She was going to have to be alone with Mr. Ellis while her mother was in the same building. Shelby would be mere feet away while Mr. Ellis touched and humiliated her. What if Shelby overheard the filthy things Mr. Ellis liked to grunt out when he came in her mouth? It was awful enough to have to do what she did with him while her friends and cast mates were in the front of the theater, but her mother's presence was much more stiffing. Would Shelby be able to tell afterwards? Didn't mothers always know when their children did something wrong? Granted Shelby wasn't much of a mother to her, but they still had a biological connection. Maybe that sort of knowledge was inherent. Rachel couldn't breathe. The room seemed so small, too small for the both of them, and Shelby was standing way too close. Rachel staggered backwards till her back slammed into the piano.

"Rachel," Shelby said, a look of concern on her face. "Are you ok?"

Rachel squeezed her eyes shut and tried desperately to force air into her lungs. "I can't," she said sinking to her knees and shaking her head violently. "I can't." There was a tightness in her chest she couldn't expel and a heat flushing over her body. She couldn't do this. She couldn't be here with Mr. Ellis and Shelby. She couldn't walk into Mr. Ellis's office later and do what he wanted her to do while Shelby stood near by.

Shelby walked over and kneeled down next to Rachel. "Honey, what's wrong?" Shelby felt utterly helpless. Her daughter appeared to be in the midst of a severe panic attack and she had no idea what had brought it on or how to stop it. "Rachel, look at me," she demanded. "Look at me."

Rachel continued to tremble and gasp for air. "Why..why did you c-come here? Leave me alone," she cried. "P-please just leave me alone!" She placed her hands over her ears and shook her head again. "I-I can't," she sobbed. "I can't! Not with you here."

"Can't what?" Shelby asked, clearly anguished by Rachel's pain. "Can't what? Rachel, what's wrong? Tell me what's wrong."

"No! No! No!" Rachel shrieked, her eyes growing wider. "You...He'll...I-I have to...he...I can't!"

Unsure of what else to do Shelby wrapped her arms securely around Rachel. "Shh, calm down," she murmured into Rachel's hair. "It'll be ok. Please, calm down."

Rachel leaned into Shelby's embrace and allowed herself to be held. She was too tired to fight her and it felt oddly comforting to be in her mother's arms. Eventually her breathing started to even out and the sobs wracking her body lessened.

The pair were quiet for a while, their silence only disturbed by Rachel's choked breaths and pained whimpers. But Rachel seemed to gain her bearings after a few minutes and pulled back from Shelby suddenly. "Oh God. I'm so sorry, Shelby," she said scrambling to her feet. "I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Rachel was horrified by what she had just done. She could have ruined everything. "Oh God, oh God," she continued to mutter to herself, backing as far away from Shelby as she could get.

Shelby quickly got to her feet, too. "Rachel, what's wrong? How long have you been having panic attacks?"

"I'm not. I don't. I mean, I'm fine. I'm sorry. That was a mistake," Rachel stammered out. She looked around the room, searching for anything to focus on other than Shelby, and wiped angrily at the tears on her face.

Shelby studied at her daughter guiltily. Was her presence really that traumatic for Rachel? Shelby knew Rachel had been hurt when she turned down the girl's request to come on as co-director of McKinley High's Glee club a year ago, but she had no idea Rachel was _still_ upset about it. And she'd never fathomed Rachel could be _this_ upset. Shelby really thought leaving was the best for both of them. Rachel didn't need her.

"Rachel, do you not want me here? Is that what this was about? Because I can quit. Mr. Ellis will find someone else," Shelby said. She had been excited to get the job offer from Richard Ellis, a man she had briefly worked with in New York many years ago and who had gone on to build an impressive career for himself, but Rachel's well-being was more important, and right now Rachel did not seem well.

"No. Stay," Rachel whispered. The idea of Shelby and Mr. Ellis occupying the same space made Rachel's head spin and her stomach churn, but part of her just couldn't watch Shelby leave again. She wanted her mother right now, she needed her mother right now, even if she could never actually let Shelby know why.

Shelby nodded, she wasn't quite sure what was going on with Rachel, but the sight of her daughter sobbing and gasping for air on the floor had frightened her. "I'm going to tell Mr. Ellis you're not feeling well and then I'll take you home."

Rachel straightened out her hair and clothing, she must have looked like a blubbering mess. "No, it's ok. I'm fine. Let's just work on the song."


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: So one reviewer asked if Rachel had gone through enough and could be happy now... uh, not quite. Sorry. But things are definitely starting to unravel and I promise we'll get there soon. Thanks for reading and reviewing. **

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><p>Due to her unexpected break down in front of Shelby, Rachel felt anxious and edgy throughout the entire duration of their instruction. Shelby appeared to be doing her best not to comment on the episode and maintained mostly professional, but Rachel caught several concerned stares being thrown her way when Shelby thought she wasn't paying attention. It was incredibly uncomfortable and if she didn't know Mr. Ellis was waiting for her, Rachel would have bolted from the room an hour ago.<p>

Shelby desperately wanted to question Rachel about what had happened earlier, but it was clear to her that Rachel was pretending it never happened and Shelby didn't want to shatter the girl's delusion. As silly as it seemed to Shelby to ignore the fact that a short while ago Rachel had been a sobbing hysterical mess on the floor, it also seemed cruel to push Rachel into opening up to her after Rachel had expressed such fiery resentment towards her. Rachel wouldn't even look at her for more than a couple seconds at a time and she refused to engage in any small talk Shelby attempted. It was pretty clear to Shelby that Rachel didn't want to talk about it and maybe allowing Rachel to pretend was all she could do for now. Although if it happened again Shelby was definitely not above locking the girl in one of the dressing rooms and refusing to let her out till she revealed what was causing her so much distress.

Despite the tension, Shelby and Rachel continued running through Rachel's solo for over an hour and a half. As time wore on Shelby ran out of notes to offer Rachel but she was reluctant to end the vocal session. She knew she couldn't push Rachel into talking, but Shelby hoped their time together would soften Rachel towards her a bit so that eventually Rachel would feel comfortable around her. Just as Shelby was trying to figure out a seamless way to transition her daughter into a friendly conversation, Mr. Ellis peeked his head into the room and rapped quickly on the door.

"Making progress?" he asked Shelby as he stepped into the room.

Shelby nodded and explained some of what they had gone over while Rachel listened quietly. Rachel noted that Shelby spoke so definitively, so confidently. It was as if Shelby spoke and lived entirely without doubt. Jesse had told her horror stories about Shelby's strict rule and non-nonsense demeanor. Maybe if she possessed a little more of her mother's strength she wouldn't be in the situation she was with Mr. Ellis. No one would ever dare mess with a woman as strong as Shelby.

"Sounds like you've done enough with our young star for today, Miss Corcoran. I'd like you to see Jesse, Scott and Luke next. Luke has been struggling a bit with their number from first act and I want it addressed tonight," Mr. Ellis stated. He lingered for a moment, shifting his gaze between Shelby and Rachel.

"Rachel, can I see you for a minute?" he then asked with a careful non-expression.

Rachel looked to Shelby as if the woman would telepathically hear her cry for help. "Actually, I'm not really confident in my ability to perform this song. I'd like to keep working on it with Shelby," she said desperately.

"You nailed it, Rachel. You don't need me to work on it with you," Shelby interjected, not seeing the way her daughter's eyes pleaded with her. Rachel was being too hard on herself, Shelby thought, she had barely needed any instruction to begin with. Shelby figured a confidence boost might go a long way with the fragile girl.

Rachel tried to open her mouth to refute Shelby's claim, but she couldn't find the words. All she could do was shake her head slightly. Her mother had sold her out. She was grasping for a lifeline and Shelby was tossing her back into the choppy waters. Part of her knew it was irrational to be mad at Shelby for not being able to read her mind, but Rachel was too terrified to think rationally. Shelby had let her down again.

Mr. Ellis raised his eyes as if he was aware that Rachel was trying to delay their meeting. "Well, I guess that's settled. I'll send the guys back. Rachel, my office please."

Rachel followed behind Mr. Ellis in a daze. His office wasn't too far from the greenroom, which meant Shelby, Jesse, and the others would only be a about 30 feet away. Mr. Ellis led her into the tiny room and told her to wait while he went to speak to the actors on stage. She considered taking off right then, just fleeing from the office and the theater and never turning back, but then Shelby would be suspicious and Jesse would be out of work. Despite the obvious drawbacks, Rachel was still eyeing the door when Mr. Ellis returned.

Rachel swallowed hard as Mr. Ellis closed the door behind him with a slimy smile. She hadn't had a private meeting with him since Finn asked her to junior prom last week. Apparently he wasn't able to find the time or opportunity to get her alone.

He was on her instantly, kissing her with fervor. "God, I've missed those full lips of yours," he breathed into her mouth. Mr. Ellis guided her back against the wall and started to grind his pelvis into her.

Rachel shuttered a bit each time the director's growing bulge rubbed against her stomach. She pushed at his shoulder to try to get some space. If Mr. Ellis was going to do what he was going to do, she'd rather he just get it over with. She succeeded in getting him to take a step back, but only so that he could fumble with the buttons on her jeans.

"What happened to your slutty little skirts?" Mr. Ellis asked with his mouth hot against Rachel's neck. "They were much more accessible," he finished with a nip of her skin. She had stopped wearing them to the theater for that precise reason.

Rachel tried to go away, to leave her body behind like she usually did during these encounters, but something was keeping her from retreating to that safe place in the back of her mind. _Finn_. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was betraying him. She never wanted this in the first place, but it happened and if it happened again she'd be cheating, at least in her mind. She couldn't do that to Finn again. The guilt gnawed at her, preventing her body from mechanically taking over.

"Wait! Stop," she cried out as Mr. Ellis started rubbing her through her panties.

"We don't have time for this," Mr. Ellis barked at her as he pressed his forearm against her chest to keep her in place. He slipped the flimsy material between her legs to the side and pressed his fingers into her.

Rachel gasped and squirmed against the wall, desperate to get away. "No, I can't do this. I have a boyfriend. You have to stop. Please."

Mr. Ellis's hand stilled suddenly and for a second Rachel thought she might have finally found an out. "You have a boyfriend?" he said, echoing her. "How nice." His lips curled into a sickening smile. "Are you fucking him?"

"What?" Rachel asked, startled by the gruffness of his voice. "No!"

"It's that little prick Jesse, isn't it? I knew you two were screwing around!"

He still had her against the wall and Rachel was frightened by his anger. "It's not Jesse. Please, just let me leave. I won't tell anyone."

"Who is it?" Mr. Ellis demanded, grabbing her arm roughly.

"A boy from school," Rachel squeaked out. She tried to wrestle her arm free but Mr. Ellis's grip tightened.

"You fucking whore!" His voice rang out seconds before his fist landed across her cheek, just under her eye. The force of the punch caused her head to slam hard into the wall. Mr. Ellis caught her by the arm again before her body could go limp and slide to the floor. He pulled her against him and shook her tiny body. The violent movement and the hit her head took made Rachel nauseous. "You ungrateful little slut! You think some school boy can offer you what I can? You think he can replace me? Does he make you come like I do?" Mr. Ellis sneered, his face only inches away from hers.

Rachel kept her hand pressed against her bruised cheek, too shocked to lower it. He had slapped and shaken her a few times when she wouldn't readily comply, but he had never hit her with such unadulterated force before. "No, no that's not what I meant. He doesn't. We don't...we haven't done anything like that. I just," she stammered.

"Good." Mr. Ellis turned them both so that Rachel's back was to his desk and walked her into it, bending her body back over the wooden surface. Once Rachel was mostly lying back on the desk, he pulled her hand from her face and brushed his thumb across the freshly forming bruise. "Why did you make me hurt you?" he asked almost apologetically. "Why did you have to go and be such a goddamn slut?"

Mr. Ellis leaned down over her and replaced his thumb with his lips and began to trail kisses down her jawline and to her neck.

When he started to tug down her jeans Rachel wondered why she ever thought her having a boyfriend would make him stop. If her cries and pleas weren't enough, her relationship status surely wasn't going be.

She was thinking about how she'd have to break up with Finn now, how she'd have to give up another part of herself, when she realized he wasn't stopping with her jeans. He was pulling her panties down with the denim. "What are you doing?" she asked in a shaky voice. He never completely stripped her before, usually he just slipped his hand inside her underwear or pushed them to the side.

"I want your first time to be special, Rachel. Boys your age don't know how to treat a girl," Mr. Ellis told her as he drew back slightly to work his own pants open.

_First time_. "No! Stop!" Rachel hurled herself forward and tried to slip out from under his arm, but he grabbed her around the waist and threw her back onto the desk so hard it knocked the wind out of her. "Wait! Please, don't do this. Please! Stop! Stop it!" She hadn't begged this much since the first time he touched her.

"Shh, it'll be ok," Mr. Ellis said softly. "I'm not going to hurt you."

She heard his belt buckle clank as it opened and then the sound of his zipper lowering.

"Please don't do this this. Please," Rachel muttered hopelessly. She shut her eyes tight as she trembled beneath him in anticipation.

Mr. Ellis's mouth over Rachel's muffled the scream that ripped from her throat when he penetrated her for the first time.

"Shh, baby, relax," he whispered into her ear. He had her hands crossed at the wrists and pinned securely to the desk above her head with his left hand and his right hand was pressed firmly into her stomach, keeping her in place.

Rachel whimpered and cried out in pain when Mr. Ellis started thrusting in and out of her. She felt like her insides were being torn apart.

"There you go. You're doing great, sweetie," Mr. Ellis cooed gently against her hair.

Her cries were so loud that Mr. Ellis had to bring his right hand up to clamp over her mouth so that no one would hear. He could hear the piano in the background and knew Shelby's lesson with Jesse, Luke and Scott was probably drowning out Rachel's cries, but he didn't want to take any risks.

He finished inside of her and Rachel never felt dirtier than she did with his semen running down her thigh.

"That's my girl." He placed a delicate kiss against her lips and pulled his pants up. "I'll see you out there," he said before disappearing.

Rachel's body screamed in protest when she attempted to sit up and she had to roll over onto her side to stop the urge to vomit. Taking a deep breath she gingerly lowered her feet to the floor and pushed herself off the wooden desk. She was keenly aware of the sticky substance between her legs, a mixture of Mr. Ellis's semen and her blood, but she made no attempt to clean herself off. She needed to get out of there immediately. Pulling her panties and jeans up in one swift tug she hissed at the pain emanating from below.

Rachel rushed out the office and through the backstage corridors to the stage door. She got about ten feet from the building when she lurched forward and started to retch and vomit onto the pavement.

A hand on her back startled Rachel into spinning around to see Shelby with her cellphone pressed to her ear. She dropped her head and shook her hair in front of her face so Shelby wouldn't notice the bruise forming on her face.

Shelby thanked the babysitter and ended the call in a rush. "Sweetie, what's wrong? Are you sick?"

Rachel shrugged Shelby's hand from her back and wiped a hand across her mouth. She glared at the woman with a look of contempt and betrayal as she started to retreat. Abruptly, she turned and broke into a run towards the Columbus bus depot.

Shelby called after her to no avail. Concerned and confused, she went back inside to seek some answers. She found Mr. Ellis in the front of the theater and asked about Rachel's condition.

"I was trying to talk to her about her schooling schedule so I could figure out when would be a good time to add a couple of extra rehearsals to our calender, but she seemed distracted and upset," Mr. Ellis told Shelby evenly. "I think she mentioned something about a boy breaking up with her," he added for good measure. "You know how those things can seem like the end of the world to a teenage girl. Normally I wouldn't stand for that sort of unprofessionalism from one of my actors, but I guess that's what I get for going with someone so young." He shrugged and excused himself.

Shelby's mouth hardened into a thin line. Rachel was anything but unprofessional. And no matter how dramatic the girl could sometimes be, crying and vomiting seemed a little over the top for a high school break up. Shelby suspected something else was bothering Rachel, but she feared that something else might be her and she was hesitant to uncover _that_ specific truth. She returned to the greenroom to continue her instruction with the guys but Rachel lingered on her mind.

* * *

><p>"Rachel, sweetie? Is that you?" her father called out eagerly when he heard the front door slam closed. Rachel wasn't due home for another hour or so and he rarely got to see her during the week anymore.<p>

Rachel knew she looked a mess. She hadn't stopped crying since she realized what Mr. Ellis was planning on doing and she couldn't let her father see her like that. "Just a minute, Daddy," she called back, already halfway up the stairs. It would be longer than a minute but she needed to make it to the shower.

When her father came up to check on her 45 minutes later Rachel pretended to be asleep so she wouldn't have to talk to him.

* * *

><p>Rachel skipped her first couple of classes to go to the pharmacy a town over the next morning. The pharmacist maintained poised when she nervously asked for the morning after pill.<p>

"Just need to see some ID," the man replied.

Her brows furrowed. "I.D.?"

"Yep. Law says you have to be 17 to get the pill without a prescription," he explained.

Rachel blinked away the tears that suddenly sprang into her eyes. She had no idea what to do now.

"How old is your boyfriend?" the pharmacist asked.

She was certain the man thought she was insane when she bursted into tears at his question.

"I was just asking because if he's 17 or older he can come in here and get the pill for you. Or you can go to the planned parenthood and get a prescription yourself. Ok? Don't cry, you still have time," he told her quickly.

Rachel ended up waiting four hours to be seen at the clinic and had to scrap her plans to go into school late. It was almost three o'clock when she was finally headed back into the pharmacy with a prescription for emergency contraception. The same pharmacist from earlier offered her a warm smile when he spotted her on the other end of the counter.

"Got everything all sorted out?" he asked.

She pushed the small white slip of paper across the counter with a shy nod. Twenty minutes later she was boarding a bus back to Lima with a white paper bag tucked neatly under her arm. She swore the elderly couple sitting across from her knew what was in the bag and were scowling at her.

"Didn't take you for much of a bus rider, Rachel."

Rachel snapped her head up to take notice of the duo standing in front of her.

"Mercedes, Kurt," she uttered, nervously adjusting the large dark sunglasses on her face. "What are you guys doing here?"

Mercedes helped herself to the seat besides Rachel while Kurt hung onto the metal rod running across the top of the bus for support.

"My dad took away my car after I fell asleep at Blaine's and didn't call," Kurt explained with an eye roll. "So decided to skip school today, did we?"

"I, uh, wasn't feeling well," Rachel answered.

"Well enough to go out shopping though?" Mercedes asked skeptically gesturing to the paper bag in Rachel's hands. "So what was so important you had to skip school to get it?" She grabbed at the bag, but Rachel quickly snatched it back, tearing the flimsy paper in the process. The small cardboard box fell into Mercedes' lap and before Rachel could react the other girl caught sight of the label. "Plan B One Step?" Mercedes read aloud. "Rachel, what are you doing with the morning after pill?"

"I..I..you shouldn't have done that!" Rachel shrieked, grabbing for the box and shoving it into her purse. "You had no right to invade my privacy like that!"

Mercedes regarded the girl curiously. Rachel was bordering on hysterical. Her hands were practically shaking and her voice was high and shrill. "I'm sorry, Rachel. I thought it was a CD or something."

"Morning after pill? But Finn said you two weren't having sex," Kurt added.

"Well, he lied," Rachel returned quickly. She couldn't think of any other explanation that would work. "We had intercourse yesterday and he didn't have a condom, thus the reason why I wasn't at school today and why I have this pill. I think one teen pregnancy is enough for the glee club. I was just trying to be responsible."

Kurt frowned down at her. "Finn didn't say anything about it." Actually, Kurt didn't remember Finn even mentioning seeing Rachel yesterday and he was sure Rachel had rehearsal on Wednesdays anyway. He supposed they could have done it during or immediately following school, although the thought made Kurt cringe a little. Or maybe Rachel got out of rehearsal early and Finn snuck off to see her. He had fallen asleep pretty early so it was possible he just didn't notice his step-brother's absence. But no matter when it happened, Finn had definitely not shared it with him. Despite his earlier reluctance, Kurt actually liked being Finn's confidant. It was the most brotherly they had acted since their parents married.

"That's because we agreed not to tell anyone," Rachel said primly. "So if you two will please respect that decision, I'd appreciate it."

"Sure, Rachel. But is everything ok? You're acting kind of funny," Mercedes pried carefully.

Rachel made it a point to smile at her friends and appear composed. "Absolutely. Just being cautious," she answered. Her stop arrived soon and she bid farewell to her fellow glee club members with all the normalcy she could manage.

"Well that was weird," Mercedes noted as Rachel exited the bus. "Even for her."

* * *

><p>Kurt wasted no time in approaching Finn when he got home. If Finn was so torn up over the incident a couple nights ago, why would he have sex with Rachel when she was clearly no more ready than she was during the blow job debacle? It had only been <em>two<em> days.

"You had sex with Rachel even though you knew she wasn't ready?" Kurt accused harshly as he bursted into his brother's bedroom.

Maybe if he had taken a second to knock or look around he would have noticed Puck sitting on the carpet in front of Finn's bed playing X-box.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: Thank you to all who have read, reviewed, or put this story on alert. I've been so amazed by your response and hope to hear more from you.**

**Oh yeah, so we saw in episode 3x01 (The Purple Piano Project) that Rachel drives a Chevy, but I don't remember seeing her drive before then so in this story, which takes place last season, she does not have a car. **

* * *

><p><em>"You had sex with Rachel even though you knew she wasn't ready?" Kurt accused harshly as he bursted into his brother's bedroom. <em>

_Maybe if he had taken a second to knock or look around he would have noticed Puck sitting on the carpet in front of Finn's bed playing X-box. _

Finn dropped his controller and scrambled to his feet. "What? No! Who told you that?" he demanded from Kurt.

"Whoa! You banged Berry?" Puck asked having instantly lost interest in the game at the mention of Rachel and sex.

"I said I didn't! What the hell, Kurt? You want to tell me what's going on here?" Finn shouted.

Deciding there was no way to rewind time and make Puck un-hear what he said, Kurt continued on with the lecture he had planned. "I thought you said Rachel was upset about last time and obviously not into it, I thought you were _so_ broken up over not stopping her, so tell me why you thought it'd be a good idea to have _sex_ with the girl who cried the last time you touched her? And without a condom, no less! Come on, now that's just stupid!" Kurt scolded. "No offense, Puck."

"Wait, what?" Puck asked getting up from the carpet now, too, and glaring at Finn. "What the hell did you do to her, man?"

"No, it's not like that," Finn explained. "We didn't have sex. She's barely talked to me since everything that happened the other night."

Puck moved his eyes from one boy to the other. "What happened the other night and what'd you do to make her cry?"

"Nothing!" Finn insisted, although he wasn't entirely convinced of it himself. "And this is really none of your business, Puck."

"Well, I'm making it my business," Puck challenged, stepping into Finn's personal space. He recalled his conversation with Rachel on the bleachers a few weeks ago, and how she thought having sex with Finn would have kept him interested. He swore he'd punch Finn in the face if he found out Finn was the one who put those thoughts into her head, or played on her doubts for his own benefit. Rachel might have been kind of a prude, but it was her decision to be a prude, and Finn shouldn't be telling her otherwise.

Finn threw an annoyed look at his step-brother before addressing the angry mo-hawked boy staring him down with a sigh. "We fooled around a little the other night and she freaked out on me, that's all. I didn't do anything to her and we didn't have sex." He hated defending himself over the blow-job incident because he still felt guilty about it, but he didn't want Puck knowing that.

"What do you mean freaked out?" Puck asked skeptically. He had been with his share of virgins and while they required a bit more finesse, he had never had a girl freak out on him.

Finn decided to ignore his friend's question. He really didn't want to describe how Rachel had robotically gone down on him to a guy she had hooked up with in the past, so instead he turned back to Kurt. "What's going on, Kurt? Who told you we had sex?"

Kurt crossed his arms over his designer jacket and considered his next move. He didn't want to sell Rachel out, but if she was having sex with someone who was not Finn then his step-brother deserved to know. "Rachel," he admitted.

"But why would she do that?" Finn didn't understand. Why would Rachel want people to think they had sex? She had always been proud and outspoken about her decision to remain abstinent, too outspoken, in fact. Just about every guy at school knew Finn wasn't getting any and they gave him hell about it, but he didn't care because he loved Rachel and was willing to wait however long she wanted to. Even if the wait was until she was 25, but he sort of hoped that wouldn't be the case because he really wanted to have sex with Rachel. And when they finally do have sex he hoped it wouldn't resemble the incident from the other night, because he never wanted to see Rachel like that again.

"Maybe we should finish this discussion in private," Kurt suggested eyeing Puck. Kurt was seriously starting to regret marching into Finn's room in the first place. Sure, he wasn't happy with the thought of Finn pressuring an obviously distressed Rachel into having sex, and yes, it kind of stung when he thought Finn had shut him out, but the situation was growing increasingly complicated. Apparently he had not only inadvertently exposed Rachel as a cheater, but he did so in front of Puck and probably caused Finn more pain and humiliation than necessary.

"No way, Hummel," Puck interrupted. "If this chump is taking advantage of Rachel I need to know so I can beat his face in. Now spill."

Finn groaned in frustration. "I'm not taking advantage of Rachel. She's my girlfriend!"

"Doesn't mean you get free reign, buddy!" Puck countered hotly.

"I said we didn't have sex!" Finn yelled back. "Kurt, just tell me what the hell is going on here!"

Kurt took a deep breath and launched into the story. "Mercedes and I ran into Rachel this afternoon on the bus."

"Rachel doesn't take buses, she thinks they smell funny," Finn said, a faint smile on his face as he remembered the conversation he had with Rachel that led to that revelation.

"Well, she did today," Kurt replied with a suggestive raise of his eyebrow. "Probably because she didn't want to ask anyone to drive her out of town to get Plan B."

Finn's features contorted into an expression of confusion. "Plan B? Why would she need a plan B? Wait, what was her Plan A?"

"No, you idiot, Plan B is the morning after pill. Girls take it when they've had unprotected sex to keep from getting pregnant," Puck said.

"Why would she need that? You can't get pregnant from oral sex, can you?" Finn asked nervously. "Miss Holiday said..."

"You got a blow job from Rachel?" Puck cut in, incredulous.

"No, Finn, you have to have actual sex to get pregnant," Kurt explained mildly.

Finn nodded. "Right, that's what I thought, so why would Rachel need that back up plan pill or whatever?" he wondered aloud.

"She must be having sex with someone," Puck answered with a shrug. "Hey, don't look at me! I didn't do it," he quickly added, raising his hands in a show of innocence.

Finn's head was spinning. Rachel was cheating on him _again_. He had thought they were in a good place together. He had thought they were over all the bullshit of the past. He had thought they were doing better. But she was having sex with some other guy. He felt like smashing something.

"Jesse! I knew her doing that play with him was a bad idea!" Finn exclaimed as the image of Rachel with Jesse seeped into his mind. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket, found Rachel's name and angrily punched the call button. It rang six times before going to voice mail. He tried four more times before tossing the phone onto his bed. "She's not picking up! Forget this! I'm getting some answers for myself." He started rummaging through the pile of clothes on his bedroom floor.

"Where are you going?" Kurt asked. Finn was acting like a madman, a very disorganized madman, because apparently he couldn't find whatever it was he needed.

Finn stepped into a pair of sneakers and pulled on a hoodie from the pile of dirty clothes. "I'm gonna go pummel Jesse St. Jerk," he seethed. "I bet he's doing this just to mess with what Rachel and I have. He doesn't care about her."

"I'm with you, dude," Puck declared, slapping his friend on the back. "I said I'd have your back from now on and I do." Sure he would have kicked Finn's ass if he still thought the quarterback had mistreated Rachel, but now that he knew that wasn't the case, Puck was back on his side, and it didn't hurt that he sort of always hated Jesse St. James anyway.

Finn nodded and the two left a very confused Kurt behind.

* * *

><p>Rachel snuggled into her bed under four layers of thick blankets after taking a second shower when she got home that afternoon. It wasn't particularly cold in the Berry house, but there seemed to be unyielding chill in her bones, just like there seemed to be an unseen layer of dirt she couldn't wash off her skin no matter how many times she showered. There was a virtual mountain of homework waiting to be done on her desk, but she couldn't find the energy to care. Her whole world was unraveling, the last thing she was worried about was homework. Kurt and Mercedes now knew she had had sex, but fortunately they didn't really know with whom. She had taken the pill as soon as she got home, and now all she wanted to do was sleep and not think about what it would have been like to carry that monster's child.<p>

Her cell phone chirped with the arrival of an incoming text message and Rachel stretched out lazily to grab the device from her nightstand.

"_Rachel, is everything okay? You looked really upset last night. Please call me." _

The number looked vaguely familiar but wasn't attached to a contact in her phone so there was no name.

Rachel texted back. _"Who is this?" _

The response was almost immediate. _"It's Shelby. I'm worried about you."_

With that she threw the phone back onto the nightstand in disgust. Rachel had exchanged numbers with Shelby when they first met over a year ago, but she had deleted the woman's number after Shelby told her she didn't want a relationship. She assumed the dozen incoming calls she received after that were from her mother wanting to express renewed interest in her life, but now it was Rachel who wasn't interested. She didn't need Shelby poking around in her business when she already had a myriad of people she had to keep the truth from.

A round of frantic knocking on her front door disturbed Rachel from her cocoon of blankets. It was relatively early in the evening so neither of her fathers were home from work yet.

"Kurt?" Rachel greeted in surprise when she pulled the front door open to find the boy panting hard on her porch. She combed her fingers through her wet hair and brushed some strands into her face to hide her now obvious black eye. Earlier that morning she had told her fathers she had gotten the injury when a teammate accidentally elbowed her in the face while rehearsing a complicated dance sequence for glee club, and although the men looked displeased, they believed her. She had yet to sell any of her friends such a lie because she hadn't needed to, but she knew she'd have to come up with something else for those friends in Glee.

Kurt raised a hand to let her know he needed a minute before he could talk.

"Did you run here?" she asked, clearly confused by his appearance.

"No car. Needed to talk to you. Finn and Puck know about Jesse. You didn't answer your phone," Kurt panted out breathlessly.

Rachel's eyes raised at the mention of her past and present boyfriends. What could be so important that Kurt ran two miles to her house to tell her? And clearly she had been wrong about all those incoming calls she ignored being Shelby.

"Come in." Rachel led Kurt up to her room, afraid one of her fathers might soon come home and disturb their conversation. "Now would you care to tell me what's so urgent that you ran across town to speak with me?" she asked as she closed the bedroom door behind them.

Kurt took a few deep breaths to slow his still racing heart and helped himself to the gold star plated glass of water on Rachel's nightstand. "I confronted Finn about having sex with you. Considering his description of your demeanor during your last sexual encounter and your general weirdness recently, I thought he might have taken advantage of the situation, of you. Puck happened to be there at the time and overheard the whole thing."

Rachel's eyes widened in panic. "Kurt, you didn't!" she cried. "You promised!"

"I was just trying to look out for you," Kurt told her. "I know you haven't been yourself lately, and I didn't like the idea of Finn using your insecurities about Quinn to get into your pants."

She started pacing the room nervously and muttering to herself. "Oh God. I can't believe this is happening. Everything is ruined. What am I going to do?"

"You can start by coming clean about your relationship with Jesse," Kurt suggested. "You're not ready to have sex with Finn, but you'll do it with Jesse?"

Rachel frowned. "What? I'm not having sex with Jesse! Where'd you get that idea from?"

"Finn and Puck seem pretty convinced of it," Kurt answered. "Who else is there?"

"No one!" Rachel huffed. "And what do you mean they're convinced?"

"They're on their way to find Jesse right now. And there's obviously someone, Rachel, you don't take those pills for any old reason," Kurt reasoned, sounding slightly exasperated. He had no idea why Rachel was being so difficult. She was clearly caught in a lie. He took a seat on her bed and waited for her to come clean.

Rachel ran her hand through her hair absently, pushing the dark wet locks back from her face in the process. "Why did everyone have to get involved in my life? Couldn't you all just go back to not giving a damn about me?" she snarled at Kurt. There had been a time where Rachel would have jumped at the opportunity for attention from her glee club teammates, but this was definitely not that time.

"What happened to your face?" Kurt asked when he spotted the deep purple bruise framing her eye and cheek bone. He stood up and approached Rachel to inspect the mark.

"Dance injury," Rachel supplied a little too quickly, slipping away from her nearing friend.

"I thought you put your dance lessons on hold while you're doing the play," Kurt said.

Rachel didn't balk. "It was from a dance in the musical."

Kurt followed as Rachel escaped to the other side of her bedroom, where she made quick work out of re-folding the clean laundry on her desk. "There are no dance numbers in the show, you made me read it with you six times," he disputed knowingly. "It's straight singing."

"I meant it was from a dance in glee club," Rachel amended. "Sorry, I just get mixed up with everything I've got going on right now," she laughed nervously. Maybe if she hadn't been so nervous she would have realized that excuse wouldn't work because Kurt had been present in all Glee rehearsals since his transfer back to McKinley.

"We haven't been working on any choreography in Glee. Besides, I think I'd remember someone punching you in the face during practice," Kurt said dryly.

Rachel tossed the sweater she had been compulsively folding and unfolding back onto the desk in anger. "Will everyone just leave me the hell alone!" she screamed viciously. She felt like she was losing her hold on the situation, but then again she doubted she had ever really had ahold of it to begin with.

Kurt was taken aback by Rachel's tone. She had always been loud, but she had never lashed out so angrily before. Kurt had never seen her so raw with rage. It took a moment, but the pieces suddenly started to fit together and the completed puzzle horrified Kurt. "Rachel, what's going on?" he asked warily.

"Nothing," Rachel said quickly.

"No. Something is going on...something you're trying to hide," Kurt insisted. He gestured towards the bruise on her face. "How'd you really get that? Did someone... "

"Kurt, don't," she interrupted, the tears burning at her eyes. "Please, leave it alone." She walked around her bed and sat on the edge of it so that she was facing away from Kurt. She couldn't look at him right now.

Kurt tried again. "Rachel, were you…"

"Stop it," she pleaded, cutting him off before he could say the word.

"Rachel, you can tell me. Just tell me what's going on," Kurt pressed.

Rachel shook her head. "No. I can't."

Kurt took a deep breath and came around the bed to sit beside her. "Did someone _hurt_ you?" he finally managed to force out, deciding to forgo his original choice of verb because it was just too awful to connect that word, that _act_, with Rachel.

"No!" Rachel snapped angrily. "Just shut up! Ok? Don't!"

"Rachel, please just tell me it's not what I think it is. Tell me or I have to tell someone," he said, grasping her hand in his.

Rachel pulled her hand from Kurt's hold instantly and shot off the bed. "What? Why? You can't do that! Why are you doing this to me?"

Her anger once again shocked him, but Kurt was undeterred by the outburst. _Someone_ was doing _something_ to Rachel and he needed to find out. "Who is it?"

"I can't," Rachel said solemnly.. "No one can know."

"At least tell me how long it's been going on for," Kurt pleaded. He needed to know something to confirm his suspicion.

"Stop it." Her voice softened as her resolve weakened. Thoughts of what she did with Mr. Ellis, of what he did to her, consumed her every waking moment, even her dreams were occupied by the man, and she desperately wanted to unload some of that burden, but the risk was too great. Not only would her shame become public, but her friends and family would be disgusted by her. Telling Kurt the truth would not alleviate the weight of her guilt, it would only further alienate her from those who loved her when they realized how unworthy she was.

Kurt rose from the bed and stood level with his friend. "Rachel, how long?" he asked calmly.

"Kurt, stop. I can't!" Rachel shut her eyes tight and shook her head from side to side as her tears spilled onto her cheeks.

"How long has it been going on, Rachel?" Kurt repeated, his voice remaining calm and even. If he could get just the tiniest bit of information out of her, she wouldn't be able to deny it any longer, and he might be able to get her to open up about whatever she was going through.

Rachel felt her resolve slipping even more. "Kurt, please."

"How long?" he asked again.

"Kurt," she warned tiredly. It wasn't that she didn't want to tell him, she _couldn't._

"Just tell me how long it's been going on for," Kurt urged.

"I can't."

"How long?"

"A few weeks," Rachel finally admitted, her eyes cast downward as she practically whispered the words. She was somewhat shocked that she had revealed so much, but it felt like the truth was eating away at her from inside and she just had to get it out.

"Damn it, Rachel! Why didn't you say something sooner?" Kurt demanded angrily. He wasn't angry at her, he was angry at the situation, and at himself for not figuring it out sooner. It all made so much sense now. Rachel's sudden attitude change, the evasiveness, the incident Finn described. How had he not known something was off with her.

"I couldn't. You wouldn't have understood. You _don't_ understand," she explained.

Kurt tilted Rachel's chin up so that he could look her in the eye. "Rachel, please, just tell me who it is so he can't hurt you anymore."

Rachel shook her head and ducked her eyes once again. It felt like Kurt was looking right through her, like he could see her in Mr. Ellis's office and it was humiliating.

"Then I have to tell your parents or the cops," Kurt said plainly. "I won't let this go on."

"No! You can't!" Rachel launched herself at him wildly and grabbed his shirt in her fist. "Please, Kurt, please don't do this. Please! It'll ruin everything. Everyone will hate me, they'll all know how disgusting I am...please, I'll do anything you want! Just don't do this! No one has to know. I've been doing good. I've kept it a secret. I-I'm fine. Ok? I'm fine! You don't have to tell. There's nothing to tell. Please, please don't tell anyone! Kurt, you can't do this! Please!"

Rachel's pleas rapidly deteriorated into a frenzied sobbing that caused her to gasp for air as her chest heaved with labored breaths.

Kurt gaped dumbly at his distraught friend. He wasn't prepared to see Rachel break down like this, he wasn't prepared to deal with this at all. "Ok, just calm down, Rachel. You need to breathe, sweetie," he tried to sooth her. "It'll be ok. Just try to breathe." He didn't promise he wouldn't tell, but he decided to stop pushing her at the moment. "Come on, let's lay down."

He maneuvered them both onto the bed, Rachel never releasing her grasp of his shirt in the process. Kurt positioned them so that her head was laying across his chest and her petite body was cradled in the nook of his left arm. He was able to feel her breathing start to even out as she settled down. Eventually, Rachel's body stopped trembling completely and Kurt sighed in relief.

"I'm just going to text my dad and let him know where I am before he adds another month to my car ban," Kurt said after a short stretch of silence. Rachel didn't react so he took her lack of protest as permission and used his free hand to pull his cell phone from his pocket and send out a quick text message. He did text his dad, but not before he sent out a brief message to Finn and Puck calling off their beat down of Jesse. He didn't elaborate, he simply told them to trust him, that Rachel definitely wasn't sleeping with Jesse, and promised to explain later before turning off his phone. He didn't want to be bothered by their questions while he was with Rachel.

They laid together quietly for a few more minutes. Kurt wanted to avoid a repeat of the scene that had just played out between them and was unsure of how to broach the subject again without pushing Rachel to an emotional breaking point. Rachel's cell phone began to ring and beep and Kurt took the incessant noise as a sign that Finn and Puck received his text message and were directing their questions to her now that he was unavailable. When Rachel didn't move to answer the device, Kurt glanced down to see that she had fallen asleep. He reached across her body with his right hand and grabbed the phone from her nightstand, turning it on silent before placing it back. When his arm grazed Rachel's breast in the process she whimpered and stirred against his chest. Soft cries of protest passed through her lips and tore at Kurt's heart.

He shook her awake softly, afraid that she was slipping into a nightmare. "Rachel. Rach, wake up. It's just me. It's Kurt."

Rachel's eyes snapped open suddenly and she frantically pushed herself off Kurt's chest and scrambled away from him. "Kurt," she exhaled when she realized who it is that was on her bed. She studied him for a moment and Kurt knew she was recalling the events leading up to her impromptu nap.

"I was hoping it was just a dream," she said as she stood up from the bed. "I wish it was all just a dream." She crossed the room to fidget with some perfume bottles on her desk. "Kurt, thank you for coming, but you don't have to stay here." She loved Kurt, but she couldn't stand being in the presence of someone who knew the truth, someone who knew what she was.

Kurt crawled forward so that he was sitting at the foot of her bed. "Rachel, I'll stay all night if you want. Hell, I'll move in if you just tell someone what's going on. Someone who could help you."

She slammed the perfume bottle she was previously rolling between her hands onto the desk. "No one can help me, Kurt! So just drop it!"

"What about your fathers, don't you think they'd want to know that someone's been abusing their daughter?" he asked, hoping the mention of her dads would get through to her. "Wait, it's not them, is it?" he asked after considering the possibility.

"No, of course not." Rachel was so calm in her dismissal of her fathers as suspects that Kurt didn't question it. "And I can't tell them, Kurt. It'll break their hearts if they found out what I've been doing. What I am."

"What are you?"

Rachel swallowed hard and dug her foot into the carpet covering her bedroom floor. "Sick. Disgusting. A slut," she mumbled, Mr. Ellis's voice clear in her head.

Kurt grimaced at Rachel's harsh self-image. "You're none of those things, Rachel," he pointed out firmly. "How about Mr. Schue or Miss Pillsbury? You trust them, don't you? We can go to one of them and they'll help you."

"Yes, I trust them, but Kurt," she started hopelessly, "you don't understand." She shook her head. "Can we just drop it? Go back to before? I was doing ok pretending it wasn't happening. Let's just go back."

Kurt stood up and went over to sit on the edge of the desk beside her. "You weren't doing ok, Rachel. You've been quiet and edgy, you pushed yourself to go further with Finn because you didn't know how to respond to his advances, you're lying to your boyfriend and your friends, and sneaking around to get emergency contraception. None of that is ok. None of that is you."

"Please Kurt, don't make me tell," she pleaded desperately.

Her begging broke his heart and Kurt couldn't help picturing Rachel begging some nameless abusive bastard to stop hurting her.

"I won't," he assured her. He wasn't going to make her tell, but that didn't mean he wouldn't. "I should get going soon," he added remembering that there were two very angry and confused teenage boys awaiting his return. "I'm kind of grounded. And you should probably rest some more. You zonked out on me pretty quickly before."

Rachel nodded shyly. "Sorry. I haven't gotten much sleep lately," she admitted.

Kurt gave her a sympathetic smile. "Come on, I'll lay with you till you fall back asleep."

"You don't have to do that."

"Maybe I just like napping with you," he said with a grin before flopping down on top of her comforter. Rachel joined him after a moment of hesitation, but didn't cling to him like she did before. Kurt threaded his fingers through hers and felt her squeeze his hand tightly before turning to face him and shutting her eyes. Fifteen minutes later she was once again asleep besides him. He waited almost half an hour to see if she'd have another nightmare, but once he was certain she was in a peaceful sleep, he gently untangled his hand from hers and quietly retreated out of the room. Knowing her cell phone was still on silent, Kurt sent her a text message telling her to call him when she woke up, no matter what time.

Kurt considered finding one of Rachel's fathers and telling them right then what he had learned, but he couldn't find them when he went downstairs. After peeking into the kitchen and living room and not spotting either of the men, he decided it'd probably be best to get some more information before he brought it to her dads' attention anyway. Rachel had denied her fathers involvement and Kurt believed her, so if she remained sleeping through the night, she'd be safe till at least tomorrow. That gave him a little time, but not enough.

As he walked out of Rachel's house, Kurt texted Mercedes and asked her to pick him up at a diner nearby. He had started to formulate a plan and decided to enlist Mercedes as an ally. While he waited in the parking lot for Mercedes to show up, he used his cell phone's internet service to do some research about Rachel's situation. He had never dealt with something like this and wasn't quite sure what to do. But he knew whatever he did end up doing would upset Rachel, at least initially, because he certainly wasn't going to keep her secret. As much as he valued Rachel's friendship, he valued her well-being more and was willing to incur her wrath if it kept her safe.

Mercedes arrived after about fifteen minutes, her cheerful smile a stark contrast to Kurt's somber mood. He absently discussed Beyonce's newest single with her during the drive, unwilling to reveal the real reason why he called her just yet. When they arrived back at his house Finn and Puck were waiting for him in the living room.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: So sorry for the massive delay, I was without my laptop for some time. This chapter is a bit longer than my previous ones, so hopefully that's a step in atoning for my lack of timely updates. Thanks for all the kind reviews and for followng this story thus far. Please let me know what you think. **

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><p>Finn and Puck jumped from the sofa when Kurt and Mercedes walked in. They had left in such a haste earlier that they failed to realize they didn't know where Jesse lived. As a result they had spent their time driving to random spots Finn remembered Rachel mentioning hanging out with Jesse at while they dated. After striking out at both the music store and a local coffee shop, Puck suggested Finn just go to Rachel's house and confront her directly. But Finn shot down the idea. He was too angry to talk to Rachel right now, and while he had no problem taking that anger out on Jesse, he was afraid of what he'd say to Rachel in the heat of the moment if he saw her.<p>

"What the hell, man!" Puck greeted Kurt angrily. "I finally get the opportunity to rearrange that jerk Jesse's face and you call it off and then just disappear. We've been waiting around for hours."

Finn stepped forward. "She's my girlfriend, Kurt. I deserve to know who she's cheating on me with and she won't answer any of my calls. Just tell me what's going on," he pleaded pitifully.

Mercedes glanced around at the expressive faces of her friends and realized the three boys obviously knew something she didn't. "What's going on, Kurt? Why did you want me to come over?" she asked.

"Will everyone just calm down," Kurt said. "I know what's going on with Rachel. Let's go up to my room and I'll explain everything."

The party begrudgingly made it's way up to Kurt's room and Kurt closed the door behind them. He took a seat at his desk while Puck and Mercedes made themselves comfortable on his bed. Finn paced the floor nervously, glaring at Kurt for prolonging his anguish.

"Mercedes," Kurt began, "to answer your question, I called you because you were there for the bus incident with Rachel today so you're sort of involved now. And well, try as I might, I'm not a girl, and Rachel might be more comfortable talking to one about this."

"Kurt, if you don't get to the point I'm going to lose it!" Finn yelled.

"Rachel's not sleeping with Jesse. They really are just working on the play," Kurt said.

Puck raised an eyebrow, seemingly unconvinced. "So why'd she need the morning after pill?" he asked as he laid back on the bed and clasped his hands behind his head so that he was staring up at the ceiling. This whole situation was becoming kind of boring for him. He was down with beating up Jesse, but he really had no interest in sitting around and discussing Finn and Rachel's nonexistent sex life.

"Wait, I thought she was doing the nasty with white boy over here," Mercedes said, gesturing to Finn.

Kurt shook his head. "Turns out she lied about that." He turned his attention from Mercedes to his step-brother. "Finn, you said you thought Rachel had been acting differently lately, right?" Finn nodded slowly in Kurt's direction. "That's because someone's been hurting her and she's afraid to tell anyone," Kurt continued.

Finn stopped pacing suddenly and fixed his eyes on Kurt. "What are you talking about?"

"You ever hear of PTSD?" Kurt asked after a moment of thought.

"The thing soldiers get when they come home from war?" Puck ventured as he pushed himself up into sitting position.

"Yes," Kurt said, "but it's also common in instances of trauma, like sexual assault or physical abuse."

"Kurt, you're scaring me," Mercedes said. "What does this have to do with Rachel?"

Kurt sighed and looked back at Finn. "Finn, what Rachel did that night I came down to talk to you, the way she reacted to," he stopped and lowered his voice before continuing, "to you touching her, even though your intentions were relatively innocent, that's PTSD. She was reliving her trauma. She wasn't really responding to you, she was responding to whoever has been hurting her."

That was a conclusion Kurt had reached during his cell phone research mission at the diner. He had felt so helpless after Rachel's outcry that he found himself punching random phrases into his cell phone's internet search engine in an attempt to get a grasp on the situation. He knew something of this magnitude required more attention than an internet search on "sexual abuse," but he just needed a place to start because it was obvious Rachel needed help and he had no idea how to give her it. After reading a couple of paragraphs on the topic, Kurt knew he couldn't keep Rachel's secret no matter how angry she'd get at him for it.

"I don't understand," Finn said in frustration. "What trauma? What happened to her?" Finn tried desperately to sort through everything Kurt was saying. He really didn't know what PTSD meant or even what sexual assault was, but the part about Rachel being hurt by someone definitely made sense because Rachel had been acting so strange lately.

Puck laid a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder as he came to the realization himself. "She was raped, man."

There was a chorus of questions from Mercedes and a string of obscenities from Puck, but Kurt was too focused on Finn's face to address any of them right now. He looked absolutely distraught and completely dumfounded, like the reality of what had happened to Rachel was beyond his grasp.

"Who?" Finn choked out after a few moments of silence. "Who would do this?"

"I don't know, she wouldn't say. She just said she can't tell anyone because it would ruin everything. She's terrified and embarrassed. It's apparently been going on for a few weeks now. The guy gave her a pretty nasty looking black eye," Kurt revealed with a frown.

Finn's foot connected with Kurt's custom-made suede ottoman and Kurt tried not to wince at the destruction. "What the hell?" Finn shouted as he squeezed his eyes shut and balled his hands into fists. "How could...why would...I'll kill this guy! I'll kill him! He's so dead when I find him!"

"Look, I didn't call you up here so you could kick my furniture. We need to help Rachel," Kurt said flatly.

"But how are we supposed to do that?" Mercedes asked. "We don't even know who's hurting her." Mercedes couldn't quite wrap her head around what Kurt was telling them, but she felt horrible for tearing Rachel's paper bag on the bus and revealing the Plan B box. She really had just thought Rachel had skipped school and purchased some silly show tune CD. She would have never pressured Rachel about the contents of the bag if she knew the truth.

Kurt stood up and walked to the center of the bedroom. He knew he had to take control of the situation quickly. He had had longer to process Rachel's situation and was probably in the best position to reel his friends in from their anger and confusion.

"First, we all agree right now not to tell any of the other kids at school," Kurt said. Three heads nodded in agreement. "Next, we need to go to someone who can get Rachel the help she needs. She won't listen to me and I don't know how to get through to her, so maybe if an adult she trusts gets involved, she'll see that she can't ignore what's going on. I vote for Mr. Schue, but I'm open to suggestions."

Kurt hated that he had to go against Rachel's wishes, but he knew the only way he could help his friend was by alerting someone to what was going on with her. He would have gone to the police himself, but he feared they'd approach Rachel directly and frighten her. He considered trying to get a hold of Rachel's fathers again, but he'd never be able to get them alone without Rachel catching on to what he was doing and disputing the whole thing.

"Yeah, I'm down with telling Mr. Schue. He's always been there for us before, he'll know what to do," Mercedes agreed. Puck and Finn didn't object.

Kurt nodded in acknowledgment of his friends. "Ok and finally, we have to stick with Rachel no matter how difficult it gets. She's going to be angry when we approach her, but if she won't tell us who it is then we have to do what we can to protect her. Mr. Schue might be able to get through to her, and if not he's going to have no choice but to report it to the cops. Hopefully she'll feel safe enough to open up and go to the cops herself once she realizes there's all these people looking out for her."

"I can't believe she's been going through this all this time," Finn muttered miserably. "I'm such an idiot. I should have asked her what was wrong more. I should have _made_ her tell me what was bothering her. I should have known that night we... when she...I should have known that something was off. That wasn't Rachel and I knew that, but I didn't stop her. Oh God, I can't believe I let her do _that. _She must think I'm no better than this guy." He pressed his palms into his head in despair. "I need to talk to her, I need to tell her I would never..." he trailed off.

"She doesn't need another male in her life _making _her do anything," Kurt said. "There was no way you could have known, so there's no point in beating yourself up over it now. Let's just make sure it doesn't happen again."

"That's all fine and dandy, Hummel," Puck cut in, "but what if she won't give up the name? Even after Mr. Schue or the cops get involved? You know how stubborn Rachel can be. How are we supposed to help her if she doesn't let us?"

Kurt nodded. Rachel was kind of notorious for her stubbornness and it would have been foolish to assume she'd be amendable to their plan. Nothing with Rachel was ever that simple and Kurt had definitely considered her resistance a likely roadblock.

"That brings me to the second phase of my plan and why I chose to involve you all. Security detail," he revealed with a slight smirk. "If all else fails and she won't talk, then we make sure she's never alone with this creep. Now it's my understanding that she's safe at home, so that leaves school and any after school activity as the place where this is going on. From now on, she doesn't go anywhere without an escort." Next Kurt addressed his step-brother directly, "Finn, be prepared to become a super clingy boyfriend because you'll be shadowing Rachel everywhere she goes. And when you can't be there, we will be. If we pay close enough attention, she should eventually lead us to whoever is doing this."

"Yeah, man. We got this," Puck said.

"We'll approach Mr. Schue tomorrow at lunch," Kurt declared.

"Wait, if we all go to talk to Mr. Schue tomorrow, who will watch Rachel while we're gone? It could be one of the guys at school, they're always messing with her," Mercedes said.

The three boys exchanged worried looks.

"You guys go, I'll take Berry watch," Puck volunteered.

Finn offered an appreciative nod in his friend's direction. For the first time ever he was grateful for Puck's friendship with his girlfriend. He had finally accepted that there was nothing romantic between Puck and Rachel, and more importantly he knew Puck would look out for Rachel as if she was his own girl, so he was thankful Rachel would have someone like Puck looking out for her while he went to talk to Mr. Schue. Finn was prepared to physically chain himself to Rachel and never leave her side if that was what was necessary to keep her safe, but he really wanted to be present for the meeting with Mr. Schue. He knew he had been witness to the most telling of Rachel's behavior and maybe he could be of some use if the police get called. And he was also hoping that Mr. Schue could tell him how to handle this all, because right now all he could think of to do was tracking this bastard down and smashing his face in. He really wanted to drive over to Rachel's house and give her the biggest hug imaginable, but he didn't think she'd like that because she always kind of tensed when he hugged or kissed her now, and God, why hadn't he picked up on this sooner.

"Ok, now that we got that settled, let's decide who's taking what shift in Rachel watch," Kurt said. "Finn, can you give Rachel a ride to school tomorrow? If her fathers take her she might wander off before one of us gets to her and we won't be able to watch her. "

A look of panic flashed across Finn's face. "I'm supposed to go in early, we have morning football practice," he grumbled glancing towards Puck. "But it doesn't matter. I'll quit the team," he added quickly.

"No, that will only make Rachel feel guilty. She doesn't need that right now. I'd do it but I have another week left on my car ban," Kurt said with a roll of his eyes. "Mercedes, how about you pick me up tomorrow and we'll get Rachel together?" Mercedes nodded her consent. "Perfect. I'll take first period. And then Puck you have Geometry together, right?"

Puck shrugged. "I think so. I don't usually go, but I'll make an exception tomorrow."

"Great. Finn, she's yours third period. Anyone know what she has 4th period?" Kurt asked.

"We have P.E.," Mercedes answered. "I got this"

"Then she'll have lunch with Puck," Kurt continued. "And we'll go talk to Mr. Schue. If need be, we'll iron out the rest of the itinerary after tomorrow's meeting, but hopefully after Mr. Schue intervenes we won't need the security detail because she'll give the guy's name up."

"And then we can go bash his skull in," Puck said.

"And then we can turn him in to the cops," Kurt corrected. "Maybe after you bash his skull in a little bit," he conceded with a shrug.

They went over how they planned on handling the situation at school tomorrow some more and Kurt made everyone promise not to directly approach Rachel about it until after the meeting with Mr. Schue. He stressed how important it was not to scare Rachel off or give her time to formulate a counter plan.

"You guys didn't see how freaked out she got when I said I was going to tell someone, she had this really scary panic attack. I don't want to spook her before we get the chance to talk to Mr. Schue and call the cops, so just pretend you don't know," Kurt warned the group.

Finn wasn't sure how he was going to pretend he didn't known his girlfriend had been raped, but he agreed to Kurt's stipulations because he didn't want to mess things up. He just hoped he didn't burst into tears like a little baby as soon as he saw her tomorrow because that was pretty much what he felt like doing right now.

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><p>It was 3:26 in the morning when Rachel's eyes fluttered open. She had dreamt about opening night of the musical. Her dads had come to wish her luck before she took the stage and walked in on her and Mr. Ellis in the dressing room. Her father had called her every derogatory name in the book before storming out and her daddy had cried. As her daddy bemoaned the loss of his little girl's innocence, Finn appeared behind him in the doorway of the dressing room. He didn't speak, he just looked at her with such disgust and contempt that she found herself crawling over to him and begging for his forgiveness on her knees.<p>

She tried to shake her mind free of the images, telling herself it was just a dream, but it felt so real. Tiredly, she grabbed her cell phone off the nightstand and saw she had several missed calls and unread text messages.

There were a bunch of calls from early in the evening, several from Finn, one from Noah, and three from Kurt, all of which had come in around the same time. Rachel noticed that they had all been made before Kurt showed up at her doorstep. There was also a series of text messages. An apology from Mercedes for tearing the pharmacy bag and invading her privacy, a rather strong request from Kurt to call him when she woke up, and another saying he'd pick her up for school around 7:30am. She didn't need Kurt to drive her into school, her father usually did, but she figured he probably wanted to question her some more. She texted back her consent because she wanted to show him how perfectly fine she was so he would drop his inquiry into her life. It had been a mistake on her part to let him in on her secret and now she'd have to do some serious damage control.

The last text message she had received was from Finn, which was time stamped for 1:16am. It read simply: _"I love you." _She wondered why Finn was up so late on a school night, but didn't text him back. It hurt too much to be reminded of what she was doing to the boy who loved her.

Rachel dragged herself out of bed and to the shower. It may have been only a dream, but she could still feel _him_ on her skin and in her mouth. After dressing in a pair of clean sweats she decided to take a crack at the homework she had been neglecting. She knew it was unlikely she'd be able to fall back asleep so she figured she might as well get something done. Somewhere between geometry problems and an essay on symbolism in _The Great Gatsby,_ she texted Finn back.

"_I love you too." _

By 6:15am Rachel was caught up on all her assignments and found herself staring up at the ceiling as she twirled around in her desk chair. She would have never imagined she'd find herself entangled in a tawdry sexual relationship with the much older director of her first real acting job, but somehow that was exactly where she was. She was such a cliché, the young ingenue willing to do _anything_ for a shot at stardom. At one point she had such strong convictions. She had told herself a hundred times that she would never let herself be muddied by the ugliness of show business, but only a couple of months in and she had already allowed herself to be used, humiliated and degraded. She honestly had no idea how she had become that person because she really didn't care about stardom now, and she'd give up any chance of ever being on Broadway if she could just get away from Mr. Ellis, but she didn't know how to untangle herself from the massive mess she had created. And to complicate matters, Kurt was onto her. It was a moment of weakness that caused her to reveal as much as she did to the boy, but she was hoping he'd keep his promise of not telling anyone. She'd have to reiterate the request when he picked her up.

Rachel was surprised to see Kurt pull up to her house that morning in Mercedes's car, but she slid into the backseat quietly. Seeing as Kurt wasn't alone, she was unable to attempt to convince him that outside interference was not necessary in her situation. Instead she offered a simple good morning and thank you before settling back against the cloth seat and listening to her friends discuss their upcoming duet audition.

Kurt walked with Rachel to her locker and then dragged her to his. Once they both had their books for the morning, they walked to first period together. They didn't have class together but his classroom was directly opposite hers. He wasn't saying anything about it, but Rachel could tell the events of last night were on Kurt's mind. He seemed to be searching her face for hints or cracks and she felt herself suffocating under the scrutiny.

"Would you stop looking at me like that," Rachel whispered as they made their way through the hallways after their respective first classes had ended. Kurt had been waiting by her classroom door when her lesson ended and unceremoniously linked his arm through hers.

"Like what?" Kurt asked innocently. He could see the purple tint of her black-eye under the heavy base of her foundation and the sight made his stomach turn.

"Don't play dumb, I know what you're doing," she said. "I told you I'm fine and I don't need your pity."

"It's not pity. I admit I'm worried about you, but do you really expect me not to be? I find out someone's been physically and sexually abusing you for weeks and you won't tell me who the hell it is!"

The words seemed to sting Rachel and she bristled. "Shut up! No one did anything to me, ok? I'm not being abused so just forget it. Nothing happened."

"Rachel," Kurt said.

"I said forget it!" she snapped. "Nothing happened."

Rachel quickened her pace and Kurt had to jog to keep up with her. He decided to keep his mouth shut until the meeting with Mr. Schue since the school day had just started and he had already broken his own rule and put Rachel on the defensive.

On Friday mornings Finn had an early workout with the football team so Rachel didn't see him until their shared third period class, which she hated to admit she was thankful for. She was worried Kurt had told him about her secret last night, but she figured Finn would have tracked her down and confronted her already if that was the case.

Puck had surprisingly been in Geometry that morning and he insisted on walking her to History afterwards. When Rachel demanded to know why he felt it necessary to escort her from one classroom to the next, Puck just rolled his eyes and told her it was on his way. He glared menacingly at passers-by as he strutted them through the hallway, his hand wrapped softly but securely around her upper arm as if he thought she might wander off like a small child at a carnival. Rachel found his behavior quite odd but whenever she questioned him, Noah just dismissed her concerns and carried on.

Finn was waiting at the door to their History class and Noah practically handed her off to him. He greeted her with a faint smile and a lingering hug, but didn't say much else. Finn was uncharacteristically somber throughout History class, although Rachel caught him staring at her a few times and fidgeting nervously in his seat. She thought he looked particularly anxious and now she wasn't so sure that he didn't know, because she was certain he must have been plotting their breakup.

Despite not saying more than two words to her since he hugged her before class started, Finn took her hand and walked her out of History. He led her half-way down the hall to where Mercedes was standing with Kurt. The three appeared to exchange some sort of look Rachel couldn't quite pick up on before Finn squeezed her hand and kissed her goodbye. He nodded at Mercedes and Kurt before disappearing into a nearby classroom.

"So P.E., right?" Mercedes asked.

Rachel nodded dumbly. She thought maybe she was just being hyper-sensitive to other people's perception of her since her reveal to Kurt, but she was almost certain everyone was acting differently around her.

"Great, I'll walk with you," Mercedes said cheerily.

Before Rachel could respond, Mercedes linked her arm through hers like Kurt had earlier and steered her in the direction of the gymnasium as if they were the best of friends.

Mercedes stayed by her side throughout gym class. Even when Rachel slipped into a stall in the locker room to change into her gym clothes, because she had long ago tired of the other girls' mean comments about her body, Mercedes waited nearby. After the teacher dismissed them, Rachel again stepped into the stall to change and again found Mercedes waiting for her when she finished. Rachel definitely found the other girl's behavior suspicious, but she didn't make her concerns known. She and Mercedes had become closer in recent months, but they certainly weren't _so _close that they required constant contact.

Mercedes accompanied her out of the gym where they found Puck lingering. Again glances were exchanged that Rachel couldn't decipher and then Mercedes was gone and Noah was holding her by the arm again as they made their way through the sea of students and to her locker.

"Not that I don't appreciate your company, Noah, but what, might I ask, are you doing?" Rachel asked.

"I'm going to lunch with you," he said. "We still have to practice our duet and you're always too busy to work on it, so I'm seeing that you get to it today."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "I usually eat with Finn now."

"Beiste needed to see him. You're all mine, Princess," Puck said with a wink. In light of what he knew Rachel had been through, Puck felt bad lying to his friend, but he told himself it was necessary for now.

"Okay," Rachel sighed. "Just let me run to the bathroom and then I'll meet you in the choir room so we can practice."

"No," Puck said abruptly. He had no idea where the others were meeting Mr. Schue but it was very likely it was in the choir room since the teacher seemed to practically live there. "I mean, the choir room isn't really a good place to practice."

"Why not?" Rachel questioned. "It's our regular practice space, Noah. It's perfectly suitable for our task."

"Right. But we're not just a couple of regular performers, we're friggin' superstars," he declared confidently. "We should be practicing on a real stage. Let's go to the auditorium."

Rachel rolled her eyes tiredly. "Fine. Whatever. I'll see you there in 5 minutes."

"Where are you going?" Puck asked following her.

"Um, to the bathroom?" she said turning back to look at him curiously before making her way to the girl's bathroom.

Puck watched her walk down the hall and proceeded to keep his eyes glued to the bathroom door while Rachel was in there.

Rachel jumped back in surprise when she exited the bathroom to find Puck standing just outside the door. "Damnit, Noah! You nearly gave me a heart-attack! Why are you lurking outside the ladies' room?"

"I'm not lurking," Puck said. "I'm just standing here. Is that a crime?"

"Guess not," Rachel said dismissively. She didn't know if Puck's strange behavior was just Puck being Puck or something else, but she was too worn out to figure it out.

"Good. Now let's get going. We're winning this duet thing and we're gonna blow the roof off the place at Nationals."

Rachel chuckled softly. "We sure are. Let's do this."

"Nah uh," Puck said taking hold of her shoulders gently and steering her in the opposite direction.

Rachel shrugged out of his hold, the weight of his hands on her shoulders was too much. "I thought you wanted to practice in the auditorium? Will you make up your mind already because you're exhausting me, Noah."

"I do, but first we're swinging by the cafeteria and getting you a sandwich or something because you look like a goddamn skeleton," Puck said.

"Noah, I don't need.."

"There's no use in arguing with me, babe," he cut in. "You're eating something and then we're working on our awesome duet."

* * *

><p>Finn paced nervously in front of the choir room. The bell for lunch had rung a couple of minutes ago, but Kurt and Mercedes still hadn't show up. He knew they'd probably only be a few more minutes, but part of him was irrationally ticked at their prolonging of the conversation. He peeked inside the choir room and spotted Mr. Schue shuffling papers around in his office and sighed in relief that the teacher was available.<p>

"What the hell took you so long?" Finn huffed when Kurt and Mercedes finally approached.

"We stopped by our lockers to put our books away," Mercedes explained.

Kurt rested a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Relax, Finn. Let's just go do this."

Finn took a couple of deep breaths and nodded. He just wanted to get this whole thing over with so Rachel could be safe. He allowed Kurt to lead the charge into the choir room and stayed back as his step-brother knocked on Mr. Schue's office door.

"Hey guys," Mr. Schue greeted with a warm smile. "Is there something I could help you with?"

Kurt swallowed and nodded, his demeanor conveying a seriousness the teacher was unaccustomed to.

"Have a seat," Mr. Schue said, his easy-going smile now replaced by a look of concern. "What's going on?"

Finn stood against the back wall of the office as Mercedes and Kurt took the two chairs in front of Mr. Schue's desk. He didn't have the words to express what he wanted to say right now so he thought it'd be best to let Kurt do the talking.

"It's Rachel," Kurt began hesitantly. Despite all his planning and research, Kurt hadn't come up with a way to actually articulate the situation. It had sort of just spilled out at his house the night before with Finn, Puck and Mercedes, but Mr. Schue was probably completely unaware of Rachel's change of behavior so Kurt was unsure of how to introduce the subject.

Mr. Schue's eyes immediately lifted in Finn's direction, he searched the boy's face for some clue as to what was going on, but all he could pick up was that whatever the issue was, it is was clearly a cause for great distress because Finn looked nearly sick with worry.

"What about Rachel? Is she okay?" Mr. Schue asked.

Mercedes shook her head, but Kurt was the one to speak up.

"No. We believe... well, actually we know... because she kind of admitted," Kurt trailed off. Why was this so hard for him to say? It wasn't like it had happened to him. "Rachel...someone...she was raped and whoever did it has been hurting her for a while now. She won't tell me who it is and we don't know what else to do," he said quickly.

Finn stepped forward urgently. "We have to help her," he blurted out.

"We were hoping you could get her to talk to the cops," Mercedes said.

Will pressed a hand over his mouth in surprise. "She was raped?" he repeated quietly. "Are you sure?"

"She wouldn't outright say it, but when I confronted her about her black eye and strange behavior, she admitted that someone has been hurting her for a few weeks now," Kurt explained.

"How do you know it was rape and not another form of abuse?" Mr. Schue asked. The question sounded so wrong in his head. Things like this didn't happen to his kids. He was supposed to be planning set-lists and assigning leads, not investigating rape and abuse allegations.

"We found her with the morning after pill and she hasn't... been with anyone," Mercedes clarified.

Will shook his head a few times in an attempt to regain his bearings. He had no idea Rachel was struggling with anything, let alone something of this magnitude. Sure, she had been quieter than usual, but he figured she had simply mellowed out or was pouting over something insignificant. He had actually been somewhat grateful for the reprieve from Rachel's overbearing opinions and non-stop chatter. He felt terrible. How could he not notice something so terrible was happening to one of his students? "Okay, wow, uh, do her parents know?" he asked finally.

"They weren't home when I stopped by last night. And she freaked out on me when I said I was going to tell them, so I decided not to push the issue just yet," Kurt said.

Will nodded. "Where is she now?"

"With Puck. We didn't want to leave her alone since it's obviously someone she knows and that person might go to this school," Mercedes said.

"Alright, I'm going to have to notify her fathers and the police. You guys did the right thing by coming to me," Mr. Schue told his students.

"She's going to be alright, right?" Finn asked worriedly. "I mean once we find out who it is and stop him, she'll be okay?" He needed to believe he could fix this for her. He needed there to be some sort of solution he could wrap his mind around because he needed Rachel to be okay.

"It's not that simple, I'm afraid," Mr. Schue answered. "Dealing with something like this could be a lifelong struggle for Rachel, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. I'm going to make some calls, you guys go ahead to lunch and I'll call Rachel in when we're ready for her."

* * *

><p>"So how are we breaking this up?" Puck asked as he tuned his guitar. He was sitting center stage in the auditorium while Rachel tapped random keys on the piano to the left of him, the veggie sandwich he had insisted on buying for her was discarded on the floor beside the piano bench.<p>

Rachel stopped playing. "Well, "With or Without You" isn't typically sung as a duet and it's quite a complex arrangement we've come up with, so I was thinking we could switch off on the stanzas and harmonize on the "with or without" and "give yourself away" parts. Personally, I think duets are more intimate when two voices actually mesh, but we could divide it straight if you want."

"No, let's mesh," Puck said with a smirk. He tilted his head to invite her to join him on the stage floor and she did. As Puck strummed the opening chords, Rachel grew anxious. Something about sitting on the cold floor of an empty auditorium was making her feel uneasy. It reminded her too much of Mr. Ellis. She could feel herself struggling underneath his weight and see herself dropping to her knees for him on a similar stage. Abruptly she scrambled to her feet, stopping Puck's guitar playing.

"What's wrong?" Puck asked.

Rachel shook her head. "I just need to stand. Or not be in here. Yeah, I need to not be in here right now. Let's just practice in the choir room. Ok?"

"Rach, what's going on?"

"Nothing," she said. "I just don't want to be in here. Now you can come with me to the choir room to rehearse or you can stay here by yourself."

Puck cursed under his breath as he hastily stood up and swung his guitar around his back so that he could follow Rachel, who was quickly making her way out of the auditorium. "Will you slow down? Damn, your like a tiny Jewish ninja or something." He had no idea what set Rachel off, but she wasn't leaving him much time to figure it out.

He caught up with her as she was pulling the heavy double doors open and reached over her arms to grab hold of the door handle himself. When his arm brushed past hers, Rachel let out a squeak of surprise and spun around to face him, her eyes filled with panic and fear. "Whoa, Rach, relax. I was just getting the door," Puck said.

They were so close that Rachel had practically turned into him and Puck tentatively brought his hand up behind her back to coax her into a loose embrace. Rachel let Puck hug her as she cried into his shirt but she didn't raise her arms to return the embrace. Puck was aware of the awkwardness of standing in front of the auditorium door with Rachel sobbing against his chest, but any discomfort he may have felt at being locked in such an emotional scene was overshadowed by the blinding rage he felt for the unknown man who had caused Rachel to be so sad and fearful.

After a few minutes of crying, Rachel seemed to settle down and drew back from Puck with downcast puffy eyes and a quivering bottom lip. "Sorry," she mumbled lowly.

Puck watched her wipe at her tears and push her hair back from her face sheepishly. His mouth hung open slightly in shock. He knew why she was crying, maybe not why at that precise moment, but he just knew that it had something to do with what Kurt told them last night. He wanted to reassure her that she was safe, that he and Finn and everyone else, wouldn't let that asshole hurt her again, but he couldn't because she didn't know he knew. "It's ok," he managed to say finally.

Rachel nodded and slipped out of the auditorium ahead of him, too embarrassed to look back.

The heavy doors slammed closed behind them and Puck allowed Rachel to lead the way to the choir room. He kept one eye on her back as he quickly typed out a message to the others alerting them that he and Rachel were approaching the choir room. He was hoping they wouldn't be there because Rachel thought Finn was in a meeting with Beiste and that guy was a terrible liar.

Rachel decided she'd simply pretend she hadn't spent a solid 5 minutes crying into Puck's shirt and quietly walked ahead of him through the halls. Puck seemed preoccupied texting on his cell phone and she was thankful he wasn't questioning her strange behavior.

Rachel entered the choir room to find Finn, Kurt, and Mercedes filing out of Mr. Schue's small office. They seemed startled to see her.

"What are you guys doing here?" she asked. "Finn, I thought you had some meeting with Coach Beiste about the team?"

"Rachel!" Finn said. "I, uh...we...well, I did... have a meeting, but... I," he trailed off nervously.

As her friends seemed to flounder in front of her, incapable of forming coherent sentences, Mr. Schue stepped out from his office behind them, looking equally as somber and anxious as the others.

"Rachel," he said quietly.

"What's going on here?" Rachel asked. "Was there some secret Glee club meeting you guys didn't tell me about? Are you kicking me out of the club? I know I haven't been a very good co-captain lately, but I can assure you that I'll do better. I've just been distracted...with the musical, but I'm sorry. I'll do better though, okay? I promise. I won't let you guys down again."

"No, of course you're not being kicked out," Mr. Schue said. "Why don't you have a seat in my office. I need to talk to you about something."

Rachel swallowed thickly. Why was everyone gathering without her? And why did Mr. Schue want to see her alone? "About what? I-I've been good in Glee. My attitude has been much better, hasn't it? I don't interrupt your lessons, or speak out of turn. I haven't insisted on a solo in quite some time or thrown a tantrum when things didn't go my way. What did I do wrong? "

Will deflated at Rachel's obvious uncertainty. She really _was_ different. "Nothing. It's not about Glee. Let's just talk," he said pointing to his office.

Rachel shook her head. "No. I didn't do anything. I'm not going in there... why do you need to see me?"

"Rachel, please," Mr. Schue said. "You didn't do anything wrong. I would just like to speak to you alone."

Rachel's eyes flitted to the office warily. She knew Mr. Schue wasn't like Mr. Ellis, but she couldn't bring herself to step into an office alone with another man. She had already made that mistake once. "I'd rather not, Mr. Schue," she said.

"Please, Rachel. We just want to help you," Finn said.

"Help me? Help me with what? I don't need any help," Rachel insisted. She glanced around the room and noticed the pity on the faces of her friends and teacher. The realization hit her hard. "Kurt, what did you do?"

"Rachel, I'm sorry. I had to," Kurt said guiltily.

Rachel shook her head frantically. She didn't care what Kurt had told them, she'd deny it. They couldn't know. Finn couldn't know what she had done. "I don't know what Kurt told you all, but he's lying."

"Rachel," Mr. Schue said softly as he took a step towards her.

She retreated from her teacher's approaching form and continued her denial. "He's lying. Nothing happened."

"Then where'd you get that black eye?" Puck asked.

Rachel turned her head and stared at Puck as if he had betrayed her. Puck knew, too? She thought about how he and the others had been acting all day, how they had practically shadowed her around the school. Now she knew why. They were waiting for her to slip up. "What? I-I don't know what you're talking about," she stammered.

"Rachel, we can get you the help you need," Mr. Schue said, once again attempting to usher her into his office.

Rachel took one last look at the pleading eyes of the people in the room before turning and fleeing from them.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: **Hey everyone. Thanks again for reading, reviewing and putting this story on alert. I apologize for the delay with this chapter... I struggled a bit with it, one scene in particular, and I didn't want to post till I thought I got the tone right. Hopefully I did okay with it. Please let me know what you think. I love hearing your feedback. Oh, and I'm proof reading this at 4am so I apologize if I missed any errors, I just wanted to get it up as fast as possible once I finished it.

* * *

><p>The group watched Rachel leave. They looked at each other guiltily before their collective silence deteriorated into petty bickering.<p>

Mercedes was first to speak up. "Nice going, Puck. You couldn't keep her away from the choir room for 5 more minutes?" she asked.

"Hey, don't put this on me! I said I'd keep an eye on her, but she got all hysterical on me and I couldn't keep up with her crazy," Puck returned hotly.

"She's got a pretty good reason to be hysterical, don't you think? She was raped!" Kurt said in defense of his absent friend.

"I know that, Hummel! I did my best to distract her, but she freaked out on me and ran out of the auditorium. What the hell was I supposed to do?" Puck asked. He knew he screwed up by letting Rachel get to the choir room while the others were still with Mr. Schue, but he had honestly tried. He really wanted to take her mind off of everything for a little while, and he thought practicing their duet would do the trick, but he couldn't even do that for her.

"That's enough guys," Mr. Schue interrupted. "This isn't helping."

"Uh, guys? Shouldn't one of us go after Rachel?" Mercedes asked.

Puck and Kurt exchanged guilty looks. While they had been screaming at each other like cranky kindergardeners, Rachel was probably off somewhere, alone and crying.

"She's probably in the bathroom crying again. I'll go get her," Puck volunteered.

"She's probably in the _girl's _bathroom, Puck," Kurt said.

"So?" Puck asked. "I'm in there all the time."

Finn tried to shake his friends' bickering voices from his head. He hadn't been able to speak since Rachel fled the room. It wasn't supposed to be happening like this. They were supposed to help her. "Will everyone just shut up!" he shouted over the group. "I'm going to find Rachel."

Finn walked down the halls on the first floor, peeking in all the girls' bathrooms and calling Rachel's name. He felt a little awkward doing so, but his need to find Rachel outweighed his discomfort. A couple of girls had shrieked and called him a pervert when he walked in on them fixing their makeup at the mirrors, but he didn't care.

After his sweep of the first floor, Finn returned to the choir room. "She wasn't in any of the bathrooms on this floor, I checked them all."

"Well she couldn't have gotten too far," Mr. Schue reasoned. "We'll find her."

"Let's try to auditorium," Kurt suggested.

"She wouldn't be in there. She apparently has some strange aversion to auditoriums now or something. She totally freaked out on me in there a few minutes ago," Puck said.

Mr. Schue frowned in contemplation. The kids were looking to him for guidance and he had no clue how to lead them. This type of thing was completely out of his comfort zone as a teacher. "Does Rachel have a car?" he asked after a moment of thought.

"No, she doesn't even have a license," Finn answered. "I was teaching her when the school year started but we broke up before her birthday and I don't think she ever took the road test."

Mr. Schue nodded hopefully. "Ok, so she's probably still on school grounds. We'll split up." He sent the kids off in various directions and then went off on his own to search for his student.

Kurt and Mercedes headed to the second floor to check the bathrooms up there, while Finn and Puck made their way towards the library.

"That's weird," Finn said as they neared his locker. "I don't remember leaving my locker door open."

"You don't remember how to tie your shoes," Puck shot back.

Finn ignored the insult and walked over to his locker to investigate. He rummaged through some junk on the bottom of it, realizing something was missing. "My keys are gone!"

"What?" Puck asked.

"The keys to my truck," Finn clarified. "Someone took them."

Puck stepped closer and inspected the lock on the door. "Doesn't look busted. It was someone who knows your combination."

There was only one person other than himself whom Finn trusted with his locker combination. "Rachel," he said. "But why would she want my keys?"

"I don't know. So she could run away?" Puck guessed. "Well, drive away."

Finn's eyes widened. "Give me your keys, man. I have to go get her."

"Don't you think you're over-reacting? She's probably just embarrassed and wants to get away from everyone now that she knows we all know," Puck said.

Finn shook his head. Puck might have been right on some level, but he couldn't just let Rachel wander around alone, especially not now. "She's upset and someone's been hurting her. We still don't know who that is. I need to find her. Just give me your damn keys!"

"Alright, here." Puck pulled his car keys from his pocket and dropped them in Finn's hand. "Let me know when you find her, okay?"

Finn nodded his thanks and took off immediately. If he rushed, maybe he could catch Rachel leaving the parking lot.

His feet hit the pavement in time to see his truck roll to a stop at the traffic light on the road just outside the school parking lot. Finn was grateful for Puck's blatant disregard of authority because his friend had ignored the "Faculty Parking Only" signs in the front of the parking lot and parked right near the entrance. He ran over to Puck's truck, yanked open the door, hopped in, and threw the car into drive. Knowing he'd definitely lose Rachel if he drove through the lot to the exit from where he was supposed to, Finn glanced around cautiously before pulling out through the entrance only ramp, which put him only a half block behind Rachel. When the light turned green, his truck jerked forward before picking up speed ahead of him. Finn winced at Rachel's subpar driving abilities. They definitely needed to finish their driving lessons.

He allotted almost a half block distance between himself and Rachel so she wouldn't notice him trailing her. He was assuming she'd drive home, or to the park or lake to sit quietly, but when she pulled onto the freeway, Finn realized he'd been wrong.

Finn was able to maintain a safe distance and trail Rachel successfully for several miles, but then an 18 wheeler truck cut him off and he lost her. He tried to speed up with hopes of catching her, but he was boxed in his lane. He slammed his fist into the steering wheel of Puck's pick-up a couple of times before scanning the highway for signs. _Route 33._ They were on Route 33. He'd driven this road a bunch of times in the past, including twice when he went to see the Blue Jackets play. Route 33 was definitely on the way to Columbus and Rachel's musical rehearsed in Columbus. She must be going to the theater to get away from them all, he realized. He fumbled with his cell phone and managed to dial Kurt.

"Kurt!" Finn nearly screamed when his step-brother answered the phone. "What's the name of the theater Rachel is doing the musical at?"

"Finn? What's going on? Did you find Rachel?" Kurt asked.

"No. I lost her."

Kurt's voice rose in alarm. "What do you mean you lost her?"

"I was following her, but then this big stupid truck got in my way and then I couldn't get out of the damn lane and now she's gone," Finn grumbled.

"You've been following her this whole time?" Kurt asked.

"Yes. I need to find her," Finn answered urgently. "But that stupid truck made me lose her!"

Kurt glanced up and mouthed _"it's Finn" _to Mercedes, who was standing in front of him. After their tour of the school's second floor proved futile, they returned to the choir room to find Puck, who filled them in on Rachel's little bout of grand theft auto. "Where are you exactly?" he asked.

Finn searched the road for more specific highway signs. "Route 33. I think she's headed to Columbus. She's probably going to the theater to be alone or whatever, but I can't let her think she's alone in this. Do you know where this place is?"

"I know the name," Kurt said. "She talked about the theater's cultural impact and historical significance for an hour straight when she first got the part. I'll google the address and text you directions."

"Great. Thanks, man." Finn dropped his cell phone on the passenger seat and waited for Kurt's text. He had to be right about this. Where else could Rachel be headed to in this direction? Besides, running away to a theater was such a Rachel thing to do.

After a few minutes his phone vibrated with an incoming text message. Knowing he'd need to familiarize himself with the directions, Finn decided to pull onto the shoulder of the highway and read over the text. He studied the directions Kurt sent him for a couple of minutes before deciding he knew where he was going and pulling back onto the road.

Route 33 was pretty jammed and Finn felt like traffic was literally crawling along. He just wanted to get to Rachel and hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay, but he couldn't because he had only moved one exit in the last twenty minutes. He comforted himself with the knowledge that Rachel was sitting in the same traffic, probably only a mile or so ahead of him, so at least she was close and safe.

It ended up taking over 3 hours to get to the theater and Finn couldn't help but wonder why Rachel would go through all that hassle just to get some alone time. She could have just driven down to the park or something and not sat through hours of horrible afternoon traffic, but he knew Rachel was theatrical, and it kind of made sense for her to seek comfort in an actual theater.

Finn spotted his truck parked in the lot behind the theater and heaved a sigh of relief at the sight. Rachel drove all the way from Lima to Columbus and his truck was still in tact. Maybe those lessons from earlier in the year had paid off. He parked Puck's pick-up besides his own truck and peeked through the passenger window to see if Rachel was still in the vehicle, but she was gone. He wasn't too surprised she had beat him here, Rachel had made a bit of a break away on the freeway and he had needed to pull over for directions. But he didn't care that he was late, he was just happy he found her. Now he just needed to go in there and show Rachel she wasn't alone.

* * *

><p>Rachel hadn't exactly been planning to swipe Finn's keys from his locker and make a mad dash for the theater, but she had just needed to get out of the choir room. The way they were all looking at her made her skin crawl. She couldn't stand to be looked at like that. Rachel hated pity. It was a stupid useless passive emotion that didn't actually solve anything. People probably assumed she'd be the type of girl who basked in the sympathy of others, but that wasn't the case at all. Sure, she loved attention and praise, and of course the occasional applause, or at least she did once, but those things were earned and she had loved earning them. Pity was simply heaved upon a person when their lives became so pathetic and miserable that others people felt the need to alleviate themselves of some misplaced sense of guilt by pitying the poor person. She did not want anyone's pity and she would not accept it. She would not accept that she had let herself become the type of person who others felt compelled to pity.<p>

It was the looks of pity on her friends' and teacher's faces that sparked a fire in Rachel. She had been entirely too passive in this whole thing for too long and now her friends were looking at her like some sort of victim._ Didn't they know what she did? What she was?_ As she rounded the corner of McKinley High's hallway, she was overcome with the need to take control of the situation. Passivity had never been a trait of hers, and she wasn't going to let it continue to be. Rachel Berry was going to actively put an end to the mess she had gotten in herself into, and then she was going to tell her friends they could take their pity and shove it because she didn't need it.

Getting into Finn's locker had been easy. She had the combination because Finn often borrowed her notes after he fell asleep in class, and because he sometimes forgot to return them, he had given Rachel the combination so she could retrieve them herself when need be. She didn't actually have her driver's license yet, but that was inconsequential to Rachel. Finn had taught her enough to get by and she was reasonably certain she could make it to Columbus without wrecking his truck. She'd have to apologize to Finn for borrowing his car without his permission later, but he would have never let her go if she asked and she needed to do this. She owed it to him to put an end to whatever it was she had with Mr. Ellis, she just hoped Finn could forgive her when it was all over.

Once the adrenaline wore off, the gravity of what she was about to do set it. Rachel gripped the steering wheel of Finn's old truck tightly and pulled onto the freeway with a nauseating sense of dread in her stomach. She cut off a little green Honda Civic when she merged into the oncoming traffic and nearly jumped out of her seat when the young man behind the wheel honked his horn at her. Her panic only increased as she sat in bumper to bumper traffic on Route 33, rehearsing what she was going to say to Mr. Ellis when she saw him in her head.

After a three hour drive Rachel reached the theater. By this time her nerves were utterly frayed and she had taken to running through the monologue she had planned to deliver to Mr. Ellis out loud. She must have looked insane mumbling to herself as she hurried from the truck to the stage door, but if she stopped too long to compose herself and think about what she was about to do to, she was sure she'd talk herself out of it, after she threw up of course.

It was almost four o'clock when Rachel entered the theater in search of Mr. Ellis. She had no idea why she assumed the director would be in so early, considering rehearsal didn't start for another hour, but when she neared his office door, she could see that there was a light on inside.

The words she had so carefully crafted in her head died on Rachel's lips when she pulled the office door open and saw Mr. Ellis sitting behind his desk. He looked up from his papers, initially appearing surprised by the intrusion, but his unwavering calmness soon returned.

"Rachel," Mr Ellis said, looking at her over the rims of his glasses. "You're early."

Rachel felt frozen. This was a terrible idea. Why did she think she could do this? She couldn't open her mouth around the man unless he instructed her to and that usually wasn't to talk.

"Come to see me?" he asked with a gentle smile that seemed so out of place on his face.

"I..I needed to...you...you ruined my life!" Rachel yelled. The sound of her own voice startled her. It wasn't what she had planned on saying, but it was the first thing her mind could push past her lips.

Mr. Ellis slowly got to his feet. "Rachel, calm down. There's no need to shout. What are you so upset about? "

"You ruined my life!" she repeated, her voice more venomous than the first time.

"How did I do that?" Mr. Ellis asked, feigning genuine curiosity.

Rachel held her ground. "You-you made me do things. I didn't want this. You ruined my life."

"You don't mean that, baby," he said with a sad smile. "We have something special."

Rachel drew in a sharp shaky breath and spoke through clenched teeth. "What we have is _sick_! It's _sick_! You're _sick!_"

Anger flashed in Mr. Ellis's eyes, but he remained calm. "And you're not? You're not some innocent little girl, so don't go looking to blame me. No one took advantage of you, sweetheart. You kept coming back. You were a willing participant."

"I said no and you wouldn't stop. I wanted you to stop," Rachel said quietly. Tears started to prick at her eyes and she had to swallow the sobs that threatened to spill from her throat.

"But you didn't mean it," Mr. Ellis said.

"Yes, I did! I meant it every time!" she insisted. "I just wanted you to stop."

Mr. Ellis studied Rachel's face for a moment before removing his glasses with a sigh. "So why'd you continue to come see me?" he asked. "Hm? If you hated it so much, why come back?"

Rachel dropped her eyes to the carpet guiltily. When she spoke it was barely above a whisper. "I didn't want to." She wasn't sure why she hadn't stopped showing up to the theater. It wasn't like Mr. Ellis had chased her down outside of the theater, she had come to him and let things continue. "I didn't want to," she repeated for her own benefit. She really didn't.

"But you did. You kept coming back. No one forced you to, but you came back. Because you liked it and that's _ok_, Rachel. You're supposed to like it. It feels good, doesn't it?" Mr. Ellis asked with a sickening smile. He stepped out from behind the desk so there was nothing more than a few feet of space between them. "You like how I make you feel, don't you?"

"No!" Rachel cried angrily. She took a couple of steps backwards. "No_._ I _hated_ it. And I _hate_ you. It didn't feel good at all. I _hated_ it."

"No you didn't," Mr. Ellis said. "Don't be a slut and a liar, Rachel."

"I didn't...I didn't want to. I said no. You didn't listen. Why didn't you listen?" Rachel asked, her voice a desperate plea.

Mr. Ellis grew agitated with Rachel's questions. "Why'd you come here, Rachel? To yell at me? Because I won't tolerate being spoken to in that tone."

"Why did you pick me?" she asked.

Mr. Ellis seemed thrown by the question. "What?"

"Why'd you pick me?" Rachel demanded again. She just needed to know. She needed to know what it was he saw in her that made him pick her. She needed to know so she could fix it. "Why me? How did you know?"

"How'd I know what?" Mr. Ellis asked.

Again, Rachel posed her question. "How'd you know I'd do it? What was it about me that made you pick me?"

"Rachel, you're special to me."

"Stop saying that!" she shrieked, her voice high and shrill. "Just tell me why you picked me!"

Mr. Ellis laughed. "Because girls like you are so easy. I could make you do anything I want and you'll do it... because you're a weak pathetic little girl. You think you're protecting your friends, and your parents? Please, they don't give a damn about you. You're nothing but a whore. So eager to please and be liked. Couldn't dare betray your friend or disappoint your poor parents," he said with a smirk. "You're all the same. You come to me looking for attention and as soon as you get it you want to cry about it. I was trying to help you loosen up and this is how you repay me? By shouting and making allegations? You're an ungrateful little slut! You didn't want it, Rachel? Really? Is that why you came every time I buried my fingers in that tight pussy of yours? Is that why you practically begged to suck my cock whenever we were alone? God, you're so pathetic. No wonder you want to be an actress, you just always have to be the goddamn center of attention."

Rachel stared at him in horror. The things he was saying were so ugly, but she couldn't help feeling that he was speaking the truth.

"Come here," Mr. Ellis said after a pause. His hands dropped to his waist and he started to unbuckle his belt. "I said, come here," he hissed when Rachel failed to follow his command.

"No," Rachel squeaked out with a shake of her head. She wanted to turn and run from him, but her feet wouldn't move.

"Oh, someone put on her big girl panties today," he said, mocking her defiance. He stopped fumbling with his fly and advanced on her quickly, backing her against the wall of the tiny office before she had the chance to react. "When I say to do something, you do it!" he screamed in her face. "I say jump, you say how high. I say get on your knees, you get on your fucking knees like the good little whore you are," he snarled, clamping both hands down on her shoulders and pushing her down towards the floor.

"No! Stop it!" Rachel cried.

Mr. Ellis continued to try to push Rachel to the floor, but she struggled against him and refused to yield. When he got frustrated with her fighting him, he punched her in the stomach twice and smirked in satisfaction when she fell to her knees in a heap.

"You see, you can't fight it," he taunted. He knelt down beside her and pulled her head up by her hair so he could slam his fist into her ribs a few times. When it hurt too much to move, Rachel stopped struggling and Mr. Ellis pushed her back against the carpet. "We could have done this the easy way, but you, you always have to make things more difficult." He hit her again, this time across the face, and tore open her blouse. "You don't fucking listen!" Another smack landed against her cheek before he grabbed at her breasts, squeezing them greedily. "I thought you would have gotten it by now, Rachel. You're mine. No one else wants you. I didn't want to hurt you, but you don't appreciate what we have. You don't respect me." Again his hand struck her face and she tried to roll away from him, but her body was pinned under his and she was in too much pain to fight. He roughly pushed up her skirt and pulled down her panties.

"Stop! No! Stop it! Please! Please! Stop!" Rachel screamed as she attempted to kick and squirm out from underneath him. She could feel him groping her bare thighs, trying to pull them apart, but her attempts at warding him off were failing miserably. Her body was too weak. _God, why did she come here? And why had she worn a skirt today?_ She had abandoned that particular form of attire on rehearsal days weeks ago, but she had forgotten that today. She was just making things easier for him.

"This is happening, Rachel," Mr. Ellis told her flatly, pushing his slacks and boxers down just enough to expose his penis. "You need to learn."

Rachel couldn't physically fend him off, but she still had her voice. "No! No! Please, don't! Don't! Just stop! Stop! Stop it! Please don't do this! Stop!"

"Just be a good girl, Rachel." He leaned in and bit the skin on her neck before he pushed himself inside of her in one quick painful motion.

A strangled scream tore from her throat as she squeezed her eyes shut tight.

* * *

><p>Shelby decided to head to the theater early that afternoon. Not only was she needing to discuss the upcoming rehearsal schedule with Richard, but she was hoping to quiz him a little more about his meeting with Rachel on Wednesday night. Rachel had seemed so out of sorts when she ran out the stage door that night and he had been the last person to talk to her. Shelby just couldn't accept that Rachel's grief was over something as silly as a boy. Maybe Richard knew more than he let up, but didn't want to discuss Rachel's private life with her. As far as Shelby knew, the director was unaware that his lead actress was Shelby's biological daughter, but Richard obviously had a close relationship with Rachel if he was privy to the details of her dating life. So it was possible Rachel had confided in the man about what was really bothering her and it couldn't hurt to do some prying.<p>

It kind of stung Shelby to think that Rachel would feel more comfortable talking to a man she hardly knew than to her own mother, but then again she hardly knew her mother either. It was a long shot, but Shelby had to take it because Rachel was obviously struggling and Shelby had no other recourse to finding out what her struggle was really about. She was still a little afraid that she'd learn that it was actually her own reemergence in Rachel's life that was causing her daughter so much pain, but she just needed to know for sure. She had tried reaching out to Rachel via text message last night, but not surprisingly, Rachel had shut her out. She didn't blame Rachel, after all, she had been the one to insist on putting distance between them when Rachel clearly wanted something more a year ago. Leaving had been a mistake, she was scared of building a relationship with Rachel, scared she'd let her down, scared she wouldn't measure up to the image of a mother in Rachel's head, but leaving had ultimately hurt Rachel and Shelby regretted it more than anything.

Now Shelby had been given a second chance... no, a third chance, and she was not going to squander the opportunity to get to know her daughter for real this time. She had not known Rachel was part of the cast when she took the job offered by an old friend in need, and she had been utterly stunned when she spotted the girl sitting beside Jesse in the house seats that first night of work, but the universe had presented her with another chance and she was going to take it.

Shelby was gathering her sheet music and notes from the trunk of her car when the sound of a car door slamming caught her attention. She turned her head to observe the source of the commotion and spotted a tall bumbling boy who seemed to be in a rush.

"Hey!" Shelby called out when the tall boy started towards the stage door. She couldn't remember his name but she recognized him from the New Directions. He was the one Jesse had told her Rachel was really in love with, the quarterback. Jesse had pointed him out when he sang with Rachel at Regionals last year. "Hey, uh, kid, wait," she said awkwardly. _What the hell was his name?_ If he and Rachel were as close as Jesse said they were last year, then maybe he was the boy Rachel broke up with, and maybe he'd know what else was going on with her daughter.

"Miss Corcoran?" the boy said when he spotted her. "What are you doing here?"

"You're a friend of Rachel's, right?" Shelby asked once she came closer to him.

"Yeah, well, actually she's my girlfriend. Again. I'm Finn," he said, realizing he had never actually met Rachel's mom, he had just seen her at competitions and heard a little bit about her from Rachel. Although Rachel didn't like to talk about her after what happened at Regionals last year. "Are you here to see Rachel?" Finn questioned.

"I'm working with the cast on the music," Shelby explained. "Rachel didn't mention it?"

Finn shrugged. "She doesn't like to talk about you. She doesn't like to talk about anything anymore, actually."

Shelby nodded and tried to pretend that it didn't hurt to hear that Rachel refused to even mention her. "So what are you doing here? I thought you two broke up."

"Yes, but we got back together," Finn said.

"That was quick. It's been what? Two days?" Shelby asked with a slight smile. She envied how easily teenagers fell in and out of love.

Finn furrowed his brow in confusion. "No, we were apart for months. We got back together a couple of weeks ago."

"I don't understand."

"Why we broke up a few months ago? It's a long story," Finn sighed. "We both made some mistakes, but we've been trying to work things out."

Shelby shook her head. "No. Why Rachel ran out of her the other day crying. Richard said it was about a boy."

"What boy? Me? Who's Richard? Wait, why was Rachel crying?" Finn stammered out.

"Richard Ellis. The director of the musical. Rachel ran out of a meeting with him during Wednesday's rehearsal. Richard told me Rachel said her boyfriend had just broken up with her. She was pretty upset. I caught her crying out back," Shelby explained.

"I didn't." Finn's heart dropped as he came to a horrifying realization. _Rachel left rehearsal Wednesday crying and she had taken those back up plan pills the next morning._ "The director? Is he in there now?" he asked frantically.

"He should be," Shelby answered. "I was coming in early to try to catch a few minutes alone with him. He's always so busy during rehearsal and I wanted to-"

"It's him," Finn mumbled under his breath, cutting her off. "It's him. I gotta find Rachel." Without giving Shelby a chance to respond, Finn turned and hurried into the theater.

Shelby followed him inside, clearly confused by his behavior. "Finn, wait. Rachel isn't here. Rehearsal doesn't start for another two hours."

Finn ignored the woman's objections and raced down the center isle. He got to the front of the stage and didn't know where to go. "Where are they?" he asked Shelby.

"Where are who?" Shelby still didn't know what Finn was talking about. One minute he had been mumbling about Richard and the next he was racing into the building.

"That Richard Ellis guy. He's gotta be the one who's been hurting Rachel. Where is he?" he demanded.

Shelby tensed. "What are you talking about? Someone hurt Rachel?"

"Where the hell are they!" Finn shouted. He didn't have time for a conversation with Rachel's mother. Rachel was with the animal who had hurt her.

"Backstage. His office is backstage," Shelby answered quickly, clearly startled by the boy's anger.

Finn took off again and Shelby trailed behind him.

"Finn!" Shelby called as she ran behind him. "Will you slow down? Finn! Rachel isn't even here."

They neared Mr. Ellis's backstage office and heard a muffled sound.

"_Stop! No! Stop it! Please! Please! Stop!"_

Finn and Shelby froze. That was Rachel's voice.

Again they heard it.

"_No! No! Please, don't! Don't! Just stop! Stop! Stop it! Please don't do this! Stop!" _

And then a loud shrill scream.

Shelby dropped the box of sheet music she was holding and charged forward, knocking a paralyzed Finn back into reality. Finn shook himself out of his momentary stupor and ran to catch up to Shelby. She pulled up in front of the small office and ripped the door open.

Richard Ellis was on top of Rachel. His body was moving in jerky thrusts while she thrashed and cried beneath him. His pants were pushed below his waist, her skirt bunched up around hers. Her hands were pinned beside her head and her face was bloodied.

"Get away from my daughter!" Shelby shrieked once her mind managed to process the scene before her.

The movement on the floor stopped abruptly and Mr. Ellis looked up at Shelby in shock. His panic quickly turned to defiance and a sinister smirk spread across his face. "The little whore wanted it," he spat, pulling out of Rachel and sitting up so that he was straddling her thighs.

A surge of pure rage rushed through Shelby's whole body and for a moment she couldn't recall how to breathe. And then there was a sudden flash of color and a frenzy of movement and before Shelby could take a step farther, Finn was barreling into the man at full force. He knocked Mr. Ellis off of Rachel and started to pummel him with closed fists. Shelby darted to Rachel's side, dropping to her knees and pulling the girl into her arms.

"Rachel," Shelby muttered. "Oh God. Are you okay? Oh my God. What did he do to you?"

Rachel felt the weight of Mr. Ellis's body leave her and slowly opened her eyes to find her mother staring down at her, a look of absolute horror on the woman's face. She pushed herself out of Shelby's embrace and brought her trembling hands up to her bleeding mouth to muffle the sobs she couldn't contain.

"Rachel," Shelby repeated, letting her eyes travel down Rachel's body till they landed on the pink and white stripped panties pooled around her daughter's knees. She felt her head flush with anger once again and balled her fist together so tightly that her nails left tiny moon shaped indents in the skin of her palms. She wanted to tear Richard Ellis's head off, literally tear his head from his body and spike it on the floor like a football, but Finn was currently slamming his fists into that head.

Rachel gasped and her already wide eyes widened further when she realized what Shelby was staring at. She hastily tried to sit up and bend forward to pull her underwear up, but the sudden movement sent a shooting pain to her ribs, reminding her of the punches Mr. Ellis delivered to her side not long ago. She hissed in pain and let her head fall back in frustration.

"I-I got you," Shelby said, hoping Rachel didn't hear the tremble in her voice. Rachel looked like a battered mess and Shelby was terrified and panicked, but she didn't want to frighten Rachel any worse than she already was. Shelby held Rachel's gaze as she carefully stretched her hands out and pulled the girl's panties up, waiting for any sign of resistance on Rachel's part. But Rachel didn't resist what had to be the most humiliating form of help she's ever received, she just closed her eyes as Shelby tried to protect what little modesty she had left. When Shelby's hands reached her upper thighs, Rachel took over and pulled her underwear into place without having to move much.

"Thanks," Rachel mumbled quietly.

Rachel's voice sounded so misplaced in the moment that Shelby found herself gaping at the girl in shock. After a few moments she was able to follow Rachel's gaze to Finn and Mr. Ellis. Finn was still on top of Mr. Ellis, his fists slamming into the older man's face one after the other. Mr. Ellis was bloody and hardly moving.

"Finn," Shelby yelled. "Finn! Finn, stop! You're going to kill him. Finn!" She couldn't believe she was actually protecting the man she had witnessed raping her daughter, but if that boy killed Richard Ellis his life would be over and Rachel would never forgive herself. "Finn! Stop! Stop it!"

After one final punch caused Mr. Ellis to still completely, Finn drew back and looked at the man beneath him. "Oh my God," he said when he saw the amount of blood rushing from Mr. Ellis's nose. He looked at Shelby. "Is he dead? Did I kill him?" Finn asked in wonder.

Shelby crawled over to Mr. Ellis's unconscious body and pressed her ear to his mouth. "He's still breathing."

Finn let out a sigh of relief. "I don't know what came over me. I wanted to kill him. I think I would have killed him. He was hurting Rachel. He's the one who...oh God, Rachel," he said as if he had just realized she was in the room. "Rachel," he repeated softly, kneeling down next to her.

Rachel initially drew back from him, but let him take her hand in his after a moment. _It was just Finn_, she told herself. _Finn was good. Finn was safe. _

Shelby got to her feet near Mr. Ellis and sent a solid kick of her own into the man's ribcage before turning back towards Rachel and Finn. "Let's get her out of here."

"I'm gonna help you up," Finn told Rachel. He was so nervous. He had no idea where to look or put his hands. Her shirt was torn and he could see her bra and he wanted to tackle Mr. Ellis all over again, but Rachel looked so broken. She wasn't speaking or even acknowledging him, she was just staring at Mr. Ellis. "He can't hurt you now." He wanted to pick Rachel up and cradle her in his arms like one would carry a baby, but she looked absolutely terrified and he didn't want to cause her any discomfort. Instead he instructed her to wrap her arms around his neck and wrapped his own arm around her waist so that he could pull her up with him when he stood. He tried not to take it personally when she recoiled at the feel of his hand on her waist and did his best to support her weight without having to touch her too much.

Rachel leaned into his side, her arms slipping down from his neck to hold him around his torso. Finn's body was hard and unyielding, but it wasn't suffocating or scary. It was comforting to her.

Shelby glanced around the room looking for the set of the theater's house keys she knew a director would have access to. She spotted the mess of keys on the desk and pocketed them, leaving her hands free for helping Rachel. While Finn had gotten Rachel to her feet, she could barely stand on her own. Shelby stepped over to Rachel's other side and slipped a hand behind her back to offer extra support. Rachel flinched at the unexpected contact and Shelby apologized immediately for her thoughtlessness.

The three exited the office and Shelby let Finn hold onto Rachel as she turned and locked Mr. Ellis in the office. She slipped the keys back into her pocket and pulled her cell phone out.

Rachel didn't even object when she heard Shelby tell the 911 operator that her daughter had just been raped. She was much too tired.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing this story. I once again apologize for the ridiculous length of time between updates. Life has just been incredibly busy and I wanted to make sure I got this next portion of the story right. But really there's no excuse... I just suck and I'm sorry for that. Thanks for hanging in there with me though and I hope you will continue to do so. As always, let me know what you think. **

* * *

><p>Shelby watched as a pair of paramedics examined Rachel in the theater's parking lot. Rachel was struggling to stay still as the medics cleaned her cuts and checked her body for broken bones. Every once in a while she'd flinch from one of their touches and Finn would nervously jump beside her as if it had been his battered ribs they were poking at.<p>

The cops had arrived shortly after Shelby placed the 911 call and several officers, along with a second team of paramedics, were inside tending to Richard Ellis. Shelby wished the medics would just hurry up and load Rachel's stretcher into the ambulance because she didn't want Rachel to have to see her attacker exiting the theater. _She_ didn't want to see Richard exiting the theater because she was certain she'd finish what Finn started if she got another look at him. Richard was lucky Finn got his hands on him before she could because, although she may not be as big as Finn, Shelby was certain her rage would have made up for whatever physical strength she lacked. Her hands were still shaking with the urge to wrap themselves around the director's windpipe and squeeze till he gasped for his last breath and his eyes lulled back in his skull, but there were more pressing matters at hand. There was Rachel, sitting bloody and battered on the pavement, and Finn, with his split knuckles and frenzied rambling. Shelby was the adult, she was the mother. She needed to be the one to keep it together.

Despite waiting nearly ten minutes for help to arrive in an empty parking lot, Rachel hadn't said a word since Shelby and Finn escorted the girl out of the theater and sat her against Shelby's car to rest. Rachel had just stared at the ground, intermittently touching the cuts and bruises on her face while Finn glared menacingly at the stage door, daring Richard Ellis to walk through it. Shelby chewed on her bottom lip as she paced intently in front of the young couple sitting together on the pavement. Occasionally she found herself muttering things like, "it'll be okay" and "you're alright now", but she wasn't sure whose benefit the cliched platitudes were for, her own or Rachel's.

As the stretcher carrying Rachel was finally lifted into the back of the ambulance, one of the medics turned to Shelby and called out, "you can ride with your daughter if you like."

Shelby froze for a moment and realized the young man probably assumed their relation based on their physical resemblance and obviously had no idea about their complicated past. Shelby glanced at Finn guiltily. He looked like he was itching to jump at the opportunity himself. Shelby felt he should probably be the one who got to ride along with Rachel, but Shelby didn't know how policy worked and if the paramedics would even allow a non-relative to accompany Rachel, plus she selfishly wanted to be the one who sat beside Rachel and helped ease her fears, so she nodded at the paramedic and hurried towards the vehicle.

"Is this okay? Me being here?" Shelby asked Rachel as she climbed into the ambulance.

Rachel looked around, her eyes scanning her surroundings before nodding. She momentarily forgot she was supposed to hate Shelby because at that very moment Shelby was the only familiar face hovering over her.

"Finn's going to follow us to the hospital," Shelby said. She caught one last glance at the boy, who was standing with his mouth agape at the ambulance as a pair of uniformed police officers tried to question him. Those same officers had tried to question Rachel when they first arrived but the girl had been too shocked to speak, so Shelby had given them the cliff-notes version of what happened. She knew both she and Rachel would be further questioned about the day's events, but right now she was glad Finn was handling the cops so she could focus on Rachel.

Rachel nodded again before turning her head away from Shelby and staring up at the roof of the vehicle as the medic attended to her injuries and asked her questions that went mostly unanswered.

The assumption that Shelby was Rachel's mom extended to the hospital staff and she found herself being whisked into an exam room with the battered teen. She wanted to object, to clear up the confusion and announce that she didn't deserve to be there now because she hadn't been in the past, but Shelby couldn't find the words necessary to separate herself from Rachel. She didn't want to leave her daughter's side, whether she was her mom or not.

Things progressed in such a blur that Shelby hardly noticed a detective slip into the room amongst all the chaos. But when that detective nonchalantly asked Rachel whether Richard Ellis had penetrated her vaginally or anally and if he had sodomized her orally things suddenly became very clear to Shelby. There was no stopping the small but audible gasp of horror that escaped her mouth at detective's questions. The words were just so blunt and ugly that Shelby couldn't stand to think of them in relation to Rachel. She knew what had happened, she had walked in and seen that bastard violating Rachel, but there was something about hearing someone else say it out loud that made Shelby shudder.

Rachel, who had been nearly silent since being wheeled into the emergency room, lifted her eyes towards her mother for panicked filled moment before dropping them in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry," Shelby said, quickly realizing her mistake. "I'm sorry. Please, go on."

"Ma'am, maybe it would be best if you stepped outside and let us speak to your daughter alone," the detective said. "We'll come get you after we finish up."

"No!" Shelby protested. "I need to be with her. She shouldn't be alone."

"Shelby, it's ok. Please," Rachel said quietly. It was the first thing she said other than the simple "yes" or "no" answers she had been giving since they left the parking lot. She was too embarrassed to do this in front of Shelby. She was too embarrassed to this at all.

Shelby recognized Rachel's discomfort and swallowed her objections. "Okay, I'll go call your fathers."

Rachel wanted to protest. She had endured _so_ much these last few weeks in order to avoid disappointing her fathers, but there was no way she could hide this from her dads now. And soon it wouldn't just be her dads, it would be everyone. Her friends had already started to catch on and Finn would confirm Kurt's suspicions and he'd tell the rest of the Glee club till everyone knew how she had traded her body like some disgusting vile slut.

"Finn has their cell numbers. They're in Texas," Rachel said quietly, too tired to put up the fight she so desperately wanted to. "They flew to Austin earlier today for a friend's wedding. They were supposed to spend the whole weekend there." She swallowed hard and wiped at the tears in her eyes. She was ruining her fathers' weekend and soon they would know what she had done, what she had been doing for weeks now.

"I'll be right outside if you need me, okay? I'm not going anywhere," Shelby said before slipping out of the room.

Rachel laid back on the hospital bed with a sigh and lifted her eyes towards the ceiling as the detective continued with his questions. She hated having to talk about Mr. Ellis. She hated having to admit to what she did. She hated everything about this.

Shortly after Shelby left a female doctor entered the exam room, followed by a nurse with an armful of supplies. The doctor identified herself as Dr. Morrow and informed Rachel that she would be performing a rape exam on her if Rachel consented. When Rachel hesitated to give her approval for the exam, Dr. Morrow suggested bringing her mother back in to talk over the decision. Despite being opposed to having the exam done, Rachel hastily agreed just to avoid having what would surely be a horrifying conversation with Shelby about it.

The detective, whose name Rachel had learned was Detective Russo, excused himself so that the exam could be performed.

As the procedure was explained to her, Rachel nodded dimly at the nurse who helped her stand on a square of paper and instructed her to remove her clothes. A curtain was drawn to offer her some privacy but it did little to alleviate the humiliation of being made to strip in a room full of hospital personnel.

Once her belongings were placed securely in evidence bags, the nurse helped her into a hospital gown and led her back to the bed. The woman spoke it soft soothing tones but there was no soothing the anxiety Rachel felt. The doctor performed a quick physical exam, pressing on random parts of her body and rattling off orders to the nurse about lacerations, possible fractures, and x-rays.

As Dr. Morrow gently pried her legs open to check for bruising and evidence of sexual assault, Rachel checked out of the present moment like she had done so many times before. She knew it wasn't the doctor's intention to make her feel as degraded and humiliated as Mr. Ellis had, but laying on her back with her legs open while someone poked and pried at her privates felt too familiar not to be reminded of Mr. Ellis's fingers moving inside her. Dr. Morrow was speaking softly, explaining each step of the rape exam as she performed it, but her voice sounded washed-out and distant to Rachel, like she was shouting to her underwater. After the lengthy exam, Dr. Morrow tapped the side of Rachel's knee to let her know the procedure was over and that she could lower her legs, but the subtle signal didn't register with the girl and Rachel had to be physically shaken from her daze.

The doctor continued speaking in that soft overly sincere tone that Rachel was quickly growing to hate as she collected skin samples from underneath Rachel's fingernails and handed bags of evidence to the rather solemn nurse.

Over an hour had passed since her admittance to the emergency room and Rachel found herself itching to get out of there. But the distressing ordeal wasn't nearly complete because once Dr. Morrow excused herself, Detective Russo re-entered the room and continued questioning Rachel about her relationship with Mr. Ellis and the events of the afternoon. She was asked when had Mr. Ellis had first initiated sexual contact and how often, if he was ever violent or made threats, did she clearly say no and did she tell anyone. Each question was a painful reminder of how poorly she handled the situation and how she had allowed herself to become this sad pathetic person she detested. She was asked to recall each incident and describe it in detail. After the 30 minute interview Rachel was ready to curl up into a ball and cry herself to sleep. The revolving door of people asking her humiliating questions about what had happened eventually slowed and she finally had a few minutes to herself. She closed her eyes and let her mind wander.

And then it hit her that Shelby and Finn not only now knew about Mr. Ellis, but had actually _witnessed_ them together. Finn had seen her with another man, and Shelby had helped her put her panties back on. The thought made Rachel's insides churn with nausea and she found herself frantically reaching for the emesis basin the nurse had left at her bedside, but not even vomiting could purge the sickness from the pit of her stomach.

* * *

><p>Finn didn't know what they were doing to her in there or if he should call someone. He knew someone needed to inform Rachel's dads, but he had decided it wouldn't be him. Shelby got to ride with Rachel in the ambulance, she could make that call too. He wouldn't know what to say to the men if he made the call himself and he'd probably say something stupid. He kind of wanted to talk to someone but definitely not the Berry men. It was bad enough he had failed to protect their daughter, he didn't need to be the one breaking the bad news to them as well.<p>

Puck and Kurt had told him to call when he found her, but he wasn't sure what to tell them or if he even had the right to share what he saw with them. When he pictured finding his girlfriend after she had run out of the choir room earlier, he had pictured walking into an empty theater and seeing Rachel sitting alone in one of the seats crying. He was planning on telling her it would all be okay because he was going to keep her safe and she didn't have to be scared anymore. He wasn't expecting to actually see her being raped. He wasn't expecting to see that animal on top of her or see her face so full of fear.

He really didn't know why Rachel would drive to see the man who was hurting her but Rachel wouldn't do something without a good reason. He wanted to ask someone why. He wanted to ask someone why a man like Richard Ellis would think he could do that to Rachel. And he really wanted someone to tell him what to do to help. His mom would know. His mom would be totally awesome at handling this, but Rachel had been so pissed when she found out they had told Mr. Schue, so Finn figured she probably wouldn't want even more people knowing. He thought maybe he could call Mr. Schue since he already knew.

The sound of heels clicking against the linoleum floor of the waiting room brought Finn out of his thoughts.

"Here," Shelby said standing in front of him with two cups of coffee in her hands.

Finn took one of the cups and stared at it in confusion.

"It's coffee," Shelby said as she sat down, her legs still bouncing with nervous energy even after she crossed them. "Do you drink coffee?"

"Uh, sure," Finn said with a nod. He took a sip and immediately grimaced in disgust. That stuff tasted awful. He had only tried coffee once before and wasn't a fan, but he didn't want Shelby to think he was too immature to be dating Rachel. Rachel drank coffee all the time.

Shelby let out a small laugh and leaned back against her seat. "Sorry, it's more of an acquired taste."

Finn reached down and set the cup of coffee on the floor. "Right."

"You should get your hand looked at," Shelby said eyeing the cuts and cracks on his swollen knuckles.

"Nah, it's fine," he said, opening and closing the injured hand a few times as if to prove it still worked. "How's Rachel?"

"Quiet. She didn't want me in there with her," Shelby said. There was a beat of silence before she spoke again. "This wasn't the first time, was it?" She wasn't really expecting an answer so she wasn't shocked when she didn't get one. "It happened Wednesday night, too. That's why she ran out of there crying. I saw her right after it happened and I didn't even realize. I was _there_ while it was happening," she whispered, chocking on a sob caught in her throat. "I stood 30 feet away while my daughter was raped."

Finn listened quietly while Shelby spoke. He knew she probably just wanted to say what was on her mind because he wanted to spill his guts too. When he was sure Shelby had finished talking he took his turn. "She's been acting really weird lately. Not saying much, not wanting to do much...but doing _things _she normally wouldn't do." He glanced at Shelby guiltily before shaking his head and continuing, "I didn't know why. I thought maybe it was me, that maybe she finally realized I didn't deserve her." He dropped his head in shame and focused on the discarded cup of coffee between his legs as he tried not to cry like a big baby. "I would have stopped him if I knew," he said firmly. "I would have stopped him."

"You stopped him today, Finn," Shelby said.

"But he..."

Shelby cut him off. "You stopped him today."

They fell into a pensive silence that didn't last too long because Shelby eventually remembered she had to inform Rachel's fathers that their daughter had been beaten and raped and was currently at a hospital in Columbus. She asked Finn for their numbers and the boy fished his cell phone out of his pocket and read off the two sets of digits, which Shelby punched into her cell and saved to her contacts.

Standing up with a heavy sigh, Shelby excused herself and walked down to the front lobby of the hospital so she could get a signal on her cell phone. When she finally saw the device had a couple of bars of service she decided to try Leroy Berry first. Although Leroy was the more stern of Rachel's two fathers, Shelby had remembered he was also the calmer one. She had vaguely fond memories of his husband Hirarm fussing neurotically over her while she had been pregnant with Rachel. Hirarm had been the one to interrogate her about her diet choices and vitamin intake whenever she met with the men to give them the latest sonogram picture of their daughter, while Leroy had always smiled kindly and told his husband to leave her alone. She didn't want to be making this call to either of them, but if she had to pick which man she'd rather have this conversation with it was definitely Leroy, because if her memory served her correctly, he was the less emotional of the two.

The phone call went about as well as Shelby expected, which was to say pretty badly. After getting through a hasty explanation of what she was doing back in Rachel's life and assuring Leroy that she wasn't calling to challenge his and his husband's custody of Rachel like he initially accused her of, Shelby delivered the news as straightforwardly as possible. It took all of her resolve and every bit of skill she had as an actress to sound somewhat together as she spoke. Leroy may have been calmer than his husband, but he couldn't conceal his absolute heartbreak over hearing that someone had repeatedly sexually assaulted his daughter, who was now in the hospital as a result of injuries she sustained while being raped. Shelby's tentative grasp on her own emotions started to slip as she heard the ever strong and sturdy Leroy Berry shakily mutter "oh God" over and over again while a muted voice Shelby assumed was Hiram nervously asked what was wrong in the background.

But what really broke Shelby's heart was Leroy pleading with her to stay with Rachel. There were contracts and agreements in place to ensure that Shelby never encroached on his and his husband's parental rights, but now the men Shelby had handed her daughter over to all those years ago were begging her to stay by Rachel's side until they could get there.

"_We're coming. Tell her we're coming. Okay? I'm booking the flight...Hiram! Call the airline! Hiram, do it now! Just do it, God damn it! No, wait. Maybe we should drive. Hiram, get on the computer and see how long it would take us to drive to Columbus. We can rent a goddamn car. Just look it up!...We'll be there soon, Shelby, just please stay with her till we get there. Okay? Can you stay with her? Please. She shouldn't be alone. Jesus Christ. I should have never let her do that stupid musical. How did this happen? Oh God, I had no idea. Shelby, please stay there. We'll be there soon. We're coming." _

Shelby of course agreed, not bothering to mention that she wouldn't have left even if they had asked her to. Leroy hung up the phone after saying he would call when they figured out the fastest way to get back to Ohio. Houston was over a thousand miles away from Columbus and it would be a while before Leroy and Hiram could reach their daughter, but Shelby assured Leroy that Rachel wouldn't be alone. She wasn't leaving.

As the waiting room started to fill up with patients and their loved ones, Finn grew impatient. It had been over an hour since Rachel's stretcher was rolled into some exam room and the door slammed in his face. He knew he couldn't be in there with her but he just needed to know she was okay. A few minutes after Shelby walked off to make the call to Rachel's fathers, Finn decided to make a call of his own.

* * *

><p>The school day had come to an end and there was no scheduled Glee meeting on Fridays, but Kurt found himself sitting in the choir room with Puck, Mercedes, Mr. Schue and Miss Pillsbury. The mood was decidedly morose and no one really knew what to do or say to each other. Mr. Schue had followed through on his teacherly obligation and informed the school and the police about the alleged abuse, but the cops had been unable to get ahold of any of the Berrys, Rachel included, to confirm the allegation. The Lima police promised to look into the matter but without a complainant there wasn't much they could do yet. They would have to speak to Rachel before they proceeded.<p>

When classes ended none of the kids wanted to go home without knowing if Rachel was okay so Mr. Schue said they could wait for word from Finn together in the choir room. There was no real reason why they needed to wait together, but it just felt wrong to go home without knowing. Will had informed Emma because he figured she would be more qualified to handle the kids' worry than he was, but she seemed to be the most anxious of the bunch.

Kurt blew the air out from his cheeks in frustration as he tinkered with the piano. Why had he come up with that stupid plan? He shouldn't have waited till lunch to tell Mr. Schue, he should had told someone right away. He could have searched harder for Rachel's fathers last night or immediately called the cops after he left her house. If he had told someone when he first found out Rachel wouldn't have had a chance to bolt from the school. He felt like such an idiot, it was his fault she was missing.

The sound of Kurt's cell phone ringing caused the whole group to jump in anticipation. They were all a little tightly wound.

"It's Finn," Kurt announced to the group before answering the call and pressing the phone to his ear. Everyone seemed to perk up, leaning forward eagerly.

Kurt was silent for a moment but then his free hand flew to cover his mouth and his eyes widened.

"Kurt?" Mercedes asked. "Kurt, what's wrong?"

"Did he find Rachel?" Puck cut in.

"Oh my God," Kurt muttered. "Is she okay?" There was a few seconds of silence and then Kurt spoke again. "Whoa. Calm down, Finn. It's gonna be okay. We'll be there. We're on our way now. Just hold on, we'll be there." He started pulling on his coat before he even hung up the phone. "Rachel's at the hospital," he told the group assembled in the choir room.

"What happened, Kurt?" Mr. Schue asked.

"It was the director," Kurt started to explain hazily. "The director of the musical she's been working on for the last month and a half," he said, realizing just how long Rachel had been going through this without their knowing it. "She drove to the theater to confront him and," he trailed off.

"And what?" Puck demanded. "Start talking, Hummel!"

Kurt swallowed hard. "He attacked her again. Finn got there, but he said it wasn't good."

"Did he...was she?" Mr. Schue asked, the implication clear in the way he lowered his voice and knitted his brows.

Kurt nodded. "He was in the process of raping her when Finn and Shelby walked in. Finn said she took a pretty bad beating too but was conscious when they took her out of there."

There was a gasp from Emma and a lowly mumbled statement of disbelief from Mercedes.

"Dammit! Why the hell would she go there if it was him? Why go directly to the bastard who hurt her?" Puck shouted angrily. "God. For someone so smart, that girl can be so fucking dumb sometimes!"

"Puck, that's enough," Mr. Schue scolded. "Let's not go blaming Rachel for this."

"No! No, ok? I know Rachel thinks she's some fucking superstar, but did she really think she could take on this guy alone? Why would she go there? What was she planning on doing to protect herself? Sing to the fucker? Bore him to death with a medley of Barbra Streisand's greatest hits? God! If she wanted to confront the prick then all she had to do was ask me or Finn to go with her and we would have taken care of it! She had no business going there alone after he hurt her! All she had to do was tell me and I would have handled it!"

"Puck, calm down," Emma said as she stepped towards the center of the choir room.

"I would have handled it!" he shouted back, slamming his fist on top of the piano as he paced past it.

"It's okay to be angry," Emma added. "But right now we need to get to the hospital for Rachel and you can't go in there fuming, so let's all take a minute to collect ourselves, okay? Deep breaths, everyone."

Kurt and Mercedes exchanged glances, both too shocked to speak.

"Are you guys okay to drive or do you want to ride with Miss Pillsbury and I?" Will asked once Puck managed to reign in his outrage.

"I can drive," Mercedes said. "It's probably best to have a couple of cars there in case someone needs to leave early or something."

Will nodded and ushered his students out of the choir room.

* * *

><p>After what seemed like an eternity a middle-aged female doctor approached the bench Shelby and Finn were sitting on.<p>

"I'm looking for the family of Rachel Berry?" the doctor called.

Shelby and Finn both shot to their feet instantly.

"That's us!" Finn said. "I mean, I'm her boyfriend. But we're the ones who came with her. How is she? Is ok?"

"I'm sorry, I can't disclose a patient's medical status to non-family," the doctor said to Finn.

Finn visibly deflated but looked to Shelby for help.

"It's okay. I'm her mother," Shelby said. She felt guilty just saying those words out loud but she needed to know how Rachel was doing.

The doctor looked pointedly towards Finn, but Shelby just nodded as if to say she didn't mind him hearing. Of course she didn't mind, Finn had more of a right to hear than she did. He was actually a part of Rachel's life.

"Okay. Well, I'm Dr. Morrow and I've been treating Rachel. We suspect Rachel has an orbital fracture on the right side and three cracked ribs. She'll need x-rays to confirm the fractures so we're hoping to get her over to Radiology within the next hour. Those injuries should not require setting or any special treatment, but she will be in quite a bit of pain as a result so we'll give her some pain meds to take home. Her activity will need to be limited to ensure her ribs heal quickly but we'll go over that more when she's discharged. She also has a couple of laceration on her face that we closed with butterfly stitches and due to the trauma her head sustained during the attack, a mild concussion. None of her injuries are severe enough that we'll need to admit her so you can take her home in a couple of hours once all her test come back. We did find evidence of sexual assault, some slight tearing to her genitals and contusions on her wrists and thighs. She's speaking with a detective right now and after he's finished, a rape crisis counselor will be in to see her. Do you have any questions?"

Finn had been trying hard to concentrate on what the doctor was saying about orbital fractures and contusions, but if he had to guess he'd say he absorbed about 25 percent of the information Dr. Morrow had just shared. He didn't understand all the medical talk but it sounded like Rachel would be okay, at least physically, and she would be able to leave the hospital soon. He would have to ask Shelby to explain everything else to him later because right now all he could think about was getting Rachel out of this stupid hospital.

"Can I see her?" Shelby asked once the doctor finished explaining Rachel's medical status.

"Of course. She's back in room 21," the doctor answered, pointing to the left of the intake desk.

Shelby started towards the room with Finn in tow, but Dr. Morrow stopped them.

"I'm afraid you'll need to wait out here, son," she said to Finn.

"What? But I need to see her!" Finn cried desperately.

The doctor frowned. "Family only. It's hospital policy."

"No! You can't do that!" Finn shouted. "She's my girlfriend! I need to see her!"

"I'm sorry. It's our policy. Only family is allowed in an exam room with a patient," Dr. Morrow explained regretfully.

"But that's bullshit! I'm more of her family than she is!" he said angrily pointing to Shelby.

Shelby flinched at that remark but didn't respond. Finn was right. She wasn't Rachel's family and she felt guilty that she got to see Rachel while Finn didn't.

"You need to calm down," Dr. Morrow said. "I know you care about your girlfriend, but we have to follow policy. She should be discharged in a couple of hours. You can see her then."

"But I need," Finn started but his voice quickly deflated. It wasn't about what he needed. "Ok.

Shelby knocked lightly on the door to Rachel's hospital room before letting herself in. The curtain was drawn around the bed but Shelby could see the figure of a woman standing beside the bed. "Rachel?"

"Hello," a voice Shelby didn't recognize greeted cheerfully before a young woman pulled the curtain back. "I'm Sandra. You must be Rachel's mom?"

Shelby didn't know how to answer that. She had been allowing people to think she was Rachel's mom since the paramedic in the parking lot first made the assumption. She had even made the claim herself a couple of times when she thought it would gain her access to information about Rachel's status, but she couldn't keep up the charade in front of Rachel. Shelby was still floundering for a response when Rachel beat her to it.

"No she's not," Rachel said simply. Her eyes flitted up briefly to catch Shelby looking at her hesitantly.

Sandra seemed confused, but drew her lips into a tight polite smile and nodded. "Oh, well Rachel and I were just finishing up here. Rachel, you have my card and all the information is there. Please don't hesitate to call."

And then Sandra was gone and Shelby was finally alone with Rachel. For all the urgency Shelby had felt in needing to see Rachel, she was at a total loss of what to do or say now that she actually had the opportunity to speak to her.

Rachel crumbled the card in her hands and tossed it on top of the adjustable table the jutted out over her hospital bed. She took a cursory look over the pamphlet Sandra had left. The words _Rape Crisis Services_ screamed at her in big bold red font and underneath the writing was a silhouette of a girl hugging her knees to her chest and looking sad. Rachel rolled her eyes and tossed the pamphlet onto the table with Sandra's crumpled up card before pushing the table away from her. She didn't need some stupid rape crisis counselor telling her this wasn't her fault. Rachel had made a lot of mistake in her life, she was practically an expert in the field, but she always owned up to her mistakes and she wasn't going to start passing the buck now. She wasn't like that sad girl on the cover of the pamphlet, no one had chased her down or cornered her into some back alley, she had gone to Mr. Ellis on her own accord. She had made the decision to show up to rehearsals, over and over again. This was most definitely her fault. Sandra didn't know what she was talking about.

"Maybe you should hold onto that," Shelby said. "It might be helpful."

"I don't need a pamphlet to tell me how to feel and I definitely don't need _you_ telling me what I should and shouldn't do," Rachel snapped at her. She shifted uncomfortably in the bed, gritting her teeth as pain shot through her ribs before dropping her head back against the pillow in frustration.

"I'm sorry," Shelby said, guilt clouding her face as she considered what she could possibly say next that wouldn't upset Rachel. Not even a minute into the conversation and she had already screwed up. Comforting people had never been a strong suit for Shelby and she was more than aware that her lack of that particular ability was probably to be credited for her success as a show choir director. She had never fallen prey to her emotions or let herself be swayed by her students' feelings while coaching and as a result she had several National titles under her belt, but years of suppressing her emotions had made it difficult for her to relate to others on a personal level. That had been part of the reason why she thought Rachel would have been better off without her last year. She had been so afraid that Rachel wouldn't feel a connection to her. As mother and daughter they would have a natural connection, but Rachel had parents and Shelby wasn't one of them so how would they connect? Where would she fit into the girl's life?

Shelby had been getting better at the comforting thing since adopting Beth, but soothing a fussy infant and comforting a traumatized teenager were two very different things and Shelby wasn't sure she was prepared for the latter. She stepped farther into the room, taking in the full extent of Rachel's injuries as she neared the bed. Her face was cleaned up now, it wasn't the bloody mess from the theater that had been permanently etched into Shelby's memory, but the girl still looked so beaten down. One eye was so swollen that only a tiny slither of white was visible behind her lids. Her lip was split by a painful looking cut and butterfly stitches covered a small lacerations near the corner of her right eye and another slightly larger one below her cheekbone. Ugly bruises marred her cheeks and neck and her posture was so stiff and rigid that Shelby could only imagine the pain the broken ribs were causing her.

"Rachel, I'm _so_ sorry. I'm sorry this happened to you. I-I didn't know. Honey, why didn't you tell me Richard was hurting you?"

Rachel was silent for a moment, her eyes blinking rapidly as she stared dumbly at the woman. She had heard Shelby's words clearly, but what she understood them as was much darker. _Why did you let that man hurt you? _Rachel wasn't fooled, she knew that was what Shelby really wanted to ask her and she hated that the older woman was trying to hide behind insincere apologizes and poorly veiled questions.

"Get out," Rachel seethed.

"What?" Shelby asked, clearly confused by the girl's abrupt command.

"I want you to leave. Get out," Rachel repeated quietly. It was too much. She may have been glad to have Shelby around when she scared and confused, but now she was thinking clearly again and she felt like she was suffocating around her.

Shelby ignored the request and dragged the chair from the corner up to Rachel's bed. She took a seat and reached for Rachel's hand in an attempt to calm her down but Rachel quickly pulled her own hand back. "Rachel, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"I don't care. Just get out," Rachel said more firmly. Once again Rachel tried to sit up, growing more and more agitated as every attempt she made to prop herself up resulted in such blinding pain in her side that she had little choice put to lay back against the pillows. Her frustration was burning inside her and she felt that she would burst into tears at any second and she'd be damned if Shelby saw her cry. "I said get out! Leave! I want you to leave."

"Rachel, please."

"God, why won't you just leave me alone? Leave! Walk away, you're good at that," Rachel spit out spitefully.

Shelby decided to ignore the harsh words and focus on calming Rachel down. They could deal with the past once Rachel was doing better. "Honey, you're getting yourself worked up. Please try to calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down! I said go. I'm asking you to _leave_. You want me to beg? Fine, I'll beg. Please leave. Okay? Will you please go," Rachel pleaded, her voice sounding more like a whine as she struggled to keep herself from crying. "I don't want you here. You don't get to come in here and pity me now. Not after you..." she trailed off shaking her head and fighting to maintain her composure. "You can't just waltz in and out of people's lives as you please. It's not... it's not fair. You can't do it."

"Rachel, I'm sorry," Shelby replied tearfully. "I just wanted to-"

"I don't care what you want!" Rachel shouted, her voice strained as the sobs spilled out of her throat. "Why does it always have to be about what you want? Or what _he_ wants? What about what _I_ want? Doesn't anyone care about what I want? What I _don't_ want." She would take responsibility for what had happened with Mr. Ellis, but that didn't mean she had wanted it to happen. She had just been too scared and stupid to walk away.

"Of course we care," Shelby said, horrified at being compared to Richard Ellis. "Sweetie, I never meant to upset you."

Rachel sniffled and wiped angrily at her eyes. "Can you leave now? I'm asking nicely. Please just go."

"Rachel, you shouldn't be alone. Your fathers asked me-"

"God, you're infuriating," Rachel interrupted. "You leave when I want you to stay and you stay when I want you to leave. Where was this motherly resolve when I actually wanted you in my life? Huh? Where was your sense of obligation last year when you tricked me into looking for a mother who didn't want me? You didn't have a problem leaving then so don't act like it's so hard now."

Shelby swallowed the lump that had been building in her throat and shook her head. "That's not true. I always wanted you but you weren't mine." She paused for a moment to collect herself and stood up from her chair. "I understand you're upset right now so I'll leave the room like you're asking, but I'll be right outside. I'm not going anywhere."


End file.
